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? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

something i wrote.thoughts?opinions?

Wasted thoughts

That no one knows

Wasted flower

That no one sees grows

Wasted time

That no one will spend

Wasted beginning

That no one knows the end

Wasted games

That no one will play

Wasted sunrise

That no one knows is a new day

Wasted tears

That no one will see

Wasted air

That no one will breathe

Wasted life

That no one will live

Wasted love

That no one will give

been writing alot lately and this seems to be the only venue i feel comfortable sharing in.so lemme know what you think.thanks

Update:

open to suggestions?

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    this is very good and emotional, but some things need fixing. first, there's and "s" after grow on the flower stanza; it would sound much better with out it. after wasted tears, have something else like "That no one hears" or something, because you used "see" with the flower. or change the flower and keep the tears. i LOVE the last lines starting with wasted tears. i think thats where it gets emotionally stronger. very well done.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    its good and simple. i just dont think that the sunrise lines make sense

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