what are your most funny jokes?

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both

brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth

grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said, "That's right. You are! ? Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said

to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers

down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!

She said, "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!

(well its not technically mine but i love it :D )

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him - you have to shove the fruits up your *** without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

______________________________________...

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

______________________________________...

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

______________________________________...

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

______________________________________...

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

__________________________________

I love these jokes!!! I Almost died!!! ~_~

Knock Know, Whos There? I Dont Know, Obviously Your Halucinating, and Watching Too Many Ghost Movies, Because I didnt hear ****.

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

Blonde joke 1:

There is a blonde in a sports car and she pulls out infront of a man in a semi. He yells at her and tells her to pull over and get out of her car, so she does. then he draws a circle and tells her to stay in it, she does so and he goes and gets a knife out of his car and rips up her leather interiory, then he turns around and finds the blonde is smiling. This makes him mad so he goes and gets a baseball bat and smashes in her windowsand turns around to see the look and her face and sees she is laughing. He is really mad now, he goes and gets his knife again and slits her tires. He turns around and she is on the floor laughing, finally he asks, "What is so funny?"

She replies, "everytime you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle.

Blonde joke 2:

A blonde sits next to a lawyer and the lawyer is trying to get her to gamble with him, finally he says, "If you can't answer my questiion you give me $5 if I can't answer your question I'll give you $50." Finally she reluctantly agrees. He start's by asking, "Who was America's first priminister(sorry I don't know how to spell that word)?" She silently hands him $5 then it is her turn to ask a question. "What goes up a hill on two legs and comes back down with three?" she asks. The lawyer thinks about it for ages and makes several land calls and searches on the internet eventually he gives up and gives her $50 and she puts it in her purse and silently waits for next question, but he persists, "What was the answer to that question?" the blonde then hands him $5.

lol, as long as you're a blonde you'll b able to tell these jokes! They r so funny! If you're not a blonde then u cant tell them cause they're insulting. Luckily I am blonde and have the privelige of telling these jokes!

joke 1

There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest and they`re running and running and they stop because a genie appears. The genie says " if you two stop fighting and chasing each other i`ll give you each three wishes"

They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest "package" of all the bears in the whole forest.And His wish comes true. The rabbit then wishes for an unlimited supply of carrots. His wish is granted too. The bear`s second wish is that all the bears in the forest, except him, are female. Then the rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. The bear`s last wish is that all the bears fall madly in love with him. The rabbit`s final wish is that the bear becomes gay, and the rabbit jumps on His motorcycle and rides away.

joke 2

there is a cat, a dog, and a "thing". They were all talkin bout their owners.

the cat said- i hate my owner, he maks me crap in a box of rocks.

the dog said- i hate my owner, he makes me sleep outside

the "thing" said- i hate my owner, he puts a bag over my head and makes me do situps untill i puke.

A little boy was doing his maths homework.

He said to himself,

"Two plus five, the son of a bitc... is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a bitc... is nine..."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,

"What are you

teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitc... is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

What do you get when you mix Rob Cotter and A wiffle ball?

THE MOST AMAZING PITCH YOULL EVER SEE!!!

Sorry, that wasnt really a joke. Its for realz.

What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?

Nothing she's already been told twice