I'd love to have your opinion on this poem?

Question

Strangled Lovers

You are scared to break my heart,
I can tell it by the way you run away.
You are in love with love, I believe,
Silence reveals more than what you say.

You have shoved me out of your life,
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays.
Unbeknownst to the greater truth,
That was somehow lost in the fray.

I've succumbed to a stoic existence;
Unfeeling and painless as it may seem.
My every breath spells out your name,
Pleading for a chance to redeem.

The crimson serves as my ink;
I will write till my ink be dry.
With my tears I'll moist them again -
My reasons, I hope, you'll identify.

And send them with the wind of faith,
To reach your altars of love, so upright.
Words to mend bonds that were broken;
Words to reveal my act of contrite.

A shard of hope - my only consolation -
As I stumble down the fathom edge.
Save me the agony, and the false blame;
Painting my world in an obscure haze.

This is the closest I've ever being,
To win back what was always mine.
Like a patron saint of lost causes, whose -
Triumphs and defeats are all entwined.

If the breeze wafts on my melancholy face,
Bringing with it your sweet fragrance;
I'd conclude my love prevailed, and thus -
Deviant - I'd subsist with an inner solace.

The storms, if in case, are fully ablaze,
Transforming my hopes to disdain.
I'd go quietly like a strangled lover,
Who has learnt from slower hands.


PS. This is a repost. I didn't get a lot of answers last time i posted. Hoping it would be an improvement this time!

Melody · Accepted Answer

OMG you might have some talent after all..I didn't think much of your previous poems,but this one is superb! You ought to get it published.
I tell you its really,really good..and in case you want to give away the poem,then I'd love to take it
And I was just wondering,JUST WONDERING,mind it,dont you think that it should be 'This is the closest I've ever been' instead of 'This is the closest I've ever being'?

particlebored · Answer

Well, I read it slowly. I usually read poetry quickly, but I felt like these words were not meant to be gobbled down, but experienced and enjoyed. You really have something here and it beckons to me in a personal way... I can relate to the pain and hope that exists in this kind of romantic situation.

The first stanza that made me really sink into the poem was the 4th stanza.

You are very good, the writing is delicious, I'd love to see anything else you've crafted. :)

Venkatesh G · Answer

Awesome

Anonymous · Answer

beautiful! I wish that people could follow my adult daughter around for a day. She sees friendship in everyone she meets. To see someone new as a friend instead of someone different... a gift she is blessed with along with her disability to bad there are some out there that try to take advantage of her friendliness...

Anonymous · Answer

I love it!!
It is very beautiful, and it brings out an intellegent side of the author.
Whoever wrote this should get props because it is amazing!

Pramey · Answer

hi it's good poem.. 

    I would like to suggest you twist the word and use reiteration everywhere in your poem, it will look more nicer. you should always use poetic theme also, and try to change your title and first topple.

Roxy B · Answer

simply amazing.
you have a very wide vocab
i love your use of words! alot!

would you mind commenting mine?
its nowhere near as good as yours though!
keep writing.
great talent

Anonymous · Answer

would you like to have my oppinion on your face?



it's lovely. you are very handsome.


love the poem as well.

abhinav r · Answer

Ok poem.

Resumon · Answer

it's ok... All the best for future..

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I'd love to have your opinion on this poem?

13 Answers