Was it right to tell my friend that I think her boyfriend is a bad person?

Question

I am a guy, and my friend has a boyfriend. I knew this guy before she met him and although I didn't know him all that well from what I saw with his last girlfriend and the way he talks about girls. It's pretty obvious too me that the guy is shallow and doesn't really care much about women.

I warned her about him when she first started talking to him and she thanked me but said they were just friends. A few months later it was starting to get pretty obvious that they were together but I didn't know for sure. I tried to stay out of it because I really didn't want to know the truth.

But recently I just got tired of knowing she was with this asshole. So I decided to bring it up. I sent her a message explaining my thoughts and told that she could ignore it, listen too it, or talk to me about it.

She decided to talk to me about it and asked me about some of the things he had done. I explained and she tried to defend him, but I kept coming back with something she couldn't find an answer for.

I don't know what affect this will have on her, but I will find out over the next little while. I am hoping she will realize the truth.

I am just wondering, was I in the right place telling her that her boyfriend was a horrible person?

MsManner · Accepted Answer

Yes, you were absolutely right.  That is one of the reasons we have friends - to show us things we didn't see.  She's probably got that "I can change him" syndrome which makes her think you're wrong, and he is different with her.  Now, only time can allow him to reveal his dark side to her.  If she remains in denial she'll stop listening to you and will have to learn the hard way.

eldots53 · Answer

You did the best you could - you were not wrong to try to protect her, but often what happens in these cases is they just wind up trying to defend the jerk - as you found out.  People see what they want to see, and this is why experience can be the best teacher.  It is better, rather than to attack or trash the guy, to explain your concerns, and leave it to her.  It is her life to bollix up or not, at her own choice.  I agree with the poster who said that if you flog this issue too much, it makes it look as though you have an ulterior motive - and, DO you?  If you are sweet on her and trying to get her to "see" your wonderfulness and to dump the other guy, it never works.

nippythefish · Answer

You did about as much as you could do as a friend.  Pressing the issue will make it seem as if you have alterior motives for caring so much.  Some women are gluttons for punishment when it comes to relationships...you got to just let them learn on their own, usually.  Rehashing your concerns after this most recent instance is not advisable, as you've already stated your opinion to her.  Any more will seem to her like you're interfering with an aspect of her life that you don't need to be involved in.

Allyssa B · Answer

First off, are you saying he is a bad person because of how he was with the previous girls? Care to elaborate more on that? 
It could be that he changed for your friend because it is possible that he could really like her... 

I can't really tell you whether you were in the right place to do so, due to lack of details, but I will say that you seem very protective and caring towards her, which I applaud you for :)

dimmitri · Answer

Oh god , gays are in some situations greater catty then ladies LOL heavily it mad glaring this little dude is purely commencing rumors to get to you and make you experience self conscious. he's clearly jealous. besides i could maximum in all probability tell my boyfriend on the subject of the area and make him decrease off any connections he had with stated individual somewhat if tis individual wasnt very large ot have faith worth. In all different expects in the journey that your boyfriend does have something to do with this , i could say ditch him . A relationship is in basic terms a million/2 a conflict gained , the real undertaking is making it final

michelekalish · Answer

I think that when someone likes someone they don't want to hear what they have done in the past. Yes I realize that you are her friend and it upsets you to see her with this guy. But it is her choice to make.
You did what you thought was right but she will find out for herself if the guy is bad news. Then she will admit to you that you were right.
But also this boy may have changed. You never know it is possible.
Time will tell.

Warm Regards
Michele

redheadsrockyeah · Answer

Yes, it was right to tell your friend in my opinion. You're just trying to look out for her and make sure she doesn't get hurt. But if she really likes this guy there's nothing you can do about it. But when something does happen you shouldn't feel guilty because you know that you tried to warn her.

Anonymous · Answer

If I was in your place, I would have ignored it. But I also think that you did the right thing, it's obvious that you care for this girl and that her happiness means something. You were in the right place for telling her this. Who else would have told her?

Hope I Helped ;)

wrestlingforever&lt;3 · Answer

If I was in your place, I would have ignored it. But I also think that you did the right thing, it's obvious that you care for this girl and that her happiness means something. You were in the right place for telling her this. Who else would have told her?

Hope I Helped ;)

Dude · Answer

It sounds ok to me, but I would be careful about constantly harping on this, maybe he is different with her?

Let her figure things out without being too much of a nag

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Was it right to tell my friend that I think her boyfriend is a bad person?

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