Workaholic husband... it's becoming a problem, advice appreciated?

You need to stop this now. This was my dad. At age 49 he had a myocardial infarction (heart attack). That destroyed 40% of his heart muscle - thats nearly half of his heart that wont ever repair, so the other half has to work extra hard. That was in 1999. He went back to work, things got steadily worse, he worked more and more. In 2006, he missed the birth of his first grand daughter (my niece) because he was in hospital having a triple bypass.

He didnt have existing heart didease, the dr fully believed it was his lifestyle. It could have been worse for my dad, and it upsets me having to think about it now. we have had our problems but I love him dearly.

Anyway, I digress. The above is a very real possibility for men like your hubby. Put your foot down, I can even email you will ALL the details and you can show him it - its seriously not a good situation.

It sounds as if you're bored with your marriage after 17 years, but that you might be less disappointed than most. At least yours didn't start wtih a lot of chemistry, so you may be less disappointed than everyone else is when there isn't a lot of sex 17 years later. He shops. He cooks. You garden. You find your life boring. You wish your marriage were different than it's ever been. Why would you expect it to change now? He knows you like pets. You know he doesn't. Why be upset that he tells someone he doesn't? That isn't putting you down, it's expressing his feelings about animals. You take separate vacations, so why do you care where his vacation home is? Do you have children? Does he have siblings or parents? If so, maybe that flat is for family. If it's a nice flat, you could enjoy it from indoors. The Med might be very nice in the evenings. I do think you're wrong in thinking that he's trying to control you or put you down, based on what you posted. I realize there may be more going on. If you want to break out of your rut, do more things together, have more sex, buy yourself a flat somewhere you like for vacations, that's great if you can get him to go along with you. Maybe he's bored too. Or maybe he's just happy with you the way things have been for 17 years.

No solution but I can sympathise, I was in your position. My (now ex) partner worked 7 days a week, thinking that it was his role to provide as much money as possible. He was out the house at 6am and not back til 8pm, meaning our first born never got to see her dad...she was 10 months old before he had a weekend off work. He was made redundant the day I gave birth to our second and due to an inheritance and lack of work he took a year out and realised just how much he had missed out with our first...he was slightly better after that but still did most saturdays and the occasional sunday.

It took us splitting (not due to him working I hasten to add) to make him realise just how much he had missed out on the children. Suddenly he was having the kids all to himself on a Saturday and he didn't have a clue how to actually amuse and interact with them. He has a second family now and is far more involved with them.

I think showing him your question might be the best idea, he can see a womans point of view as well as a mans. Money is not the be all, sure its important but children grow up so quick and its a shame that he's missing out on all the firsts...you can never get them back.

My husband usually works anywhere from 50-80 hour work weeks. He too, is hoping that with all the hard work he puts in managing his store that he'll be next in line for the assistant director of opps position. I hate it, personally. Whenever he gets a call that says that something happened or someone can't come in he wants to take care of it personally to make sure everything goes smoothly. He goes in early and stays late to get extra things done. And to boot, he's on salary so no matter if he works 45 hours or 80 hours he gets paid the same. And I also know he's not cheating because we talk every day for a little on the work phone etc. I just wish I could see him more often and have him spend more time with out daughter.

I think the solution is to pray and pray and pray for that promo. Talk with him to make sure he knows for sure how bad you want him home. I usually end up crying, not on purpose for effect, but I feel so badly for him not spending time with us and working all the time.

He's told me before that he's just trying to do the best he can for us, and I believe him. What he doesn't realize though is that he can do even better just by spending more time with us. I'd rather be happy and poor than miserable and rich any day.

Email me if you want : ) maybe we can chat every now and then

Hmmmmm, this is a difficult one! If he's anything like my man, he's as stubborn as an old mule and quite difficult to have a conversation like this with him, especially one that's encouraging him to change something he's doing!

