How can I get my daughter back?

went thru the same thing;; but my daughter was strongly influenced by her father for years;; & he played the games & lost in court, but was able to convince my daughter (manipulations for years, & of course I could not speak bad of her father;; I also could not let go of the fact that he IS her father, that he should feel like a father:: but I know better now, it was all the "win" & the money manipulations;; his motto in life is "get them before they get you", yeah, military man, HAH!);; anyhow, my daughter was convinced that she wanted to live with him, caused a LOT of commotion @ home (she even started playing the game, into ODD) until I got angry @ her for the multiple (bad) things she was getting into (he refused to support me or discipline her, he was the "spoiling father");; then she finally found cause to just take off to live with her dad (of course she doesn't know any better, she's just a teen);; that was less than a year ago;; & he's cont'd to "play the game"... I find it really very difficult to fight for her since she wants to be there & will only cause more havock @ home, so.. she's gone;; I miss her terribly, but have decided that this is not the world I want to be in (the 180 degree turn she took, the hourly defiance, the tearing apart of my home, the multiple temper tantrums, the poor grades, deciding to not get confirmed, basically making life very miserable.. so when I hear on these sites how kids want to seek revenge on their parents, it burns me up), nor want her to be in (this tug-o-war game);; it's out of my hands since she's made her decision;; court costs are ridiculous & they keep the revolving doors going;; going to court, adding up fees & never getting anywhere;; I've been to court @ least 20 x's & have actually only seen the judge 3 times;; I've decided mentally, emotionally, physically, & financially it is just out of reach to try to calm down the lies;; I've burnt out;; my ex changed my life & my daughter ended it, is how I feel (too hard to get into the ordeal of it) but this has evolved from many years;; I can't even imagine seeing her @ this point cuz I know I would break down completely;; no matter what, I KNOW I was a good mother, in spite of the fact that the ex, courts, lawyers, & child burn ya out from all of this, & ya have to keep on ticking;; my heart is broken & I really find it extremely difficult to even talk about;; but, what I can suggest to you, is tape all conversations, write down records about what happened when, go to court when you have this info (cuz whether or not he or your daughter wants contact with you, both are going against court order;; & by the way, I REALLY hope you taped what the step-mom said cuz it explains ALL about what is happening in that home);; then go to court & file for FULL custody;; this so-called family is alienating you;; but trust me, I know how you feel, when all access is lost, you feel hopeless... I wish you the BEST of luck, my heart is with you (knowing someone can do what I just can't find myself to do anymore, pathetic, huh??)...Good luck!!

mine will be 15 in Aug...

well right now my girls are both under 8, so it would be hard to imagine what I would do when they get to the age where that could be possible. I would think that not only would I be hurt that I had to find out that way, I would feel like a failure as a mom for many reasons- A. she should be able to come to me with anything, especially with that. If she feels like she cant then I have failed. B. I should have informed her better of the consequences of unprotected sex (or even protected). C. I would feel so sad that her life (if still a teenager) would drastically and irrevocably change. Now, if she was an adult I would still be hurt but extremely happy...and even if she was a teen happiness would eventually come after the shock because that would still be my grandbaby wow I put way too much thought into this, hypothetically I would just get her checked out

Oh my god, your story had me almost crying. Seriously.

I can't believe your own daughter would do that to you, nor that the stepmother would claim she is the real mother.

I disagree with my mother sometimes but this is ridiculous.

I can't really think of anything you can do that wouldn't make you seem crazy, (waiting outside their house 24-7, telling the police they have stolen your daughter...)

You need help, maybe you need to take it to court, you daughter can't resent you forever, and if she understands how much this is hurting you, i think she would spend more time with you.

Well, you have full custody over her, don't you? And your ex and his wife took her from you? So he pretty much brainwashed her into hating you, staying away from you and hardly spending time with you. You could go to the police, tell them that they have stolen her from you and won't give her back. It doesn't matter if she'll resent you. She's your daughter. You're her mother. She is supposed to love you no matter what. The police will probably help you since you have full custody of her.

this is really a tough one, I believe they have influenced your daughter to the point where it's almost impossible unless you go back to court... I would let it be for now... I know it hurts LOTS... she will eventually realize she has made a mistake and I hope it's not too late then... then there are people like mike.... really sad...

Maybe if you were paying attention instead of being a top contribute here writing overly long essays your ex would not have seen any reason to take the child. Why should you worry you can still be here, it beats going to court and hiring people to take any writ the court may give you to go and get her.