How can I get my daughter back?

Question

My daughter is know 14 almost 15. I had her since she was born and then for 8 more years. My husband, her father, cheated on me since she was born and I kicked him out in 2000. I have had to work always fulltime to support my kids, I had a son too, now 28. My ex lived with his girlfriend and then the divorce was final in 2002. 2 days after the divorce was finaliced, they got married and actually took my daughter to the wedding without me knowing, out of state. It was her weekend with him. Since I was then single, I had to continue working fulltime. She was in private school previous to the divorce but he did not want to pay for it anymore, so I had to get her into public school. IAfter school she had to stay in a program as so many other children did and I picked her up after I left work. Her father sometimes even did pick her up for the assigned weekends. But as soon as he was re-married, he picked her up from school one day in a week and then every other weekend. And that was ok because it wa court order. But as soon as I started dating again, he started compalins...that I don't treat my daughter right...that I am unfit...and so on. He once filed a restraining order so I could not get my daughter back from the visit with her father. It was overturned by the court because he lied. However, he had more money and a big house and his wife did not have to work and they influenced my daughter to live with them because she would get everything she wants. I tried to fight it but I did not have the money for a good attorney. My daughter wanted to live with them and there was nothing I could do about it. If I would have fought it with attorneys, she would have resented me for life. So I sacrifieced and accepted. That was 6 years ago. Since then they always tried to sabotage the weekends that are supposed to be with me. They say that I have to accept that my daughter wants to be with her firends or playing soccer or going to this event or that event. This is going on and on and on. The time I have a chance to spend with my daughter is only half a day, one night and half the other day. She is now 14 going on 15 and has her weekends planned with her friends. To some point I let her cancel my weekends because I don't want her to resent me. But lately she always had something else. 7 weeks ago I asked her, on my weekend with her, if she goes with me to a party of my son's friends. It was a graduation party of his girlfriend. First she said yes and then she said she has something to do with her friends for school on that Saturday. I asked her if she can compromise and I pick her up at 2:00 pm instead of 10:00am. she said yes. The next day shortly before I wanted to pick her up, her stepmpther called me and said that my daughter has psychologiacal problems because of me and I should not force her to be with me if she has planned something with her friends. I sid that I am her mother and I have the right to be with my daughter. She said that "No, I am her mother and you are only her birthmother". Leave her qalone. I called my ex and he blew into the same horn. That night I received a message from my daughter that she only wants to see me sometimes. And since I haven't heard from her agin. She does not answer my tests, noe my calls, her father doesn't answer the phone, her Stepmopther either. I went to their house, (2 hours away), and no one opens the doors. I contacted my ex-inlawas, they don't answer either. The phones are working, they just ignore me. If I involve court or a lawyer, I can't afford, she may resent me more. But I have still no idea why my own dayghter won't respond and call or at least text me or conatct me. It is seven (7) weeks now and no word. Anyone now what I should do. I do not have any money for lawyers.

Update:

I've tried to call her many times, left her messages or text messages since 7 weeks, just telling her that I love her and to just give me a call so I can talk to her.....no response.

Update 2:

I have no parents, only my son and he tries to get to my daughter without any success.

TruthSeeker · Accepted Answer

I was going to say she's probably just being a teenager, but then I read the comments made by your ex's wife, and the actions of your ex in-laws.  This sounds like it may be a case of parental alienation.  It's very sad that it happens more often than people care to believe.  

What you can do: Educate yourself about parental alienation. There's a great book I'm reading right now called "Divorce Poison" all about how to deal with it, combat it, and hopefully overcome it.  The only other thing you can do is file a parental alienation lawsuit, but I wouldn't recommend that until you educate yourself about it, look into it, and know for sure that's what's going on.  Good luck to you.

irishmom91562 · Answer

The Legal Aid Society is the place to go for help with legal counsel. You need an attorney and it sounds like your daughter needs a guardian ad litem to advocate for her best interests. Don't worry about what she will or won't resent now. Most kids at that age resent just about everything a parent says or does, since they "have all the answers."

