Found my fiancee was on adultfriendfinder.com looking for a discreet male to male relationship. What now?

I have been married to my wife for 22 years, and in all that time, I have never cheated on my wife with a man, even though I consider myself bisexual. I'm here to tell you that faithfulness has to do with honor, emotional maturity, and self control way more than it has to do with sexual preference. Think about it this way: if your fiance were on adultfriendfinder looking to hook up with a woman, would you be feeling any better right now? My only advice is that you treat this exactly the same as you would treat that.

You are entering into a marriage with this man.

Don't "wait and see" or go snooping through his things. He may have been just a little bi-curious as many are at some point in life, and having a peek.

The ONLY thing you can and should do in this situation is sit down and speak to him about it.

Don't think of it as confronting him - an attitude like that on either side, will not be helpful. No matter how hurt and wounded you feel.

You need to TELL him how you feel. Ask that if he has these fantasies, maybe you can talk about them.

A relationship is nothing if there isn't openness, honesty and trust. He should have been honest from the start, but maybe he was ashamed.

Don't write him off yet.

Wow I really feel for you. I mean he has a past with men and sometimes it can be a phase. I mean he is bisexual and he is attracted to both men and women. I do not think you should spy on him because it would hurt him to see that you found out and did not ask him and just spied on him! Now if he is on www.adultfriendfinder.com then that is step one since he has not bought a subscription he can not talk to anyone. He is most likely on there to look at pictures as of right now but he may get a subscription and start talking to men. You need to talk to your husband about this and as soon as possible. I mean if he wants to be with a man again he will be with one. He can not help but want men too. I mean I know that he may just be curious and that nothing is going on. The thing is if he wants it bad enough he will do it. I mean he loves you and married you but you are not a man and if that you can never do for him. Talk about things and see what is going on. If he was curious no worries but he may want to be with men two and that will be a blow to you. I hope you can get this all worked out. You may have to leave him if he wants an open marriage or wants to be with men. Good Luck! I hope he was just looking. Take Care Love!

I wish I was as strong as you about this. Him being on adult friend finder rings a huge alarm in my head. He is either bi or gay, though this isn't really my concern, it's just the fact that he is on a site like that. I think you should talk to him, and I don't mean a argument, I mean a cool conversation between adults. If he is bi, you really need to think if you can compete with both sexes, as from what the clues point to, he has cheating or even a fling in mind.

Sounds like he's in the closet or the new popular term "on the down low" either way now that you know what you know if you decide to stay with him you really can't be mad at anyone other than yourself if 10 years from now you end on on Oprah.

The first thing you have to realize is you didn't do anything wrong. He simply has been able to fool you probably along with everyone else in his life about his sexual preferences. If he weren't afraid of what his family and friends would think or the way they would treat him he probably wouldn't even be in the closet right now. Bottom line if you want happiness leave him now because he'll never really be happy with you and will only be putting on a show for his family.

Girl, there would only be one reason he is on a site like that and already eyeing other people!!! It makes NO difference to me whether its a site to meet guys or girls, thats irrelevent. The problem is that he's looking for someone else sexually, emotionally, (or both!) and he kept it from you... and secrets are a BIG no-no and indicate trouble's brewing! I say at this point, just confront him! Just prepare yourself for it not going well though, cause you'll have to admit to snooping and he'll probably deny creating the account. But 7 years is alot invested, I just thank God you found this out now before you wasted anymore time.

I know how hard this must be for you and my heart goes out to you it really does!!! Best of luck hun. :-(

You need to figure this out before you get married. Figure what you want first and ask yourself these questions! If having an "open" marriage was an option would you do it? Would this be any different if he was looking for a woman? Why did he not feel comfortable coming to you and telling you about these feelings he was having? He clearly did not have a problem telling you about his college days. Just don't attack him when you confront him, use "I" statements otherwise he might just shut down.

Since he had relationships with men in the past it is likely that he still wants to. Bisexuality is not a disease that can be cured. It is a chronic condition. You need to have a heart to heart chat with him and demand to know what is going on. If he wishes to enter the life he should be honest with you so you can decide whether you should stay or go. Another thing to worry about is the risk of diseases. Practice safe sex with him if you cannot be sure that he is being faithful to you.

He is either bisexual or gay, and you will not have a happy ending if you are looking for a monogamous relationship. I would end things with him and find a husband that will love honor and cherish you and not some other guy.

EDIT: Why the thumbs down? Any man that is questioning his sexuality, for the record, is not marriage material, at least not until he gets himself figured out. Everyone needs to know what they are getting into, and those people that say he is just messing around are nuts. A straight man does not go looking for men unless he is questioning whether he is attracted to them or already knows he is. If he is sneaking around looking for discreet male relationships, then he is looking to hide them from you. You need to figure out your worth as a woman and figure out what you want from this relationship. If you don't feel he can give you that--and fidelity is a pretty big deal to most people--then you need to leave.

Only you can make that decision

A woman I know married a bisexual man with the open understanding that he would not have intercourse with any men, but she had to accept that he might want to get head from another man. He was very honest and open with her about it before they got engaged, and she agreed. So far they have been married for 8 years and have 2 children.