My story I'm writing, need opinions?

So I want to post the preface and get your guys' opinions on it...I can take constructive criticism but I please no rude comments.

Preface

I can’t feel my senses,

I just feel the cold.

All colors seem to fade a way,

I can’t reach my soul. – Within Temptation

It was almost as simple as breathing, the way it glided. I knew this would end badly, and yet I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. My only thoughts were that I needed - more like wanted - to do this. Nothing, No one else mattered.

I was walking a fine line between what’s right, and what matters the most.

I was losing.

I was losing terribly.

My last chance at a real life, a real existence, was slowly slipping away from me, and I couldn’t hold on much longer.

It was like it was falling off a cliff, slowly, but falling, and the roots, and rocks you grab at, they fall and they break. And whether or not you want them to, they eventually get smaller and smaller until you have nothing left but to fall, to fall and accept it.

Was that my only hope?

Was that all this life was offering me?

I knew I couldn’t change the past, and the future was coming whether I wanted it to or not. My only option was to change the things I could.

I didn’t know what was after me. It was dark, but I kept running, trying to find a way to escape. The snow fell almost like it was ready to cover up any evidence that someone was there. It was almost impossible to see, but I could see him.

His wings were high above his head, black as the night. The bottoms curled to the front of his body. He was wearing a long red cloak that billowed around his feet, and pointed at his shoulders. The hood draped over his head, and the bottom came down around his neck, to a point at his chest. His sword was black almost like a staff or a cross.

I looked down, and for the life of me couldn’t recognize the clothes I was wearing. A beige spaghetti strap, with a ‘v’ neck, my jeans were torn – not from being chased – a store bought torn and dark blue.

I looked up seeing a fence, if I could just reach that maybe I would be free. I knew the odds of that. Out of the corner of my eye there was a homeless man. He looked into my eyes, and I saw my terror reflected through his eyes. I tripped over something, falling before I made it to the fence. I turned to see the face of my killer, but somehow without fear.

Was I going to die?

Yes.

Was I afraid?

I got the feeling that I should be, but I wasn’t.

I looked deep into this demon’s eyes but all I could see was the blood red. The one side of his mouth lifted into an almost crooked smile. But he looked into my eyes and something changed. He put down his sword I knew he was still going to kill me. My thoughts went to the homeless man. I wanted to scream at him to run. I opened my mouth but my voice was gone. I dropped my head into my hands. I couldn’t watch this mans murder.

In that moment I remembered a prayer my mom had taught me when I was little, we weren’t catholic, but she always loved the strength in this prayer.

And so I silently prayed.

Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God’s love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light, to guard, to rule and to guide, Amen.

And then it hit me, something sharp right to my heart. When I looked up to see my killer all, I could see was darkness. The blood was flowing, tainting the snow. The sword was gone and I knew I was done.

I havent fully edited it yet so I know there are sure to be grammer problems and run-on sentences...