Is this poem okay? I have edited it twice, does it make more sense? Critiques welcomed!?

I like .... we all yearn to be "in" a quality love like that.

where that love extends us ...not contains us

and then I can be more than what I already am.

here is my advice, you have a great thing happening here already, but your poem really needs to rhyme

good read otherwise, but without the rhyming, people will not know that they are reading a poem

i really suggest just a simple rewrite. your concept is great

try something like:

A flame burns deep within

A few have ever know. Hidden (see, good start)

from world, yearning to flee

Waiting to be seen... you see,

you fan the embers into a roaring fire

while i play a lovely lyre

you may have to add extra lines like that and that's ok - rhyming is vital to poetry

the two you rhyme or you do no longer, there is not any in-between you ought to exchange the form slightly for it to glean The topic is particularly inspiring, even with the undeniable fact that, and the imagery is concise some words like "brindled", "hedgerow", "cowslip", makes it much less precise Poetry 4/10 topic 8/10 Edit - i did no longer decide for to pass into information as i've got been warned for being too severe. i presumed i'd be like each physique else, in order that boringly prevalent. in line with probability I ought to get rid of my score as that's a reason for many of the hating. yet, in case you insist, right this is my assessment, the genuinely. 1st verse - "warmth haze hovers" is a tongue tornado L2 & L4 are rhymed 2d verse - L1 & 3, L2 & 4 have matching rhyme. bleached. look. scorched brook. third Verse - L2 & 4 do no longer rhyme arch & parched 4th Verse rose-bay willow herb: The Willow-herbs (Epilobium), 9 species of that are natives of super Britain "in cowslip" ?? Cowslip would seek advice from: vegetation. Primula veris, a flowering plant many times prevalent as cowslip and primrose; Cowslip ( Primula veris ) is close by throughout the time of maximum of temperate Europe and Asia. In northern Belgium 5th verse - To be pedantic L1 & 3, L2 & 4 rhymed employing "final letter" rhyming scheme. Edit (2) - ok, the herbs became into purely reported because of the fact it did no longer look achieveable. Prof challenge has tiptoed contained in the path of the tulips to furnish you harsh grievance. Edit (3) - i ought to admit, even with the undeniable fact that i did no longer see it on the start, you have a variety no longer common to me. The putting of the observe "and" in Line 3 of each verse, is often seen as superfluous and undesirable because it ruins the path of poetical pass. New score (hehehe) Poetry 8/10 topic 8/10

L2S4 seemed rough as I read. The rest though reads as a love poem, well penned. My only critique would be do you need all the lines?

I have to step out of sonnet mode and relax to read this

It then reads very nicely and I can see and feel the texture.

I was inadvertantly inserting Iams or pent up stuff in it and it was coming out rough, once I released it to freedom it rather sang.

The last part of the poem beginning "What words..." and ending with "where do I begin -- where does he end?" is a poem in itself.

I would like to see that part posted as a separate poem here and on Mars in the main contest.

A love narrative, and nicely done. Good figurative language.