Mixed signals from the family, what do you make of it? (A Trans Question)?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this kind of situation *hug*

What will most likely happen is as you further progress in your transition - post testosterone, post surgery - it'll sink in, once you're not recognizable as the girl they knew growing up.

You can always simply lay it to them straight: if you can't refer to me by the proper name and proper pronoun, then please don't speak to me at all. I have very little tolerance from people who are disrespectful, I don't care if they're seven or seventy, human dignity is human dignity, and I deserve it as much as the next guy.

I wish you the best of luck hon. You know where to find me if you want to chit chat.

Jay,

I can't really say anything better than the things that Spooky, RadGal and Erica have already said, especially as I'm on the very doorstep of having to tell my own family.

The best I can offer is that I am also approaching this with the idea in mind that some people may choose not to speak to me again, including members of my family. I may lose friends, some people may not understand.

But like you, I have thought about this for a long time, deeper than I've ever considered anything, and have some to the conclusion that this is what it is worth to me. As they say, everything does have a price, I suppose.

I hope they will come around, it sounds like denial of some sort. I don't know how old you are but I'm expecting something like this from my mother, who is in her sixties and from an era where this 'kind of thing' wasn't as widely publicised as it is today.

I hope that as your transition progresses, things will change. When you have a beard and your voice breaks, it will sound a bit silly calling you the wrong thing, I should think, so that might be a significant turning point.

Sorry I can't be more helpful - really the best I can say is that you're not alone?

The only advice I can offer is this.

Be prepared to (potentially) lose everyone you love - and know.

I'm not saying this will happen, and it probably won't, but you have to take the mind-set that it could, or this will eat you up inside. There are no guarantees when it comes to transition. The people who you think will stay by your side might leave, and people you never thought would accept you may become your source of rock-solid strength.

When a person close to you changes in a dramatic way, you can't help reflecting on how this change would feel to you, just as when a person close to you dies, you can't help examining your own mortality. For family and friends of a transsexual, this typically means they will all question, at some level, their own gender identity, and/or sexuality. For many people, this can be extremely troubling, and produce feelings of uncertainty, fear, shame, anger, hatred or embarrassment. For some people, the only way they can cope with these feelings is to separate themselves from what is causing the feelings - the transsexual person. This doesn't mean they will stay away forever, but it usually means they are out of your life until you are finished transitioning, and they can accept that you are now the gender you identify with internally.

Hi Jay, I'm sorry your family is being difficult right now. I am making a guess that they don't understand and aren't trying very hard to understand it. It sounds like maybe you are close to your extended family? What your aunt said was pretty insensitive. When I first mentioned my "gender issues" to my mom, the first thing out of her mouth was "What, you want to have an operation or something?" It was pretty uncomfortable, and things said like that stay in my mind forever. Even stuff she's said about anything when I was little is still there somewhere.

I'd say if you really want your extended family to understand, try and talk to each one about how you feel. At the same time, you can always move on with your life, and maybe they'll come around all on their own.

My extended family all live far away, and they have no idea I'm even gay, let alone now identify as trans. I couldn't imagine trying to explain it to them, let alone my own parents. It takes a lot of courage to be able to talk about it with your family. And it sounds like your grandma is a little harsh. Growing up, I heard anti-gay statements from both sides of the family, so I just keep it quiet. I hope you are feeling better. :(

*Hugs* It sounds like maybe even though they supported you to make you happy, they don't really understand transsexuality, or want to, an they might not see you as male. Maybe when they see you are really real about transitioning, they are like whoah, this is real, an then start reacting. I also noticed when I moved out of my parents house, that my mom started using my female name a lot more. I think it was because behind my back my parents did not call me my male name, so when I wasn't around they got out of the hang of it. Just try to stay strong, is the best I can say, keep your eye on the prize. When people call me she an stuff I pretend they are talkin about someone else. An in reality they are, because that person never existed.

Hi Jay

I know how you feel. I came out to my family in December 2005. I had started H.R.T. in July and knew it was just a matter of time before people would notice changes.

At first most were accepting, 1 brother and 1 sister were not but sense then the sister has become perhaps my biggest supporter through educating herself.

My Mother while accepting at first has always used my male name. Recently at a funeral for an aunt I was completely humiliated by her. We are not a close family with the extended family at all. I have 1 cousin younger then me and the rest are much older, the oldest by 25 years. As a result I never came out to most of them as I really do not know them. Standing with a sister talking to a group of my cousins I had been introduced as Paula, my legal name. My Mother walks up and her exact words were " You all remember "male name" Talk about dropping a bomb at an inappropriate time.

I wish I knew what to tell you. I've tried talking to her, explaining how I feel, I've done everything except total shut off. She has never used my name or female pronouns. It seems the more public the place the more she uses my male name and uses term like son, he, him, his etc. She says I have not changed at all which is a total joke. I have run into people I grew up with, worked with, partyed with and they have no idea who I am.

I think some people just refuse to let go of the person they knew even if that person was a total lie. Correcting some people seems to have no effect at all. Short of cutting them off completely from your life you will probably have to accept they are not going to change. I know how much that sucks. I've limited the places I will go in public with my Mother as a result of how she has been in the past.

Wish I could give you a solution but I honestly do not know. Hang in there.

That has to suck..

I don't think they understand.

Explain to them how hard it is to look one gender, but not think/feel like that gender.

Tell them that you did this so you didn't have to suffer any more.

I can't stand it when people say "lololol ewww Tranny!"

I just wanna slap 'em...Cause they don't understand how much it would suck to be a girls brain in a boys body; or a boys brain in a girls body.

Just sit down with them and explain it to them.. Tell them that you feel like they don't support you and ask them if they could try a little harder to understand and accept it.

Good luck<3

I know your situation is more delicate, but its like calling me that wrong name. it looks like Maria but its not. and everyone at work who does not know me calls me that and it disturbs. I got sick and tired of correcting them so i just stopped even though i hated it. Your grandparents are either really stubborn or just dont understand you.