lol, i aint gonna go to bed until i get some answers.. and i need a bath. please critique thiiisss??

Beside your magenta eye of zeal,

On you silver boat of mercury light.

Through this turquoise light I shall reveal-

The muttered secret of an emerald night.

My skin is of milk, and bottle green,

Spirals of vein and shaded moon.

Of the curling wave I am the Queen,

To murmur this breeze of melting tune.

I rest upon your rocking house,

That lies within the water's core.

On this carven gunwale, I gently rouse,

Your dreaming eyes from the human shore.

“Look at me, see how fair I am?

My twisting fins of an opal tail...

My cold blue lips are that of a clam,

As I lean beneath this luffing sail.”

He tastes my lips of the seas sharp salt,

And turns his cheek to my patient gaze.

My flickering envy as I curse my fault,

To set my sea shell heart ablaze.

I can see his stare is so far away...

In his eyes I see a maiden young.

Ugh, she lies in his arms on the swollen bay,

I hate her! The girl of a human tongue.