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The Gryphon
Lv 4
The Gryphon asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

HARRY POTTER FANS: The Daily Prophet Rapid News Column!!?

16 April THE DAILY PROPHET RAPID NEWS COLUMN

Lyra Belacqua reported that Gandalf killed a Mockingbird yesterday twilight near the forest of Dean. While Gandalf tries to prove his innocence by naming it to be a ‘complex mystical reason’, The Ministry has called upon renowned muggle specialist Robert Langdon for further investigation on the subject.

When asked by the daily Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter, all the elderly wizard had to say was, “You shall not pass…….the blame on me!”

While here, Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange Crucio-ed Isabella Swan for stealing her nickname. And Sirius Black has stupefied Jacob Black for copying his surname. When asked, Sirius demanded to send Jacob to Arkham Asylum in Gotham city. But then, Albus Dumbledore reminded him that he was not Commissioner Gordon at the instant.

Reports say that Bella and Jacob were soon sent to the Azkaban until further inquiry.

There at Gotham, which is now supposed to be The Dark Lord’s latest hideout, The Dark Knight misunderstood him for The Joker because of his white skin and red eyes, and had him scarred with a batarang. Since then, Christopher Nolan seems unsure for his next Batman film.

After imprisonment of Jacob and Bella, the author Ms. Selena Mason (?) demands justice and asks for substitutes. Albus Dumbledore simplified the situation by offering her to choose any two of them as replacements for Jacob and Bella, to which Ms. Serena happily agreed.

First, she selected Rubeus Hagrid for Bella’s role, but then, realizing that Bella’s lip-gloss wouldn’t suit Hagrid, she selected Shrek the ogre. But she soon rejected him too, saying Bella’s costly green stockings wouldn’t be visible on his legs.

Finally, Ms. Mayor picked up Peter Pettigrew for the role, and asked Pantalaimon to convert into a raccoon and play Jacob’s part.

-Rita Skeeter

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The Daily Prophet’s today’s Poll~

 Aslan’s mane or Dumbledore’s beard

 Sir Leigh Teabing’s false leg or Alastor Moody’s

 Edward’s canine or Fenrir’s

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Please star the question if you liked it, comment and answer the poll.

Update:

Please comment on the article too :)

Update 2:

*****Or should I call it, The Daily Prophet 'Rabid' News Column xD

thanks for the comments keep them coming :)

30 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Dumbledore's Beard

    Alastor Moody's

    Edwards Canine, only because he wasn't evil he loved Bella. Fenrir is absolutely evil he sits next to children so that he will be able to bite them, and he also turned Lupin into a werewolf so he could never be forgiven for that.

    Please comment on the article too :)

    I LOVED IT! I love all of these that you write I just can't wait until you come out with another one it just brightens up my day and gives me something to look forward to other then the insane twilight freaks, I like twilight somewhat but not as much as Harry Potter.

    Good Job!!!

  • Discoverer
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    This has 4 books/characters which I love!

    But why did the Ministry call a muggle symbologist for a wizard's thing?

    The part about Edward, Bella and Jacob getting cropped up rocked to the core! Serius and Bellatrix really were heated up on the issue. Although I think Edward, Bella and Jacob would have hated the St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

    Probably, Bella's lip gloss had been stained with Edward's blood.

    I think SM could have selected Winky as Jacob and the donkey in the Shrek movies as Edward and Bella could be Cho Chang with freckles and pimples on her forehead saying 'Most Ugly' (instead of 'sneak' or something like that.)

    The ad about Madame Malkin's Robe shop is very innovative.

    The poll-

    Aslan's mane is much more majestic than Dumbledore's long beard tucked away in his belt.

    Teabing is just a double crossing two faced IDIOT. Mad-eye Moody's leg, or rather, eye is much much more preferable.

    Fenrir's canine at least does not stink as Edward's does. Moreover, Edward would just have good looking teeth which stink like Shrek's house.

    Source(s): my brain....
  • Tori Tonks - GOG ◘•♥•◘
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    that good!!

    Aslan’s mane

    Alastor Moody’s leg

    Edwards canine just because of what greyback did to Moony and thats not cool dude

    Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange Crucio-ed Isabella Swan for stealing her nickname. And Sirius Black has stupefied Jacob Black for copying his surname.

    LOL LOVE IT!!!!

    Source(s): great job!!
  • Lyra [and the Future]
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like they had a pretty interesting day! But are they sure that Pettigrew has the right eye color?

    Poll

    1. Hmm. Two fantastic characters. But I have to go with Dumbley's beard.

    2. Moody's. I highly disliked Teabing.

    3. As Edward is not evil and does not (willingly) eat little children, I have to go with Edward.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Well..I don't like the bashing Bella, Edward, and Stephenie Meyer, but I hate Jacob. Lmao he got what he deserves!! Go Sirius!!

    *stars*

  • Roonil Wazlib
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    SIMPLY AMAZING!

    It was really witty and I liked it how you made connections between the different characters!

    Poll:

    >Dumbledore's beard. Nice and long.

    >Alastor Moody's false leg

    >Fenrir's

  • iHeartu
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    lmao .... that was sooo cute! ♥

    ●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●

    The Daily Prophet’s today’s Poll~

     Dumbledore’s beard

     Alastor Moody’s

     Edward’s canine

    ●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●

    nice jobb!!!!!!!!!!!

    Star!

    --iHeartu ♥

  • Windrider unchained M.A.M.
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    That is a good mix of characters form a number of different novels, and some good ads as well.

    Source(s): Myself.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Merlin's beard

    Alastor Moody's stump

    Fenrir.

    You forgot that Bartimaeus ate Kreacher for being impudent.

  • «k a r e n»
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    That was pure brilliance :)

    Poll:

    Dumbledore's beard

    Alastor Moody’s false leg

    Fenrir's Canine

  • Show more answers (20)
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