If you have cared for a chronically ill spouse for over 20 years, yet you've fallen out of love, do you stay?

First of all,I want to congratulate you on being very strong to go through this for 20 years!

however, You have your own life,You are your own person- You can't stop living because someone else is ill. Your children need to see you happy- even if it mean separating from your husband.

You cannot live like this, Or you will become deeply depressed sooner or later.

Have a talk with your husband, and children, make them understand your position...and start living your own life -obviously don't disapear from your spouse whatsoever, but start living for yoursel.

Somewhere between 'vows' and 'committment', and 'right or wrong', there IS an answer! And it's NOT 'quoting from the Bible!' (Any Bible Scholar will tell you that ANYTHING can be 'justified' with a 'quote' from the Bible!)

I only question the word 'STAY'?!

MY thoughts (and comments) depend on how well THAT PERSON is able to care for herself! (I guess I'm thinking along the lines of an INVALID.) I would have a hard time condoning LEAVING an INVALID! On the other hand, it's hard to "JUDGE" (WHO is QUALIFIED?) the circumstances!

If THAT PERSON is capable of caring for herself, then maybe it IS time for a change! After 23 years, it's hard to imagine just FORGETTING... but unless he enjoys being miserable, or wants to be a martyr, I don't see why he shouldn't seek a little Happiness, and Affection!

The HARDEST part would be the CHILDREN - teenagers, according to your details! If they are old enough to SEE the unhappiness, then MAYBE they are old enough to UNDERSTAND! And, AGAIN, does NOT 'staying', mean LEAVING them???

I have a 'scenario' in MY mind, given what you have stated! But I don't think it would be expedient for me to detail it on THIS forum!

Hope my thoughts HELP! I wish you (and/or your friend) GOOD LUCK!!!

Bill

P.S. I know a Wiccan or two! Is there something WRONG with that???

I won't quote the bible to you, I won't even hit you with marriage vows, but I will say it is all in the persons personality. I am a person of my word, and a person of honor. I would honor my husband and my marriage to the end if he became chronically ill. After all, this sounds like something his wife can't really help (as in she did not choose to have this chronic illness). He may be your friend, but unless you are a psychologist the best thing you can probably do is to stay out of it. Marriage is a scared thing, and interference can (and usually does) backfire in your face. That is brutal honesty, and I am assuming that is what you are looking for.

I'm not overly thrilled to be saying this, but there comes a time when you have to consider your own mental state. If this is going to drive you to the looney bins it may be time to throw the towel in. It better only one go at a time than have even after one is gone the other is left in about the same boat. I can't say that it wouldn't be because you didn't try, that's a long time, but you have to make sure you aren't lost in the mess.

Whats a wiccan? Anyways, thats sad of your friend in an situation like that. I am sure that happens to the best of us. You can only do so much in this life. Sooner or later True Love will eventually fade away. Its just life.

No one knows how this has been but you. No one can tell you what to do.

I had a mentally ill child that changed how I feel about parenting. Sometimes things are so hard that it changes you.

It's easy to talk vows when your life is fairly normal. Do what's right for you.

You stay with the person who is sick because they need you to help to take care of them. You took marriage vows and should honor those vows. The way that you treat someone will come back around on you someday.

I'd probably divorce. If I still loved the person, I'd have no qualms about taking care of them for the rest of their life. But without love there, it needs to be someone else's issue.

When you marry someone one, you promise to be with them through sickness and health till death did you part. You can't walk out now when you're needed the most. If it was the other way around i'm sure you wouldn't want to be left alone to possibly die.

"In sickness and in health" I take my vows seriously. My husband is also my best friend. I would stick by anyone of my friends through illness...why would I leave my husband...the man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with? I can't imagine not being there by his side.