Best way to tell in-laws that they are unbelievably rude?

Oh my gosh! I am in the EXACT same situation as you - I can't believe it. It's my brother-in-law's wife that is completely rude, dramatic and obnoxious, and everyone has a serious problem with her... but BIL is just oblivious. She says absolutely anything she wants without any regards to people's feelings or common decency. I TOTALLY understand your frustration... especially with the kid situation, and the close-knit family!!!

Everyone in my husband's family has been telling me to just "keep the peace" and not rock the boat for the sake of harmony. They have the same attitude that you mentioned - just let it go. But it is SO hard. I have been looking for ways to deal with her forever... I still haven't found one that really truly works. It sucks because it kind of ruins some family get-togethers when she is there that I would otherwise really enjoy.

One time, right in the middle of a pretty large family function, I blew up at her cuz I just couldn't keep my lid on any longer... I stood up and actually said, "WTF is your problem b*tch!" and layed into her hard. As good as it felt right then to actually say it, it didn't make a difference in the world. It just started a big fuss with everyone and her behavior thereafter still remained the same. I felt so bad because my mother-in-law actually started crying because she got so upset. So it really wasn't the best idea.

I've actually confronted her several times, on several different occasions and tried all sorts of "techniques." She just plain doesn't get it. She's one of those people that thinks a quick "sorry" fixes everything, then continues to do it over and over again. What I've been doing is just tolerating her the best I can. I am civil to her when she is around, and nothing more. I have accepted that she is the way she is, she's always going to be rude and inconsiderate, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. I'm okay with her making a total *** out of herself around the family while I sit in the background, chuckling to myself knowing that everyone else is thinking the same thing I am. I generally just ignore her as much as I can... I only talk to her only when absolutely necessary. I try my hardest not to let her see me angry anymore... because she is a button-pusher.

I hope that my experience with that helps you!

If you wanna be pen pals about this issue, I'd be more than happy to! I never thought I'd find someone in literally the SAME situation! Maybe together, since it sounds like we are dealing with the same person, we can come up with a solution that actually works.

It seems that you may actually have to use a little strategy when dealing with her. It seems she's what we call a pot stirrer. Which is someone who enjoys stirring the pot, only to see what may come to the surface. This is why laying into her, will not achieve your desired result. She will enjoy what's been brought to the surface, and watch it sink, only to stir the pot again. Get what I'm saying? What's good is that you're not alone in your feelings for her. So take the upper hand and set an example for everyone else who's brushing off this rude behavior.

The first thing you should do is.., Do Not let her see you angry anymore! Especially about something she did. Try not to get angry (at all) around her, since she'd have a better Idea of what pushes your buttons.

The second is call her out on her behavior. This must be done in a civil way. This isn't to show your hostility towards her, just that she and anyone around pays attention to what they can expect from her. If done right, you'll always walk away with a inner smile, and she'll feel like the azz she's being. Example... don't hesitate to bring up the nude picture sending, at an opportune time(like in a group).

I sense your frustration, and wish you the best of luck. Remember to strategize and don't get angry.

This is what I would do....First, you must control your temper and not let this person have that much control over your emotions. Remember to ACT not REACT, to her. Second, you can be in control of the situation by planning a dinner WITH your husband's input that way he is aware (hence the need for his input) when she/they doesn't bring what you asked her/them to bring. I would just ask the other couples what you would like them to bring there is nothing wrong with asking. Like, we are supplying the meat, you guys bring the sides and any drinks you would like to drink. Third, if you don't feel comfortable asking them what to bring you could do this instead: make them accountable by saying this,'so you guys don't duplicate stuff I will call you on such and such day and tell me what you plan to bring'. And don't you go making anything to make up for it or order anything. You will have to eat and drink just what is there. Fourth, if everyone else just brushes off wat she does they prize peace above all else. However, if you want to make someone accountable it takes planning. And if you leave the list out like on a fridge or something everyone else will see who didn't bring what. This will all have to be done very non-chalantly, with no malace. Just for organizational purposes you see.

;-)

It sounds like you are really stressed over this. I don't want to sound trite but you know that old saying, about the forest and the trees? Well, I heard a little twist to it. It's this: When you can't see the forest for the trees, it's time to chop some m...f... trees down! So...that's why I suggested instead of calling it a dinner party, maybe in order to save your sanity from this person that has no clue, change it in your own head from a "dinner party" to calling it a family pot luck. There is nothing wrong with asking family members to bring stuff, that's the norm out here in the west. All the people I know have way too much large families to overburden the hostess. So people are used to doing things that way. By the way, I'm one of those who is an "asker" not only about food but I jump in the kitchen for cleanup.

I wouldn't say anything to her....I feel for yah. Keep biting your tongue. I applaud you for that. You don't want to give her the satisfaction of making it easy for her to turn you into the 'bad guy.'

I hear yah on the temper thing, I'm living with a Sicilian/Scottish temper. People would be laid out on the ground if I let them piss me off. lol.

it somewhat is no longer impolite in any respect! you have already got an outstanding form of toddlers so she could understand that it would be lots extra durable having to additionally watch her childrens. She's the impolite one here, only forcing you to observe her childrens as though she would be able to do notwithstanding she pleases... you are able to tell her the excuses why you do no longer elect to preserve her childrens, yet i don't be responsive to if she'd understand...

The best way is to just tell them straight up.

If they're doing it, it must be on purpose.

I say lay into her next time. She deserves it.