Wandering Jay

Hey all, long time no question from this guy.

So, anyone who know's my avatar around here knows that I'm the Canadian Transguy, and that I had my chest reconstruction back in October '09.

What you guys haven't heard yet is that this qualified me to have my birth certificate finalized. With all the proper information. Including my sex designation being male. As if it always was so. There is now no way to tell my birth sex (on paper anyways) was even slightly different than any other guys out there.

My question now, is what does this mean? Am I done? This is it?

I would have imagined, more.... fireworks? A parade? More of a fight? I dunno. I'm happy naturally, beyond words to finally be able to prove that I exist. But now I have a worry.

Am I just going to fade away into the cis world? Be one more dude out there that nobody looks at twice?

I'm happy and sad at the same time. I worked so hard for this, but now that I have it... I feel adrift. All that energy I used to use for getting to that next spot in my transition.... I can't think of anything that deserves that much attention in my life now.

Am I just being weird folks? Or is this one of those "we all get there" moments?

Love to all well thought out and respectful replies. Haters will be lol'ed at.

Apparently Y!A isn't LGBT haters! I won an appeal!

Someone reported me, and I appealed and I WON!

Have you ever heard of such a thing? Have you ever won??

This is the question, in question:

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As...

Please, share any victories you've had!

So, my boyfriend and I have been together a whole four months now (whee! love!), and maybe it's my impatience or my aggression that's a factor in this... because I get frustrated quickly when people I love are being bullied, but EFF to my boyfriend's mother!

She already knew he's bisexual, but she keeps on asking him if he will go out with girls or guys AFTER we're done (for the record, we're looking for a bigger apartment to live together in at the moment and have no plans to end our relationship anytime soon). And if I ever encourage him to crossdress (because apparently my trans status makes me someone who encourages corss dressing...), and who is "the girl" in the relationship (and she wouldn't accept that it wasn't me!).

My Yahoo!Awesome Queer family... I am so utterly furious with this woman, I don't know what to do. I've opted to just not engage her, and she keeps trying to push herself on me, and harasses my boyfriend with questions he does not want to answer and that are none of her business... *grr!*

Have you had someone disrespect your relationship, your identity, and your partner like this before? How did you deal? What did you do? And how did they react?

Please, don't encourage me to toss her off a bridge or anything... as tempting as it is Mouth probably wouldn't find the humor in that.

Hey everyone!

Mouth, my boyfriend, posted a question pertaining to the habits of transmen a few weeks back and well... there was a lack of answering so I figured give it one more shot so our film doesn't end up too undereducated.

He wrote a book last year (it's called Rice Tea, it lives for free download @ RiceTeaDOTca), and is adapting it for independent filming for the summer. He's decided that due to a lack of role models for young transfolks, he'd turn the main male role into a transman (who was cis in the book, or not specifically mentioned as trans... we have yet to decide on that :P).

Now, I can tell him about my life as a transman until his ears fall off, but that will only make Seth (the character) a copy of me. That's not what we want. We're trying to take as much detail from as many guys as possible to make Seth genuine and not just a carbon copy of one of us.

So, questions. Feel free to answer, some, all, whatever. My messaging is also available if you don't want to post answers here. Any input we are grateful for, and anonymity is guaranteed if you want it.

- If you had to make some sort of emergency trip and didn't know when you were coming back to your house, what would you be most concerned about bringing along with you pertaining to being trans?

- If you are staying overnight somewhere and the people in the house don't know you are trans, are there any precautions you take to ensure you are not accidentally outted?

- (this is specific to the female loving transmen) Have you been rejected by a female due to your trans status? Did she out and say it was because you are trans or did she make up reasons? Was she nice or nasty about it? What did your pals say in response to her stupid choice? (Mouth worded this one, as he believes anyone who wouldn't date a transman is seriously missing out... oh the love!)

- Binding: What do you use? Do you bind 24-7? When do you take it off/ put it on? What aches and pains do you get? Where? How do you resolve them?

A million and one thank yous for every piece character in your responses! I know someone will say "you should go look this up!", and trust me... I have. Many times, but just spitting out the same old same old is not what we're interested in doing.

Hope everyone is having an awesome day!

Hey everybody! I feel the need to hear other's opinions on what happened today to me at my brand new job. Yay employment after six months of searching!

So, I work for a small, family run company that parallels my post-secondary education. They're nice people, and [I think] GLBT friendly. I was there four days on a trial before they said "heck, we want you full time" and today I was filling out the forms for the health benefits package.

Now, they don't know [yet] I'm in a relationship with another man. And they don't know I'm trans... cause I pondered over the check boxes for a good ... two hours.

