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Which poem [yes I did write these] do you like best?

I wrote when I was bored. If you don't like EITHER of them. I don't care.

Raindrops fall with the tattered rain.

Though more smoothly without shame.

Framing my heart with warmth and delight.

So freely do they fall.

Without worries or troubles.

As the fog on my window lay.

Hiding me from the outside world and it's pain.

To be a rain drop would surely be pleasurable.

Just fall from the sky and rest in a puddle.

Maybe even rest on a window until your evaporated away

To a safe haven in a cloud.

Then later you parachute down.

There is a one in a million chance you will die.

Only by being drinken by some animal or guy.

But that is untold for years and years.

And until then you are free to be.

Silence for all of the forgotten souls.

The ones whom grow old.

The ones that tire of this messed up world.

Filled with demons and heartaches that come in twirls.

Hurricanes of disaster and pain.

They once lived in a safer lane.

Where there was no one to boss around.

For if you did you would surely drown.

The world was great once before, but the best part was the love. [doesn't rhyme I know]

Everyone was eager and joyous for they knew.

The love, everyday it grew.

No one left out or forgotten with the dust.

They could freely find their soul mates whom they loved. [it stops rhyming for a while, I'm just trying to get the point across]

Happier times now forgotten for the old souls are gone without a trace.

Lost in the ruins of that perfect world.

Lost forever will they be.

No more love, only cheating

No more freedom, only control.

No more equality, only racism and feminism only prejudism.

Children are said not to be wise and not listened to.

Even though they are the future.

What happened to the happier times?

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    i like both of them! XD There first one gives me that hazy feeling but the second one has a scary, sad, and long feeling. Good job!

  • 1 decade ago

    I think the message you're sending across, and the way you're writing is very good. But in a way, it's kind of thinking too hard. . . Maybe try not to over think it. Usually for me, that's how i get my best ideas. If you try to dig too much into it, it makes it harder to write. Just go with what comes naturally.

  • 1 decade ago

    they both have very good potential however at parts they get a bit awkward. you have strong opinions though and i think you should continue writing.

    both poems are good the second one is my favorite though.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like both of them. They're really good.

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  • 1 decade ago

    they are both brilliant!you are really good!

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