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something i wrote.thoughts?opinions?
Wasted thoughts
That no one knows
Wasted flower
That no one sees grows
Wasted time
That no one will spend
Wasted beginning
That no one knows the end
Wasted games
That no one will play
Wasted sunrise
That no one knows is a new day
Wasted tears
That no one will see
Wasted air
That no one will breathe
Wasted life
That no one will live
Wasted love
That no one will give
been writing alot lately and this seems to be the only venue i feel comfortable sharing in.so lemme know what you think.thanks
open to suggestions?
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
this is very good and emotional, but some things need fixing. first, there's and "s" after grow on the flower stanza; it would sound much better with out it. after wasted tears, have something else like "That no one hears" or something, because you used "see" with the flower. or change the flower and keep the tears. i LOVE the last lines starting with wasted tears. i think thats where it gets emotionally stronger. very well done.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
its good and simple. i just dont think that the sunrise lines make sense