My mom is lying and hiding things from me.?

As soon as you said your mom was hiding her habits from you, and lying, I was certain that eventually you would tell us that she drinks, and sure enough, there it was.

Everything you described about your moms behaviours, and choices is typical behaviour of an addict.

I am not saying she's addicted to anything in particular (like drugs)

Addiction comes in many forms these days, so it could be anything.

For sure your mom is hooked on cigarettes, and I strongly suspect your mom is also an alcoholic.

So where does that put you in all of this?

Since you are age 15, that makes you the dependant child of a potential alcoholic, and that's not a great position to be in.

There's not much you can do to get your mom to stop making any of her bad choices. Only she can make the right decisions, and it's only she who can prevent herself from making the bad ones too.

The only thing you have control over is the choices YOU make.

One of the things you are doing that won't help you much, but will do you harm in the long run is policing your mom.

Going into her purse, and counting her cigarettes isn't going to contribute one bit to her stopping smoking.

I know you need to find out the truth when all you get are lies from your mom. But if you think about it, you know your mom well enough to know when she's lying to you. You don't have to go rooting through her purse to prove what you already know is the truth, so stop doing that.

Do you want to know why your mom hides this stuff from you, and why she lies?

It's because she's actually ashamed of her behaviour,and she doesn't know how to change it. She has fooled herself into believing that she is fooling you, and that by hiding the truth from you she is preserving her status as a good role model for you.

So here are a few do's and don'ts that I would like to recommend to you, and I hope will help you learn to cope with this situation.

Do: Tell her you love her, and care for her health. She may not quit the instant you say it, but don't give up on bringing her that message. She hears you even though she may not always act like she does.

Don't: Track her behaviour, confront her, police her, or judge her bad behaviour. That kind of behaviour from you will only bring shame upon her, and invite arguments, and that will just stress the both of you out and make you both nuts.

Do: Look out for yourself. Especially if her bad choices get worse to the point that it affects your safety and well being. I am not just talking about exposure to second hand smoke here, although that is bad enough. No I am talking about things that may not have happened yet, but might if your mom doesn't get herself into treatment soon enough.

Don't stay silent about this. One of the things that will enable your mom to continue with escalating bad behaviours is if you don't speak up for yourself to the other adults in your life, like your dad, aunts uncles, grandparents of other friends or family members.

There's no need for you to endure this all by yourself, so share your concerns with people who you know you can trust, and will help.

You really need to talk to her or call her out. Ask if you can have some talking alone time by going on a walk or sitting in a room alone talking. Tell her you don't want to come off as accusing her, or trying to tell her what to do, but you really need to know what's going and you are worried about her. Tell her you just need to talk to her and find out what's going, and tell her how you've been worrying. That she's your mom and you love her, and she's supposed to tell you thing and you the same with her. Tell her what you have found out, and that even though she is an adult and you are not she is still in the wrong. Tell her you haven't been hiding things from her or lying to her, so she shouldn't be doing that to her. See what she has to say, and listen. But still get your point strongly across.

I feel for you. My husband lies every single day and he really doesn t seem to care that he does other than his precious ego and being called out. I have empathy for you and hope that you can make some hard decisions because from my experience, it only gets wothat s not a quality of life. My thoughts are: be strong and look at the big picture. If you can set boundaries and he can stick with them, then give it a try. If he is unwilling do do so and go to counseling with you, then it s probably time to move on. I m working on my escape plan from hell too. My knight and shining armor turned out to be a 2 decade old plus Fraud and liar. I feel your pain. Good luck and remember to be strong. You deserve a life of peace and happiness without wondering if your husband is lying yet Again. That s no life.

It sounds like your mom is dealing with issues of her own. The reason she didn't tell you about the cigarette thing could be because she knows you are against it and she didn't want to disappoint you or have you get mad at her. The thing with her boyfriend could be because she feels awkward about having a guy around in front of you. If I were you, I would tell her that she can tell me anything and that I won't get mad and DON'T act mad if she does start talking to you about these things even if you get mad because that would only make her get defensive. Good luck.

I use to disapprove a lot of the decision that my father made and would be very vocal about the fact I wanted him to be different. But I think you've got to remember that they are adults and your still the child. If they choose not to tell you something or act the way you want them to they have that right. While this may damage your relationship because you feel like they aren't open with you they don't owe you anything. I think it's best that you just let your mom be who she wants to be, not that you have to lie if she asks your opinion but I don't think that she wants your opinion right now.

There are two possible solutions to your issue:

-Tell your mom everything that you just typed on y!a but express your feelings more

-Inform a councelor

Something similar happened to me although with my step sister. We were very close, and then she got a boyfriend. She stopped telling me things, and I had no idea why. I found out that she had been sleeping with him. She moved out now, but I realized that it was a big mistake that I never talked about it with her. I just let our relationship drift apart.

So while you have the chance, I'd tell your mom how you're feeling. But if you don't feel comfertable talking with your mom, talk to a councelor. You need to get this off your chest.

Hope I helped! :)

Wow that sure does sound like a tough situation. If you want to talk to your mom, go up to her and sit her down. Say something like this: "Mom, can I talk to you about something?" Hopefully, she won't be busy and will be willing to talk to you. Explain to your mom that you love her and don't want her to smoke. Tell her about diseases you can get from smoking, like lung cancer. Also tell her that if she keeps drinking, smoking and abusing drugs that she can severely mess up her life. I don't really know how hard it is to break habits like that, but I've heard it's really painful. Hope it helps and have a good day.

BreeBree:)

Try sitting her down and talking to her. Tell her that you are concerned, and her habitats worry you. And how you feel about her hiding this from you. If shes drinking and driving, there is risk of her getting into an accident and/or getting caught by a police and fined.

Talk to her.

Use "I" language and you can't go wrong. That means talk about how you are feeling, how her actions make you feel - don't judge her on what you think is right or wrong, don't accuse. Stick to talking about you and your feelings, the conversation will go much better.

If you can stick to "I" language then hopefully she will be able to see how her actions are affecting you and you can have a good talk and work some things out.

Don't expect her to welcome all of this with open arms, she might need some time to think about it, So say your piece and give her some space if necessary.

Good luck.

Well, you really need to tell her exactly how you feel. If that doesn't work, tell your dad or someone you know and knows your mother well to talk about it with her. She may be depressed from the divorce. Maybe not.