Why do people on this site answer like Cancer is a death sentence?

Terminal is not the best term to use. We are all dying and as you say life is terminal. It is true overall people are surviving stage 4 disease longer now than ever before and this is primarily due to our ability to better manage breast cancer, but there are not more people surviving. I don’t look at the answers as being negative or positive – they should be factual.

How cancer is reported, staged, coded and kept is so incredibly detailed it can be mind-boggling. The entire system is designed to give as much common ground to the hundreds of diseases we call cancer as possible to make comparisons meaningful. This information is used by researchers all over the world.

The 5-year survival rate is an example of this. There are survival statistics beyond 5 years. This is how we know stage 4 ovarian cancer survival rates have not changed in more than 30 years. If you are diagnosed with cancer today you will be kept track of till the day you die even if it is 50 years from now and when you do we will know the cause of death and if you had active cancer at the time of your death.

We are very aware of just how much we do not know. Patients surprise us all the time and miracles really do happen, but when people are faced with such a life changing event the best answers you can give them are based on facts and as accurate as possible.

EDIT:

Thank you lo_mcg for your kind words. Until I read your answer I had no clue this was about me! I answer few breast cancer questions because of you. Your answers are accurate. You are very patient with some of the crazy questions that are asked and you are able to add a personal touch only a person who has experienced breast cancer can give.

It may come as no surprise that I have been told once or twice that I can be a little too blunt. However, I do not intend to dash anyone’s hopes or to be unkind. Facts are what they are - it is not a matter of being positive or negative. That comes from how the person receiving the information perceives it.

Very good question.

I am a cancer specialist physician with 20 year experience.

I have never used the word "terminal."

Just look at the good answers you have here ! !

On this site, you must sort out the ones who know from those who know not.

Elizabeth Edwards has breast cancer spread to bones - according to news reports.

I've seen patients with this who remain stable for years with hormonal treatments alone - e.g. tamoxifen. We cannot expect to cure it, but we don't cure diabetes or high blood pressure either - we control them.

ALL people are indeed terminal.

No one has gotten out of life alive - yet.

[ I'll stay away from the theology on this.]

My patients would often ask for predictions.

I would say that we cannot know - and that I could be killed in an auto accident tonight - so I like your "hit by a car" analogy.

No one KNOWS the future. Many people like to make guesses.

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If each of us had an envelope containing the information describing the date and mode of our deaths - how many of us would open that envelope to see? I suspect that most people would. I would tear it up without looking inside - why? - because I don't believe there is anyone who has that information ahead of time. Whatever information might be in the envelope would most likely be false. Whatever your concept of God, only God knows - and He doesn't tell us. That is why humans have a feeling we call "hope."

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You know that other animals - besides the human animal - don't worry about such things as death - as far as we know. Remember what Socrates said (according to Plato), " I am wise because I know that I do not know." So true today - 2400 years later.

You're right. People do act like that. I don't have it, but I have a friend that got a powerful breast cancer in her 30's and that was about 10 years ago and she's doing great and the docs told the family that it wasn't looking good for her then and they thought she wasn't going to make it. I have another friend and his cancer in his nose was so deep, they were going place to place and no doctors would do surgery on him, and after looking a while they found someone that would and he's been clear of the cancer a year. Keep on keeping on. Your attitude is amazing!

So true!

Most cancers, particularly if caught early are very treatable.

There are some stages/types of cancers I have very negative feelings about, having lost friends and family that way.

When people are asking for prognosis, and I think that they will be facing death sooner rather than later, I tend not to answer.

The reason there aren't survival statistics beyond 5 years is that too many people succumb to something other than cancer beyond that time for the statistics to stay valid.

For some people, it is a death sentence. My mom was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer on 4/1/08 and was deceased by 7/30/08. I came to this forum looking for answers, guidance and hope. I got a dose of reality. People were honest about sharing their experiences with me and letting me know what to prepare myself and my family for.

It's not to say that all people are in that situation. But I'm sure several are. Cancer can be treated for some. But not everyone gets better. Not everyone lives or survives from cancer.

I'm not trying to be a downer here. Some people treat it like a death sentence because, for them, it is. Facts are facts.

Before answering I had a quick glance at a few of your answers, and I saw one where you berate Denisedds for repeatedly giving negative answers and dashing hope, and I assume that is where your question stems from.