Normally the boxes say SEX so I put an F cause hey, that's what my OHIP card says so it only makes sense to keep that consistent. But this form said GENDER. So while I knew they were asking my sex, but being dumb about it... I put male. Legally I am male, everything but my OHIP card says so.

Here's where I wonder. When the company starts paying up for my testosterone in three months (probationary period hooray), and they see its for Jay B - F not Jay B - M... what's the likely response and will I have to come clean so to speak on my trans status? I'm not going to have an issue telling off a company I don't deal with, and I don't worry about what my co-workers will think (I doubt they will care) what I don't want is my coverage to be nulled because I "lied" or they don't do "transitional" medication even though I've been on it for over a year and am in theory... a post op male.

So, am I worrying over nothing? Do you think I shot myself in the foot and rough waters are ahead? Has anyone had to deal with this sort of thing before (and would like to share)?

This is my first time going on my very own insurance plan, so this is new territory for me. Much thanks for kind thoughts and thoughtful words. Flames and hate will be laughed at like the plot twists in Shutter Island (which Mouth and I saw tonight... it was okay.).

Hey all... I switched over to testosterone shots this year after over a year on oral testosterone.

I totally rocked the needle the first time I did it in under the nurse's supervision, I was equally skilled when Mouth was watching me (and videotaping cause he's cute like that), but I flopped last week when I did a half dose (that's all that was left in my vial), and this week doing my full dose I sat there locked in panic unable to do my shot for twenty minutes and then goofed it (it hurt, but it worked).

I am so, not amused with myself and rather than fume and let it eat at me, I've got to ask... does this happen to anyone else or has it happened? Can I get some loving in the form of shared injection angst (I get real pent up right before I decide I'm going to do it, even though I know it's not going to hurt for more than a minute), or tips on how to not get so dramatic about my shots?

Is this just one more step in transition? The realization and panic that I am sticking myself with a very powerful needle, and it's healthy to be a little ... err... afraid??

Thanks for well thought out answers and love to all, trolling and hate will make me laugh. :D

(For out of five of the suggested sections - Cars & Transpo... bwah??)

Today, I got a call back to a company I left my resume with yesterday... they want to interview me next week. Also, I just did my first T injection unsupervised at Mouth's apartment! I feel like I accomplished a lot today!

What about you guys? Did you have a productive day? If not, feel free to share in my accomplishments! :)

(Question asked here cause the Rainbow is made of awesome folks, haters will be giggled at, and peace and love for all!)

Seriously? I was fourteen and looking to connect with other people like myself, and I accidentally found, THREE support groups for transmen who were having their own biological children ranging from donating their tissues to their female partner to carry from carrying their own with their male partner's.

I'm not complaining about the media coverage, don't get me wrong (okay maybe I am a little bit). But really, is it such a bizarre notion that some men have the urge to reproduce and are secure enough in their identities that the concept of male pregnancy doesn't phase them?

I can see this quickly becoming a rant, so I'll just reiterate my question: Prior to Thomas Beatie and now Scott Moore claiming fame as 1st and 2nd, did you know that transmen were out there reproducing? *mock gasp!*

As per usual, hateful remarks will make me laugh... and I asked this question here because it's trans related. Thanks all!

(Suggested Category - Religion & Spirituality... bwah??)

So.... I have me a boyfriend *does happy dance*. Little nagging detail about our relationship though, that I think is weighing on both of us is that he's not... um... as... "out" as I am so to speak. He has some nerves about the homophobic response he expects from his extended family when they realize he is dating another man.

He was expecting the same response when I met his parents last weekend, but to his shock no one seemed to think anything of it (other than the fact his boyfriend seems to eat a lot >.<)... but he's certain that if he and I were to go to a family get together later this month it would cause all sorts of drama.

Frankly, I say bring the drama. Let it all out and take the gloves off! Of course, that is the sort of way I approached my own family .... and nothing really happened with the extended members. Because nobody cares! How can I help him see that taking his boyfriend to a family gathering is not the end of the world? And that the worst that could happen is ten times better than him stressing about it?

And it's not the matter of... "Oh no, missing out on meeting the family."... it's more... symbolic? It's like he's overly worried about what others think and that's really not him. I just sort of... want to rip the band-aid off for him, and get the drawn out outting over and done with.

So... am I being too pushy? Is it really my place to try and get my boyfriend to leap and hope for the best? How can I assure him I'll be there to catch him in the event of a mob chasing him down the street?

Comments, opinions, suggestions.... bring them on. Hate, I will laugh at and be amused by!

