I have been ordered to pay a retroactive child support to a woman I had sex with when I was 12, what do I do?

Question

When I was 12, the woman who watched us when our parents went out was having sex with me.  My friends told me that I was lucky to have a woman interested and that I shouldn't complain about it, which I never did.  But, my dad's job transferred him to another area, so we moved and I never saw her again.  I had forgotten about her until recently.  

Now, 14 years later, I learn I have a son and that I owe 13 years of retroactive child support.  My lawyer says I can't get out of it regardless of how conception took place and she can't be charged for having sex with a minor because the statute of limitations has run out.  

They're basing the amount on two years of my average income,  and not on the fact that I had no job until I turned 16, which was part time.  I could sue her, but they are taking over half my gross income, before taxes.  Plus, I have to carry medical insurance for him, set up a college fund, and get a $100,000 life insurance policy naming the boy as the beneficiary with the mother as the trustee.  

They are ruining me.

I have considered trying for parental rights, and/or suing the woman for some type of financial damages, but both cost money I don't have.  I have to give up my apartment and move back in with my parents.  

My passport has been suspended until I pay the retroactive amount down to less than $5000, which could take years, and could cost me my job because I travel out of the country for them.  My parents house is paid off, so they are thinking of taking out another mortgage to pay it off.  The mortgage interest rate is the same as the annual interest penalty the state is adding to what I owe, but the lawyer said not to.  They can only take so much of my money, so in the future, if there is an increase in my child support, less money would be goring to the arrears.  But, if we get the loan, the loan payments plus any increase in support could end up taking all my income.

I don't know what to do.  I've tried talking to the media, but they say it would look like they were backing a deadbeat dad.  The only thing people will notice is that I want to avoid supporting my child.  I've even considered whether suicide would be better.  The woman can just have my social security, what little there is so far, but I would hate to think what that would do to my mother.

Mr. B · Accepted Answer

Have you considered contacting one of those shows like Maury (?).

If you want parental rights, look into whether filing fees, etc., are eliminated for people without the money to pay for them.  You could try for full custody -- if she doesn't have money either, it's not like she'll be able to put up a big fight.  A child rapist is not in the position to argue she's a great parent. 
 
Set up an online petition to lawmakers in your state to have legislation set up so that child rape victims are not responsible for child support... 

If you were wealthy I suspect your lawyer would be doing much more for you.  M/b contact the bar association with a complaint.  They can judge if your lawyer really isn't representing you to the best of his/her ability (the way support was determined seems absurd, I wonder how hard your lawyer was/is trying).

If you were raped, it's not a simple case of your being a deadbeat dad.

Criminals like a child rapist are suspect parents.  Contact social services in her area and inform them of the rape, and ask if there is anyway for the state to protect your child...

Too late for charges, maybe, but you could at least file a police report against the woman to have it on record.

elizabeth e · Answer

I think that maybe you need a better lawyer. And I agree you need to get a DNA test. This sounds really weird that they would go back all the way from when you were 12 when really the only jobs you could have had really would not have paid anything. (I'm thinking, paper route, or mowing lawns, stuff like that.) I would try a lawyer that deals with child abuse to help you. You were 12, she was the babysitter. She should have to pay for sexually molesting you. So maybe if you can get some sort of lawsuit on her, maybe she will drop some of the child support? I would think that even if she cannot be charged criminally, you still might have a civil suit against her. If you cannot straighten this out, then get the mortgage and get caught up so you can get your passport back and get back to work. Luckily, the child is almost grown so this should be resolved within 5 years. I had an uncle that married a woman with kids. He ended up adopting her two kids. They had two different fathers. The oldest did not know his dad. The youngest knew hers. Her bio father died. Her mother collected social security benefits. My uncle divorced the mother. He got stuck paying child support for the youngest while the mother still got to collect social security. It was not right that she got to get two child supports when the bio father signed off all his rights and really never had much to do with the kid. But luckily, she grew up and now my uncle does not have to pay child support anymore and the mother stopped getting the social security.

sharirogers65 · Answer

This is probably a dumb question, but have you had a paternity test??? How old was this woman at the time? I would lean towards talking to a lawyer about a suit against her. Yes, it would cost money, but regardless of which option you choose, there will be a high cost. Suicide is NOT an option!!!!! I'm sorry that this is happening to you, it's really not right. This woman should be ashamed of herself!

Phoenix21 · Answer

wow talk about a ludicrous situation and these things u only hear about, u know cases that seems so unfair but there is no way around it because of laws not properly evaluated to protect people.

in fact statuary rape shouldn't have been ruled off man she conceived that child when u yourself was a kid. but like another said make sure the child is yours...else that is one decision that u made that was the worst decision u could of made! hope things will go better or that u will get ur justice in the end

taralasse855 · Answer

threaten her that if she wont let you sign off parental rights and clear you of all past support then you will go for soul custody of the child. Also go and talk to other attorney's most likely your first visit is free Def. Get a second opinion that's a lot of money there has to be something you can do!

Anonymous · Answer

No they can't. The sperm donor signs a waiver which eliminates this, and also eliminates any rights the sperm donor could have with the child. Whoever tried to do that is an idiot. Why purposely have a child through a sperm donor if you can't afford it? And also, I'm sure they have to show proof of income before recieving the donor.

raidergirl1965 · Answer

You were a minor, "you had no idea what you were doing with her could make a baby." Very sad that the person that "raped" a minor child could claim child support. Take it public. Put your case online, call newspapers, call a press conference, do what ever you have to do to get her to leave you alone, or get her put in jail, repressed memory that you never remembered the abuse to you by her.
OMG I will never leave my 12 year old with a baby sitter agian. YOU WERE RAPED!!!!!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sure you can find a lawyer who is willing to take your case pro bono. What a nightmare. I'd also sue for custody of the boy. He's about the age that you were when she raped you. God only knows what she's doing to the poor kid. My heart goes out to you.

Yvonne A · Answer

1. get a DNA test
2. get a different lawyer(don't go to legal aid they won't help worth a flip)
3. u can always request an a lawyer at the hearing it's ur right and u ain't gotta pay

Ded B · Answer

Like a few lawyers told me, "only one choice..shut the F%#@ up and Pay."  or the other option is join the other economy, off the grid, the underground, cash only.

Trending News

I have been ordered to pay a retroactive child support to a woman I had sex with when I was 12, what do I do?

19 Answers