Denise is a much respected contributor to this forum and a cancer professional, and while her answering style may be different from some - she tends to be concise and to the point rather than writing essays - her answers are factual and honest, including the answer you berated her for.

Not giving false hope is not the same as dashing hope. Had I discovered this forum at the time of my diagnosis I would have had questions to ask and, just as with my medical team, I would have been looking for complete honesty. What would have angered me then is what angers me now in answers to others - people saying 'you'll be fine' and offering platitudes and cliches about being/staying/thinking positive. I wanted the truth, warts and all.

So... you are both right and wrong in my opinion.

Right in that there are many people who answer questions here who are very ill-informed about cancer. Some are one-off answerers, some answer regularly despite their lack of knowledge. I have no idea what motivates people to do this. I include in this group people who answer 'I know you'll be fine' - they don't, even the person's doctors can't know that.

But I think it would be absurd and extremely unhelpful for anyone to adopt a Pollyanna-like approach to answering the serious questions that appear on this site.

And I for one appreciate the honest, straightforward and informed answers given by professionals like Spreedog and Denisedds.

I often answer questions on here, because I feel my experience as someone who has undergone cancer treatments and is still here over 5 years later may be helpful to some, and even encouraging. And the small amount of knowledge I have gained about cancer may also help - and where I don't know, I don't answer.

But sometimes facts about cancer aren't easy to hear; and if someone has asked a question it is, I think, an insult to their intelligence to assume they would prefer platitudes and positive stories to the facts.

So if someone asks 'Is breast cancer curable?' I see nothing wrong in adding to the large number of answers that will appear saying 'Yes it is my mother's friend's neighbour had it and she's still here 20 years later' by giving the facts - ie no doctor will tell a breast cancer patient she is cured, bc can recur at any time even years after treatment. If appropriate i will point out that an average of 112 women die of bc each day in the US alone. I will always add my story - fit and well over 5 years after diagnosis with stage 3 bc.

Being honest is not the same as being negative; providing realistic answers is not the same as dashing hopes.

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Edit* Denise, I type very slowly and hadn't seen your answer when I replied

The best thing to do in your situation is to start living in the moment and stop anticipating what might happen. I know that it is hard and the fear will creep in . . but try to learn how to chase it away . . tell yourself that your father is alive right now and right now is all that matters (because that is the truth!). Don't project into the future or worry about something that has not yet happened . . no one knows what will happen . . so stay focused on your Dad, remain hopeful, visit him often, enjoy his company, and when bad thoughts come in shake them off because he is here right now and in the moment. Call him if you need to hear his voice. I also heavily recommend that you take many, many pictures, videos, and tell him you love him every day . . also hug him . . any time . . all the time . . have no regrets . . always hope for the best. Before our family went through cancer I can tell you that I never knew a person could live in such fear and still function . . but you can . . we did it and you can too. Stay strong.

In my family everyone that gets cancer dies. I honestly hate cancer. It gradually sucks the life out of a person. I watched countless family members waste away into nothing. My mother passed away in January. I went to every doctor visit and chemo appt with her and in the end it was resistant to all known drugs. The chemo alone almost killed her. Nobody knows what's going on with Elizabeth but those closest to her. My mother put up appearances but it was me she called when she had panic attack, severe pain, nausea vomiting, crying spells, not the people on the outside who kept saying Oh your mom looks good she doesn't even look sick. My mother was a fighter. My mother battle cancer for 18 months dead at age 50... I have to start having colonoscopy tests at age 38 and yes it scares me. My grandfather died of colon cancer, cousin died of leukemia, one grandmother died of breast cancer, and my other grandmother I never knew they found cancer until 6 years after her death. Great grandmother died of liver cancer. So yes excuse me for fearing the worst when I hear the words cancer.

Because you should ask educated people about cancer that refer to the statistics, truth, and science behind it. Rather than victims, pessimists, and those who don't know as much whom are instilled with fear of the disease, arrogance of knowledge, or too gloomed to give you a straight answer.

My guess?

I would say the reason is that people answering health questions on Yahoo Answers aren't M.D.'s

Just people with experiences trying to use their limited perspective to answer questions much more complex than is likely to be explained without a consultation (or many) with a physician or oncologist...

But that's just a guess!