What do you think about this lyrics?

Question

I just started playing the guitar a couple of months ago and lat week I decided I would make my first song. I composed a simple but good sound first and just today managed to write some lyrics. It turned out better than I thought however I need a third party to judge them. Here it is, its called " A dream I had" ( It's a bit long by the way).

---------------------------------------------------------------

One Night….I had a dream
Where my love and I were together
We had…. a baby boy
And home was in front of the ocean

We…lived in a world
Where war wasn’t with us all
Where greed….was finally gone
And parents never buried their children

Chorus
Oh perfect dream
My precious dream
Tears in my eyes
You brought to me

Oh perfect dream
My Wonderful dream
Will you ever 
True become

My love and I ….Were on our bed 
Holding  each other  with all the strength 
I touched her cheek ….She touched mine
“I love you” I whispered before kissing her

The world…was finally fair
And everybody was free
Free from the pain
That the games of politics and terror gave them

My ….son and I
Played on the streets without fear of terrible things
He grew older…and had his children
And around a Christmas tree we were all gathered

Around the world….everybody was the same
Enjoying and loving the gift of life
No pain….no lies
Living happily the dream that I had 


Chorus
Oh perfect dream
My precious dream
Tears in my eyes
You brought to me
Oh perfect dream
My Wonderful dream
Will you ever 
True become

I grew old….my time had passed
I closed my eyes ready to wake up
Life was perfect….everybody was
I wish I didn’t have to leave that heaven

My eyes were closed…I woke up
A tear I found running through my cheek
The dream had ended….or so I thought
Maybe one day the dream will come true

Maybe one the dream will come true

Funeral · Accepted Answer

that is way too cheesey especially the part that goes maybe the dream will come true

? · Answer

girls who think you're cute will love it (you don't have to be handsome for girls to think you're cute). people like me will either hold their sharp tongues and be glad your dream is one of good will, or they will hold their sharp tongues and throw a salt-shaker at you.

My advice, brother, is to put that one in a drawer, and let it slip your mind. When you stumble upon it again, you may still like it. You may hate it passionately. It really is very smarmy.

? · Answer

you have some good ideas
and its really nice
but try and find out if you want it to rhyme and what genre you want it to be
its alot easier when you do that
make sure everything makes sence too
i think i know some one who you should ask
her blog is "meagainsttheworld-triple3threat.blogspot.com"
ask her what she thinks

Andrea · Answer

Impressive It is beautiful What was your inspiration?

Trending News

What do you think about this lyrics?

4 Answers