I've just had my cleaner over the coffee table and now she's bitter to me?

that was the last time im ever going to be ur cleaning lady,what more do i have to do than to come to work dressed this way?http://www.wonderlandparty.co.uk/acatalog/Fancy_Dr...

u gave IT to the vacuum cleaner but u wont give it to me....and btw im 28 not 38 and my name is not Denise...ooohh ur gonna get such a spanking...lol

This poem is the best thing I've read all day. Thoroughly entertaining and readable - if that's what you were aiming for, it's complete a success. I was left wondering at the end - with the ... What happens next?! It was terribly exciting. It's a nice narrative, with you speaking to yourself in dialogue, it's almost like an internal duologue, looking in a mirror. Confessional with a first person narrative, nice. It's projected on the 3rd person to see now-and-then from the standpoint and perspective of now. :) It also has almost journal/diary entry qualities with the question title you've included. A very good idea of yours was to explain the identities of the two main characters in the title. It avoids confusion but lets the narrative flow naturally without divisive interruptions to explain that 'You are her and She is you', imagine that? It would be confusing and terrible to read. Well done. As a reader; you have shown me all these piece of information, many of which lead to questions. It created intrigue and engrossed me in the poem. The bandaids of the wrists are one example - I'm so happy you didn't tell me you'd slit your wrists. I felt just like the other characters who, through social constraint, were incapable of asking questions. This is highlighted in picking up the bill. It has depth and meaning but also drama!

Lady F is right, Scoundy - your sac is way too full, young man.

Sometimes manual manipulation can solve the problem. Otherwise a good blow usually does the trick.

If young Denise was as seasoned a scrubber as meself she would have given satisfaction in this department by now.

There's only one thing for it. I'll be over in a jiffy to whip you BOTH into shape...

Right after I've given Maggie a hand with young Ted!

Wrong? What have you done wrong? Smarten up.

1- You have hired a woman over the age of 29. We have discussed this several times, and I realize we are usually drunk, but it is an absolute mistake to hire older woman. They are very set in their ways and have those menopause issues.

2- You actually have seen your vacuum, and/or even attempted to fix it?. Please, the last time I asked you for a screwdriver, you handed me a glass of vodka with a splash of orange juice in it.

edit: Maggs , any excuse to throw me over your knee. See Scounds, this proves my point.

I suspect your bag needs emptying old chap. However, when emptying the contents of your sack, do take care not to spill it on the coffee table. Toodle pip.

Incidents can happen in the best run households, personally I advise you change the coffee table.

Mrs Mills

my good man, you were probably on blow instead of suck. Please pay more attention as to where you plug in your attachments. This sort of suck/blow confusion can only result in a disaster for all concerned. yours Lord T (same rules apply regarding the vacuum cleaner what?)

She'd probably just finished polishing the table when you dirtied it up again.

Good job you didn't do that to my Dyson after I'd cleaned the filter you would be half the man by now.

Well if i was your cleaner darling i'd rather you had me over your coffee table ohhhhh