I Hope I didn`t do anything horrible.?

let`s make this a little easier to understand.

[ my last post was confusing )

me and a recent ex has been broken up about nearly 2 years now. with an on and off relationship after out official one. many times he`s hurt me , lied to me, and nine times out of 10 cheated on me . he actually was my idol, i looked up to him more than a boyfriend but someone who inspired me. i mean its been a blessing that he was in my life. but for what happened . . .

we got in a slight argument after i was embarrassed in front of a crowd of people by him. i had so much anger from that moment , i held onto it for a good 2 periods and went home in complete rage and wrote him a long letter explaining how i felt.

all i know is an hour later my friend called me explaining how he felt, basically saying F**K HER and this that and above. he had yet to talk to me or bad mouth me in my face. i know i shouldnt have went this far , and ive forgiven myself with the regret and guilt.

adding the fact i did leave him ALONE after that letter was written. I have no talked bad about him, talked to him or ANYTHING. but everytime i`m brought up around him he has to and i mean has to say some rude things about me. he`ll call me names and whatnot.

I`ve asked many friends, and i can`t rely on their answers because sometimes friends wont give you the truth. please tell me what`s going on? btw i`m 17 and he`s 18.