Have a great marriage, but?

You sound like a very mature, responsible woman. It is truly draining to have children the ages you do. As they age - if you choose not to have more - you will have more emotional energy left for "you" at end of day.

Your desire to have an "extraordinary" life is a beautiful thing. When my wife and I married 20 years ago I said this to her:

I want to be "in love" with you always - physically - passionately - "in love". There is a lot that goes into it, but the basic foundation for me is at least partly physical. So lets make the effort, hard as it is to stay fit and slim for each other. And I will make the effort to create a situation where we have no financial stress since money worries are a huge "turn off" to most people. And over the years .the thousands of hours we have spent together walking, biking, racquet balling, tennis playing have been truly fun and helped us stay bonded. And we don't buy junk/high fat/high sugar foods that either of us find "addictive". And so in year 20 I physically "crave" my wife. I love nothing more than to spend time with her - sometimes with our 3 kids, and sometimes just her. And she has made the effort for us to have a killer sex life - and that is "true love" because it sure isn't lust. I am really, really fit. Still after 3 kids her sex drive was low. But she knew that sex was very important to me, and that making the effort to provide me a great sex life would keep our marriage at an emotional level typically reserved for "honeymoons". And I also have a "short list" of things that I know make her feel very loved. And I do them daily, weekly, monthly. And some of them are NOT things that come naturally to me. I am not catholic but NOTHING stops me from going to Church on Sundays - no matter how "tired" I am. Because I love to see her smile and it makes her happy I go to church with her.

If your husband has the same desire for an extraordinary life and marriage that you do, then start talking about passion, what creates it for you, for him, what are both of your priorities and what is your schedule/routine to get there.

I think a lot of people go through this problem. Life can get boring or mundane. It does sometimes feel like we're sucked dry. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Place nursing school on the back burner, it isn't going anywhere. Those classes will still be there when you're ready. Commit even more time to your husband and little ones.

I also want to remind you, you still haven't hit the 1 year mark from your last baby. It takes me at least a year to get my old self back. Try different vitamins and see if that doesn't help.

You've made it, girl. Enjoy this life! There's nothing out there better than what you've got. You never know when it will be snatched from you.

You say you want an extraordinary life, how do you define an extradition life? Is it with or without your husband? Is it destroying you children's home life or protecting it? Is it having a job or not? You must decide what that is. You already know destroying your family is not an option.

I think in part you're getting over the 'fary tale' of it all and wanting more excitment and help with your family. Right now with a 2 yr old and 10 month old (even 6 yr old) everyone is demanding your time and can't comprehend how you feel...you're Mom.

Also, you're going to school full time. So, I wouldn't say so much your family is sucking you dry but, school is. Your husband probably (ok maybe he does) understand the demands on your time. But, still it's easy to forget how much one does when you have your own busy life.

Going to school full time with 3 children isn't easy. I guarentee you it's worth it--have many friends that are doing it. But, it's draining.

My advice is if you can take a summer term off to relax then I'd do that. See if you can find a sitter once a week or once a month and go out with your husband. Let him know you feel a little in a rut, need some help?, want to get out and have quality time...ect. Probably word that better.

I think you're just in a phase where you're raising your kids and they have high demands on your time---also school high demands on your time. Neither are simpatictic (maybe your 6 yr old) and neither will give you days off.

If you ever feel like you're just going through the motions then switch it up. For example: the kids are blah and fussy...take them to the park, or zoo, or exploring, or do a craft you've never tried before, ect. By wanting an extraordianry life...it sounds like you want excitment or happiness most of the time. Try doing new things with your kids and see how they react to new stimuli. It will be fun. Remember: there's nothing wrong with being ordianry...you don''t have to have Beaver's family to be a great mom and woman.

Also, if you feel you're suffering from a medical problem please consult your doctor. Women has discussed changes in body and personality alike after birth. So, you can check with your doctor as well.

ADD-- You can be a full-time mom and full-time student. You can do it with help. Is it hard? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Again my friends have done it (one did 18 credits, 1 baby (less than 1yr) and working part-time). Ask your husband to help with the house work ('cause yes, you need help w/ that) and start teaching your 6 yr old to do her chores. As a nurse you'll ensure a solid future for your children should you fall back on your career aka husband lose job. You never know so I encourage you again to go for your education...

Good luck!

You didn't tell us your age. Did you marry right out of school, or did you "party" for a few years before marriage? You said yourself you have a "truly blessed life". An old saying says the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Try talking to your clergy, or a trusted friend or relative. Maybe send the kids to Grandma's for a weekend and you and hubby just take a romantic getaway. Good luck

I guess we all go through stages. Maybe your life is just too routine. You may need to add some other activities for just you and the hubby. Kids can tie you down at times from having fun. Or maybe you need to go an a great family vocation and just be free. Nothing is wrong with wanting something better. Everyone should want the best out of life. We may not get it but nothing's wrong with wanting your family life to be ultimate.

Hi there,

You know, I feel your words because I have been through the exact same thing hunni.

Don't blame yourself at all , it sounds to me like you're suffering from a mild form of depression and if you feel like you have nothing more to give then you have nothing more to give, don't beat yourself up about any of it OK ?

I can tell you that you will be just fine, but you must go and speak to your doctor about it , and he/she will be able to help you .

It may post natal depression or you're just ran down and need an energy boost or simply just some rest and relaxation and time to be you again, not wife and mother .

I don't get the impression that you're unhappy with your hubby or your kids or your situation, you're just unhappy with the way you feel, after all, looking after a home, a husband and 3 young kids will take it's toll .

There are times when we all ask the question " is this as good as it gets " ? but that is normal darling, we all wonder if life could be better, but it usually isn't .

Please go and speak to your doctor ( I did, and now I'm fine again with his help ) .

If you need to talk about it you can send me a message .

Good luck hunni :)

It's easy to see why you feel this way. You can't be a full time student, full time mother, full time housekeeper & cook & still have anything leftover for yourself. What's going to happen when you get a full time job ? Your kids will get dumped at daycare, you will feel guilty& there will be no time for you or your kids & husband. You chose to have those last 2 kids in rapid succession. That is a full time job in itself. Why did you pursue nursing school when you had your hands full already ? You are a grown up now. You don't get to have everything you want, anytime you want. You chose to have those kids. You are cheating them out of your attention. Some people will say 'quality time' is just as good. You don't even have time for that. You have to choose what's more important right now. Time with your children can never be replaced. Nursing school will always be there.

You're going through what many women face after having kids - its called depression. Maybe even postpartum depression. You may need to see a therapist to work through it, or there may be more deep seated issues at hand here that you're not aware of. Maybe you just need a change to jump-start your marriage, like doing something neither of you have ever done before - sky diving, bungee jumping, etc. The bond an experience like that creates a closeness that you maybe haven't felt for awhile. I hope things get better for you...

Sounds like a mid-life crisis of sorts. Also sounds like you have good reason and have not let your moods change you in any real way. Maybe get a new hobby and do something completely new for you to help you get over it...this to shall pass and you will feel good about your family again.

Everyone has periods of time like this in their marriage.Try to find some alone time for you and your husband if it's just watching a movie by yourselves or by taking a weekend trip.Any time spent together away from kids and the homelife can help to renew your spirit.