So I've fallen head over heels in love with this wonderful man and now he's my boyfriend. We were talking the other day about how my being trans (hence this section as the posting area) and his being cis means we have the possibility of doing the genetic mash up in the future and creating our own little bundles of joy.

Now we're thinking of this as years off, like near a decade. When we are older and not constantly making kissy faces with one another :P I know transwomen don't have access to the medical technology necessary to bear their own children, but can we use his male cis-privilege to gain access the necessary equipment to have him bear our children?

Play nice in the answers and share in the joy I feel of finding someone special, love hits when you least expect it!

(Those who know me around here obviously get the point of my question, for those who don't know me it's tongue in cheek and no offence is meant by anything I have stated.)

(Asked in this section because when I'm not being targeted I hold a TC badge here)

So yet again the trolls are smacking me about. Which is both amusing and frustrating, and I have to ask... has anyone ever actually WON a deleted answer appeal? Or is that just the illusion of an investigative process?

Particularly when I make the argument of being targeted by an online hate group (trolls, yeah I'm fudging the use of the word "group" because we all know trolls can't organize!) as the reason my answer was even flagged. Do I have a chance?

Also MP (mostly for the trans community & others interested) - Would it be gross or neat if I posted a link from my profile to a photo or two of my shiny newly reconstructed chest? Or is that just strange? :P

Guess what? Guess what?? I had a surgical consult yesterday and it's 18 days until I get my chest reconstruction!

Does that short time shock anyone else? My little sister was amazed and said "How the heck do they find a room that fast? And do you want whatever they can find that quick??"... then she hugged me and was happy for me.

I've never heard of anyone else getting a spot so quick. Has anyone else gotten from the consult to the OR that fast?

I'm excited, and the procedure I'm getting is going to leave pretty much no scarring. I cannot believe it. It's like Christmas or something.

A million thanks for thoughtful and positive answers... and laughs at the negative ones who are jealous because I am made of awesome and they are not.

A while ago I changed my name, legally, and only just now while modifying the last few identifying documents did I realize something.

My baptismal record still holds the name I was given at birth.

How can I fix this? Do I have to be re-baptized? Am I unbaptized right now?

Was my immortal soul ever protected by the old ritual? I mean... the name I was given was very much not the name that I should have been given... Did God realize that at the time and lead me to the proper name because He baptized me under my real name in His records? Does God keep baptismal records?

I wasn't too worried about this until it dawned on me that this is actually rather complicated. And given that it wasn't a matter of merely changing my name in a minor way... should I just go through the whole process again and never even acknowledge the original baptism?

If it helps at all, I was baptized Anglican. It was back when I was a toddler, and now I am an adult.

A hundred and one thank yous to all who can offer any information or suggestions on how to find the correct answer. Any hateful remarks or flaming will be utterly laughed at and enjoyed as Internet junk food.

So, it's the eve of my annual camping trip with the guys. I didn't think I would be having to deal with this little issue this summer (since I was supposed to have my chest reconstruction at the end of June, oh well... It's November now)... but here I am.

My fellow transmen! I do not bind. I don't need to under the majority of circumstances. One of the few exceptions is when I am swimming... what the heck should I do in regards to my alternative anatomy while camping and swimming among the public?

I can either, bind (I have tensor bandages, do they hold up in water?) for brief periods, bind while wearing a shirt, wear a shirt, or dig up a very old ... "swimming top" we shall call it... that I utterly loathe and wear that under a shirt.

Or should I just say balls to the wall I am a man, if the public want to stare, let them?

Keeping in mind, the guys I'm camping with already think of me as sex on two legs and I'll be alone in the woods with them for four days :P

Thanks in advance for helpful and well thought out answers. Trolls will be roasted like vile little marshmallows over an open flame of love and peace!

This is actually hilarious to me. I graduated this year, and suddenly my college has decided they are going to discuss the bathroom policy for students in transition (they currently have no policy).

Now, I'm an alumni of the college (w00t). So I'll be taking time to go and be present for the dialogue because there are still two transgirls there at the college (whom are my friends) and I want to support them and trans rights in general.

Here's what I'm hoping for. I'm not the first person to go up against a college for some basic rights, I'm sure. I would love it if everyone could share some stories or resources so I can prepare to wow the college and make sure they make the right choice when it comes to the right to bathrooms.

Pretty much, this is the only link I have to go on right now:

http://www.transgenderlawcenter.org/pdf/PIP%20Reso...

Anyone else got anything better? Canada/Ontario specific would mean the world to me too!

Thanks in advance, and to the haters.... *nah nah nah* You can't stop us, we'll pee where we please!

Here's a twist, all you trans-savvy folks... hush and watch this question with me. I want to see if the GLB crew and others can give consistent answers.