Call him today at work and say ''look, we really need to talk tonight, I'm worried about...... I feel that ........'' and when he gets home have exactly in your head what you want to say and make sure he listens, you could always turn on the water works too, that's always a clincher with my fiance! LOL!

I know how you feel, my fella works 12+ hour days, Caiden is in bed when he leaves and in bed when he comes home! He's missed all his firsts already and it's absolutely breaking his heart, only thing is, he doesn't have the choice to take those days off!

Definitely show him this Q and let him see just how worried your are about him and his relationship with you and the kids!

Hope it works out honey!

I don't have any advice for you either, but can sympathise as I too have a workaholic husband. He works nearly all weeekend, and when he gets home from work (generally around 7-8pm) he then sits on the couch with his laptop for the rest of the night working.

We actually had a fairly frank conversation a few nights ago, and I think it cleared the air. We discussed expectations (I am a new mom with 16 week old babe) and he said he felt pressured when he got home from me after having pressure all day because I was angry with him all the time because he was late all the time and that was stressing him out, so I think if you can talk to him about it, and set some guidelines so that he can give you some hope that he may be home more on certain days, or somehow be more flexible so that you get more time with him.

Good luck, I know how you feel :)

I feel for you - my husband would be the same if I let him - he has a very high powered job and could work 24/7 and there would still be work to do - he is often away from home too - but he also works from home a bit too - which is great but it has its drawbacks too. - He doesn't do it now - but I do have to remind him now again and we have a pact that he can work however he wants during the week as long as he doesn't work for 2 hrs after he comes home and all weekend work is banned.

He earns a fantastic wage but is salaried so get no overtime/extra money for the work he puts in over and above so it part him being a perfectionist and part him not being able to let go.

Try writing it down in a letter to him, then he has something tangible that he can read over &over until he gets it. Men are different from us they may be listening and attentive but not really hearing what we are saying. But remember to hear what he is saying too

Good luck he sounds like a lovely man that loves his family and I am sure if you tackle it the right way he will see your point and hopefully you get it sorted quickly

He's working hard because he cares. He wants to do good for you and provide for his family. Sounds as though his mind is made up,and that he's going to go for this promotion. You may not like my advice,but I think it's the most practical in your situation.

Be loving,caring. And let him know how much you appreciate his hard work. Do special things for him,and try to help him feel more relaxed when he is home. Try at least a couple times a week to have a family dinner. Or even bring him food to work if that's allowed. Support him in what he's doing. And listen to his concerns. I understand this will be harder considering you are suffering from PPD. But I think just being around him more and with him might help.

And,some of the spending money you get,why not save that up for a surprise family vacation?

my answer to this is does this loving man want to end up in an early grave with stress and depression because that's whats going to happened if he doesn,t slow down and that goes for all guys who think that by working long hours and bringing home extra cash is good (been there done that jacked the job in got the tee shirt and the anti depressants .) there is a song by Kenny Rodgers called Buy Me a Rose if you can download it from somewhere just play it for him and let him know monies not everything but you and your littleones are .good luck and if all else fails hide his car keys and his trousers and you can tell him I said it and if he, doesn,t obey you I,ll come down and sit on him till we win they don,t call me Big Mac for nothing and you can show him this keep smiling always Big Mac

i feel for you, my husband is very similar to yours work wise. different jobs thoug. my husband is an hgv driver , he goes in at 6am everyday,and isnt home until 7 at night, but he doesnt actually start work until 7am and finishes at 5??? he goes in to top up oil and diesel on other trucks for everyone else. he has asked for 3 days holiday ( great to spend with me and our son i thought ) no to do a cash job for someone else. and he actually told me that if he isnt working hes always looking for work, he cant stand all the family stuff he put it, and would rather be out earning a quid. He also said that in a situation of me needing help to do something, and a bloke down the road offering him £50 to do something at same time, that i would come second.

if you find the answer let me know, but i just wanted u to know ur were not alone !!

i come second place to a Scania truck