As a mother, you should want your daughter to be evaluated by a child psychologist trained in dealing with adolescents from broken homes. If the stepmother went out on a limb to accuse you of being the reason for the "psychological problems" your daughter supposedly has, as her mother you have a right to know if she does have psychological issues, what the causes are if she does, and what can be done to help.

Leave it to a trained therapist to get it through to her that she should be with her mother, if that is in fact, in her best interests. Good luck, and get going!!

LittleBarb · Answer

Your daughter has been brainwashed... I have two ADULT nieces who's mother did the same thing....all of a sudden they hate my brother (their father) even though he has supported them and ALWAYS made sure they had most of what they wanted and EVERYTHING they needed,  he's been a loving parent while his EX met a man ONLINE while still married to my brother, asked my brother for a divorce, left the two girls with HIM while she took off to England to marry her ONLINE love....  I haven't been ALLOWED to say more then a few sentences to the girls in the past 10 YEARS and they treat my brother like crap... even though HE is making it so their college payments are made (what they didn't get in scholarships and grants and student loans) and he gives them money every single week.. while their mother rides in on her broom a couple times a year and leaves them with absolutely NOTHING...(like she did just 2 weeks ago)...  My brother, like you has been affraid to do anything about the situation for these past 10 years so of course his girls still treat him like crap...(won't do much with him unless HE GIVES THEM MONEY, etc).... you may be facing a losing battle UNLESS you stand up for your rights... and you DEFINITELY HAVE RIGHTS here... however,  teenagers tend to be extremely selfish and if they've already poisoned her against you, you probably WILL alienate her more if you TRY to get your rightful visitations back...you either have to get yourself a good lawyer OR, realize that she is too far gone to ever be reseptive to staying with you again..  MAYBE when she gets older that will change, but I see my two nieces getting worse and worse- - - every time their mother flies in, they are horrible to my brother for a few weeks until they realize where their bread is being buttered.

The Captian · Answer

You can still get a lawyer. Even though they are not very good you can go through legal aid. I do not advise that though. If you really want your daughter back then you should hire a real lawyer. Believe it or not, you will find a way to pay him/her. Just talk to the lawyer and let them know the situation and most of them will work with you. Most lawyers are rich anyway and they do understand that most everyday people are not. There is one thing he (your ex) is doing and it is called contempt of court. I am in almost the same situation that you are in right now and my lawyer told me that after so many contempt charges the judge may exchange custody. Although, not to hurt your feelings, she is 14 and in most states (maybe all states) the child can choose where they live as long as they are in school, have a house to live in and food to eat. I am sorry to say that but it is the truth. 

Your exes wife has no right saying what she said. I swear that makes even me mad. You just have to trust God because He said vengeance is His. Pray for her that she gets everything she deserves. Not in a mean way though, in a forgiving way. You have to forgive her in your heart. Also, God has put your daughter right where she needs to be right now for her to learn something or to experience something that she needs to in order to carry out God's will. Same as my children, even though they are in the most horrible situation that they can possibly be in in my opinion. God has a reason for them to be there.

I know exactly what you are going through. I really care as well, but all I can tell you to do is get the ball rolling. Talk to a lawyer and be as honest as possible with said lawyer. Keep God close to your heart and believe in Him that His will be done. God Bless you and your children and may His will be done. I will also be praying for you.

Anonymous · Answer

unfortunately this is less a custody issue than a normal teenage one. even if she was living with you, your daughter would be spending all her time with friends and trying to get out of "family time" by any means possible. have a talk with her, tell her how much you miss her and that you would appreciate if she could make the time, just one day a fortnight where you can do something together. hopefully she will cooperate, but having been a teenager once, I would say just wait out a few more years, she will come around once she gets past the terrible teens and start to appreciate you more.

DANCERGYMNAST · Answer

Tell your mom or dad or ANYONE on your side of your  family what is happening and see if they can help and see what thier view is. Tell your daugter that you love her. If this gets worse get help. Get your friends's views and what they think. Save money for a lawyer because it could get really worse. And this is illegal what they are doing , keeping your daugter away from you. If it gets worse your only choice will be to go to court.

? · Answer

I suggest court and lawyers. Please check out my fb page letters to Leah paige. It's a place for struggling single parents

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How can I get my daughter back?

7 Answers