Would it be wrong to do this to a friend?

Question

Hello, all. I am in a bind and want to do the right thing. A few months ago, a girl who used to date my now deceased best friend was about to be kicked out by her boyfriend. Now, we hadn't really kept in touch, but having been homeless before, I wanted to help. So since I had the room, I invited her in. She stated that her unemployment had not yet kicked in, but when it did, we agreed that her rent would be 200.00 a month and when she was totally on her feet, FI she chose to stay, then she would be responsible for half the rent (400.00)She stated that the guy made her leave because she had been laid off due to lack of buisness and it had been three weeks since she had worked. Well, I asked her if she would like my help , which she stated that she would. I asked her what she liked to do and she stated she had fun working at daycares. Within 3 days, using networking, I found her a place of employment. For whatever reason, she quit that job and once again unemployed. Within one week, her old boss called her and said she needed her to come back to work. Now, she was making 2400.00 per month. I felt that since that was the case, she should pay the 400.00. We talked about it and all was well. Witin days, I noticed that she was spending more time at home. When I asked her about it, sahe stated that the buisiness was closed that week due to a family emergency. Well, the very next week was time to pay rent and of course she disappeared for threee days. I paid her half of course and she made up some BS story about how she was scared to tell me that that boss had let her go AGAIN and she had not renewed her unemployment. Well, she asks me to purchase her cigarettes and food and at first, it wasn't a big deal, but now it seems like she isn't interested in working at all. I have tried being uplifting and even set up interviews (she didn't go) gave her bus fare for interviews (the ones she didn't go to)- I tried EVERYTHING. I spoke with her and told her she would have to leave if she didn't help herself FIRST and then contribute. Still nothing. So is it wrong to find her a shelter to live in? We have several with work programs in the area, and as much as I have tried to help, I think I have made it a little too comfortable for her. Would it be wrong to find her a shelter then assist her in moving? Or is there something I have'nt tried with her that I should? Thank you all in advance and blessings!

Update:

Timothy P, you sound exactly like my mother and other friends,lol! She is definitely too comfortable. I have done way more thanthis for her, including buying her some inexpensive but nice clothing for interviewing of which she STILL has yet to go to. As for family, no, she doesn't have any.

2good4hell,notgoodenough4heaven · Answer

*smirk* trust me, i totally understand. i was previously in a similar situation with an actual friend. Let me ask you this, does she really have no where to go? no family or friends who would take her in? cause if she did, id say forget the shelter and kick her but out. Tell her to go back to her family or something and that you can't take anymore. If she has no one, do this. give her one week. tell her "I took you into my home, fed you, bought you cigarets, was lieniant about rent until you got unemployment the first time and until you got a job, and helped you get a job that you couldn't hold onto, trusted you to get a job and help with the rent, payed your half when you ran off for three days and lied to me. After all I have done for you, you are just gonna sit on your lazy bum and not even try? No way. eitrher get it together or get the heck out." tell her straight how it is and that you have no choice. better to be honest than just keep letting it happen. give her a time limit and if she fails to meet it, tell her what you plan to do as far as taking her to a shelter. if she starts doing a sob story, stay strong and say that its her own fault and that you gave her a chance and she blew it. then send her packing for family or the shelter. I know it seems harsh, but she sounds like my friend, a mooch who cant hold a job and doesnt want to. she will just keep using you if you keep letting her and in the end, you will end up worse off than her, so dont let her. hope i helped.

KDB3838 · Answer

You are the best to help her.She is lazy and a liar.She is taking advantage of your kindness.Tell her that you have alot of bills to pay and that you helped her all that you can and she has to pay you what she owes you.If you decide to let her stay the bills and trouble will just add up.if you tell her to leave before she gives you the money you will never see it.I had this happen to me and also to a friend of mine.And no none of us stayed friends with the person.We help all that we can and we get walked on.And Im sure you could have used that money on someone who wouldve appreciated it a lot more.She is sneaky,first the rent then cigarettes then food-what will it be next your boyfriend-tell this one to leave,she totaly put herself in this position.And let her find her own shelter-you did enough-too much,and I dont think there is anything else that you can do.If you want to help someone maybe help the old folks in the nursing homes most of them dont have family left and no money and Im sure they will be totaly grateful to you

Anonymous · Answer

that's greater powerful to have no acquaintances than delinquents. they do no longer seem to be going to be real acquaintances. they gets you into hassle or make you finally end up feeling worse. the ultimate thank you to boost self is to open the bible and locate God. learn what that's that He expects from you and the affection he has for you. that's a roadmap to existence. each and all of the solutions are in there. we've been formed in clone of God. learn that photograph. come across a close-by church that has a stable youngster software and wade by means of those issues with christians youth dealing with an identical issues.

scarletfury16 · Answer

Wow, that's a lot you've done. I can't specifically say, since I've never even done anything like that (trying that hard to help a single individual person) but you've done enough, I'd think. You've given her dozens of chances it sounds like, it's time she stood on her own two feet. Best of luck.

timothy p · Answer

sounds like you have made it much too comfortable and she has taken advantage.  If she has had the opportunities and refused to follow through with them(Keep a job), then there is nothing else you can do.

Quirky L · Answer

she is using you, and you are letting her! but, on the other hand, i've never been in that situation, but, you also have your rent and bills to consider, and it's not fair for you to have to put up with her antics, she really needs to be shown the door.  if she makes a fuss, take her to judge judy or dr.phil, but other than that, im helpless

Heidi · Answer

sounds like she could have a drug problem. tough love is really the only option. You cannot make someone work if they don't want to.  You need to give her an ultimatum.

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Would it be wrong to do this to a friend?

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