What is the best way to help someone you love leave an abusive relationship?

You are helping her by giving her a place to go. She has to really be motivated to change her life and I don't think that's the case.

I have been that woman and the only thing that has worked for me is learning to understand myself - this has been through experience and psychotherapy.

Also, several times over the years I found that a group of strong, supportive, wise women helped a great deal. These groups of women were usually the staff of refuges, hostels and mother&baby care units.

I also found that having a child helped massively - it gave me my first experience of a rewarding relationship and a new motivation to leave - it also gave me a different person to revolve around and boosted my sense of self-worth.

Another thing that helped a great deal was learning about the syndrome and cycles of violence, power and abusive relationships. Learning how abusers operated and learning what my rights were and basically just gaining a deeper understanding and perspective on what was wrong with my relationship and why - I gained this understanding by comparing my relationship to healthy relationships and by being given leaflets/ booklets and counselling. This education/information helped to break the habits I was in of making excuses for the other person, seeing things with a poor perspective, basing my evaluations on childhood abusive relationships, blaming myself or failing to recognize abuse for what it was.

Also, what helped alot was to see a real example of an alternative - for example, when my child was 4 months old I spent the whole day worrying, suffering and struggling as I lived with the violent abuser. During this time I visited a mother and baby unit where the women spent the days in clean, beautiful little rooms where they had peace and space to enjoy their babies. This inspired me so much that I actually had the strength to pack a little bag, leave the abusers home and move into the mother and baby unit! Under the motherly care of the staff and with space away from the abuser I began to shift my focus on to my baby and revolve around my baby instead of the abuser. A couple of weeks later I ended the abusive relationship - and though it took nearly a year of slowly letting go completely I never went back. - Many abused women take months or years slowly letting go - they often have a fear of losing people and the letting go process can be very slow and gradual. It may appear to regress sometimes, but just keep encouraging her and giving positive reinforcement.

Maybe you could get her to go to lunch with you and you could take her by a battered women's shelter for counseling. Or even if you could get her to go on her own. I feel for her I know what she is going through.It is not easy especially with one on the way in the mix. He will never change and you could start by letting her know it is not her fault she did nothing to deserve this violent treatment. He's not a real man. A real man would never hurt a woman.

This is serious stuff she really needs to take a closer look at him and see him through the eyes of someone else she is so blindsided and deceived, he must be a Charmer.This is spiritual ,so much I have started writing a book on it. If there is anything I can do let me know I know writing is not my forte but The Lord has laid it on my heart to do it.Domestic Violent is on the rise maybe there are some web sites you can get her to check out. People get murdered is situations like this and with the baby on the way........... it could get worse. He may be staying around just long enough to run with the child

God bless

She is fortunate to have a friend like you.

i have a 20 year old stepdaughter like that...she wont leave him, been going on for 1 year