Is this any good writing?

I just want some criticism with my writing and I'm only 13.......

I'm writing a novel but I don't really want to post it anywhere yet, but here's a short story I wrote about 9 months ago for school. I did some editing as I typed this in.

so the teacher's question was....................

-Imagine you're walking down the street with friends and find an odd abandoned car and you can't believe what's inside.........

We waited for the rain to stop up until midnight had come, it was already dark when when we reached a familiar street. There were no people around, just the lights flickering on and off and the dark alleys that frightened me in thought that there was something lurking in the darkness. As we walked in the moonlight we went past an old abandoned car. It was dirty, spider webs and all. The tires were flat and the side mirrors were smashed and in the corner of my eye I saw something horrid. Inside the car was a guy in white caressing a girl in his arms, but something wasn't normal; blood ran through the girl's neck as the guy punctured his sharp fangs against it. It caught its blood red eyes at me and in surprise, I jumped in fear as it opened the car door leaving the girl behind. Me and my friends were terrified. I did not know what to do and what was going to happen. It went closer towards me as I froze, but my friends still managed to hide behind one of the dumpsters on the dark sidewalk. I was in terrible fear as a flash of light struck my eyes and blinded me. As I opened my eyes again, there was somebody in front of me; black hair and a gray vest. He was holding a gun with a chain connected to his sleeves, he held it up high to the vampire whose teeth were stained red. The vampire smirked as he attacked. I thought it was too late, but the guy in front of me pulled the trigger as the vampire disintegrated into the air, leaving nothing. The person looked at me with piercing and carried the girl in the car earlier and left. I wanted to thank him, but all was too shocking for me to even move my lips. My friends and I got home, wishing it all to be a dream.

Hahaha! I think I was watching too much Vampire Knight during the time that I wrote this!