What is "the surgery"? I am of course asking for both transwomen and transmen. What do you think "the surgery" is?

What do you think it involves? Please list for both transwomen and transmen, or only one if you can't create a plausible scenario to share.

No! It's not about my soon to be lobbed off tissues, this is a question for a friend of mine.

She's transitioning, and it has come to her attention that there is a mass in her breast, sitting under her armpit and her nipple is producing a brown discharge.

Her doctor is already pretty much saying breast cancer without so much as test results. He says it "feels like a tumor".

She's been undergoing HRT since March '08... 1.25 mg of Premarin and 200 mg of Spironolactone.

Does anyone have any sort of ideas (other than the C word) as to what might be going on? I'm of the opinion she might have a cyst or two... does that seem likely?

And yes, she is getting it checked out proper. This is just a "in the mean time so as to not worry" sort of asking around the internet.

Thanks to everyone who answers with helpful answers. The trolls will be fed to the kitties!

So I'm quickly approaching the point where the company that currently covers all my transition needs can give me the bump off if I don't do something. I'll be turning 21 in a mere two months and unless I give them sufficient proof that I have a pre-existing condition I'll be on my own for the cost of testosterone and visits to my counselor (aka my ticket to the head of the line for all transition resources)...

Has anyone ever gone to their insurance company with G.I.D as a reason for them to continue coverage (Canada or Ontario in particular)? I'm technically on the plan still as a dependent of my father (it's his work coverage) which is why they boot you at 21 if you aren't in school full time (and I just graduated)... or at 25 if you are deemed worthy.

I keep thinking I would only qualify if I had a really serious condition that required an excessive amount of care.... I don't think that of transitioning and feel like I'd be cheating to use G.I.D (and that I'd be buying into the "oh, I am ill" BS). I think it's meant for adult children who have conditions where they cannot care for themselves... like physical or mental disabilities... Would being trans keep me covered until I am 25?

Also... would playing my "G.I.D card" now mess me up for personal insurance coverage later on in life? Would I be shooting myself in the foot?

A million thanks for any information, suggestions, or stories on how you managed to beat the system (or even how the system caught you) while transitioning.

A few hundred laughs in your face to the trolls, haters, and people who feel the need to tell me that being trans is "wrong".

So, not quite a year ago my extended family got the news that I am trans and was going to transition physically. I got nothing but positive remarks and well wishes from everyone who made any comment on my situation.

Now, I'm being left with the impression that maybe it wasn't as sincere as I had thought. I know, I know, there are worst things that could have happened but all these little things make me wonder if they are saying one thing to my face and another when I am not around.

My Aunt, for example. I was over at her house and somehow we got on the topic of my upcoming chest reconstruction. She asked how much it would hurt, and I started to tell her a few vague details. She then made a face and said "Ew gross! I don't want to know! Oh! It's making me sick just thinking about how much it's going to hurt!". This from a woman in her fifties... very mature. She then made the remark that when she talks about me with her friends she still calls me by my former name and uses female pronouns, but uses my "new name and the he him stuff" when talking about me in the present (she makes some sort of distinguishing line between then and now I guess). I was absolutely devastated when she told me this. It felt like she was slicing up my identity and didn't get that I always had been a "he him"...

Another one (or two) who are leaving me with the impression that they aren't so keen on me being male anymore are my grandparents, particularly my grandmother. When I returned to town in April I was down there with my mother and they both (grandparents) kept on 'she-ing' me. I corrected them and they apologized. I was there the other day and my Grandfather began sheing me again, and I said 'he' and he just starred at me with a blank look. Then another day when I called them I could here him calling to my grandmother "Pick up! It's *girl name*, SHE wants to speak with you."

Also, today my grandmother called me "a little b!tch" and told me she thinks all doctors are full of nonsense and medicine is a lie. Ignoring the fact that she's been cancer free for ten years thanks to medical advances... I'm trying to not read that as a remark that she thinks my transition is bogus... but it's really hard.

Sorry this is so longwinded, but it's been eating at me all evening. Am I just being oversensitive? Or am I seeing cracks in a fake acceptance from some family members? Should I confront them or just suck it up and be happy they don't draw and quarter me or something?

Thanks for all well thought out and constructive comments in advanced. Any counter productive remarks will be laughed at.

I just got an email about the end of the trial. They're putting that piece of scum who took her life away forever now.

http://www.kjct8.com/Global/story.asp?S=10232569

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/us/23transgend.h...

I'm glad at the conviction, but also sad that someone so young had their life cut short so violently.

Where you expecting this trial to go like this? What are your thoughts?