How does a college student deal with a borderline mother.?

Question

Thanks in advance for your thought and time. 

I am a Freshman in college who is financially dependent on his borderline mother. My mnother has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but she will not take medication-- nothing is wrong with her in her mind. Half the time she loves me and the other half the time she hates me-- usually when I am successful. She physically abused me when I was a very young child, and shows just about all the symptoms for borderline. The psychiatrist says that she is an extreme case. 

Unfortunately, I am a pre-med student in college who is dependent on her for money. Surprisingly my mother has a well paying job, though noone ever understood how she holds down a job paying triple figures. Because I am applying to medical school, I cannot afford to take on too much debt in undergrad. Thus, I would be very afraid of severing ties with her. While it would be emotionally cleansing to get away from her influence, I feel that I will incur too much debt if I do both undergrad and med school entirely on my own. Additionally, my father left me when I was younger so I don't have his support financially or fraternally.

I want to know how I can endure my mother for these 4 years until I am free. She makes me cry all the time, but I really need the money to get through school and into med. I know they say to enforce boundaries and all, but if I try to do that she tells me well if I don't do exactly what she says then she's pulling the finances and leaving me dry for college. She will often rip me apart and then come back and tell me that I have to apologize to her or else-- which means she won't pay for college. She is extremely controlling and manipulative, and I have to fight so hard to maintain a healthy view of reality by not being sucked into her delusional thoughts. I am not complaining here. In fact, I understand a lot of people have it much worse than I do and even that a lot of other people have had borderline parents. That is why I turn to you for advice. How can I transfer the responsibility back to my mom? How can I endure her borderline qualities without getting sucked in? Has anyone else been in a situation similar to this?

I just wish that I could break free, but I am tied to her like a ball and chain.

anaise · Accepted Answer

You have just answered your question:  How can "I" transfer the responsibility back to my mom?  
Its up to YOU to decide when you want to learn to cope with your OWN feelings.  Your mother doesn't own you and your mind, therefore you are the one in control of your feelings.  
If I were  you, I'd seek help(counseling) from the school I am attending:  its free and it will help you learn to be in control of YOURSELF at all times.
Another thing, if you feel you are under your moms financial control and she manipulates you often with the college money, check out the financial aid department to get started on your own.  How do you think many med students handle school?  Loans.

? · Answer

The Personality Disorder could be the basic disorder but there are many other disorders that may go along with the one now, depression, anxiety, anger, childhood abuse neglect or separation which she has not let go of and you are the one that she is releasing her anger on you.

   You must let the doctor know she is not taking her medication you are not a bad person by doing this. You will be helping her in the long run. Do not take her anger directed at you personal she is not well and you have to know she really does love you but she has mental issues.

   I don't know how you are so brave handling the situation you are in. I commend you on the strength you have to mustard up every day. You have to talk to a family, friend, counselor or even the Doctor your mom goes today. There is more information for you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Anonymous · Answer

this is a trying question and situation....
YOu may be reminded that many people dont agree with the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder....   and a different perspective might helpyou, i dont know...
The fact is she is going thru having to realise she has to let go of you, and that can be very difficult for anyone who has raised a child...
I think it is sad that the only help you are being offered by your own psychiatrist is to trash your mother.... and by the way, I would wait and see when they start trashing you... as long as you mom is paying, they sit there and dont help either of you... when the money is gone, so are they... you are left with the labels...
I am really down on this type of therapy.  and i think it would serve you well to seek help elsewhere wher someone can help you and your mom separate into independant lives...
Just something to think about....   
I dont believe in many of the so called facts of 'medicine'.... they arent facts at all, much less healing...

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How does a college student deal with a borderline mother.?

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