Caught my kids smoking pot?

ehh. let them do as they please.

well the older boys, not the girls.

if they wanna smoke pot and snort some nose candy, let them.

First, let me start off by saying i am 17 as well, and i believe you are a great mother. Coming home and seeing that, would also make me go crazy. I would highly punish them. No physical abuse or anything, but with you grounding them, i know you did the right thing. I can relate to your older son, i've never smoked pot or done drugs or drink or anything, but when he said that hates you and that you ruined his life, and that it's your fault his dad died, that's not true. He doesen't mean it. He is just really sad that he died and, i guess everything is going down the shitter for him. Like most people, they smoke pot, drink, and do drugs to escape reality, because they think drugs and alcohol will do that, but it only makes matters worse. As for your daughters, I'd keep a close eye on them if they are sexually active. Forcing to break your daughter up with her boyfriend may of not been the right thing to do (It will make them very depressed and possibly suicidal) But your daughter might realise that the drugs and alcohol were bad. And did you mention something about cocaine too? Cocaine+Alcohol together could kill someone in an instant! Good thing you caught them in time. Your kids are extremely hurt by the death of their father, hell, i would be too if my father died too. Just give it time, have a family discussion, and think of other things to do with coping with their pain. Counseling may be the best thing. It's not for everyone though. Going to counseling since i was 10 pissed me off a bit knowing alot of physicist's in California are idiots. But for the most part, you did nothing wrong but be a great mother to them. Being a working mother with no other income source coming in can be hard, but even if you have 1 day off, spend it with your children to show them that you do care about them, and that you love them, and you want to participate in their lives.

Ok here goes.

I'm sixteen and my mother died about 4 months ago like their father 5 months ago. And following her death I started smoking cigarettes, I used drinking for a while to suppress the pain and I also used violence towards myself to help as well. As time went on though I did drop the drinking and the self destructive behavior and the smoking has gone down. I mean I was told all this would pass and it did. Maybe it's just taking a little while longer for them.

BTW: I have been really needing to talk to someone about some of my feelings and family and friends are sometimes not the people for it. So I would suggest counceling

I dont think the youngest kids were forced into anything for one. two, they are teenagers of course they are going to experiment and while they are telling you its because of the death (its not)! Peer pressure now a days is tough! They are more than likely lieing about doing it again, so keep an eye on em! And as how you punished them, that was good, i mean you did nothing wrong! (i would be a lil harder on my baby) ((THANK GOD SHE IS ONLY 3 RIGHT NOW))!! but i am going through the same thing with my 16 year old brother (who i support and take care of) I have found that while they are hard headed, they do listen especially when you think they arent, talk to them CALMLY, tell them how you feel, lay out the cosequences and stick to them!

GOOD LUCK

Two months is a bit much. You'll be sure to go half nuts with all of them underfoot for that long, as well.

Counseling is a great idea. These kids have been through a lot, and could probably use it.

(You, too...actually.)

Let your 17 yr old discuss dad when he feels ready.

I would be seriously p!ssed at him turning the younger ones on to pot!

Ten and 13 yr olds? Selfish of him to enlist them in this, just to make his behavior seem more normal to himself.

See if you can get some relatives to help you with these kids. Especially any older male relatives.

First of all, learn the difference between "brake" and "break." Second of all, pot is not harmful. They're going to experiment anyways, at least they were doing it in a safe environment. Third of all, counseling will probably help them with their father's death. And last of all, talk to the oldest son about if he forced the younger children to do drugs or not.

I think counseling is an amazing start. You need to be strict but yet be understanding. Firmly tell your children that you will not tolerate such behavior and if they continue to act in such manners and put harmful things into their bodies then they will not be under your roof. It sounds like your oldest son will be the one to defy you. When he does (or any of the other children) send them to a rehab center. This will teach them coping skills so they do not have to turn to drugs. This way you are not abandoning them but yet you are sticking to your word. I suggest individual therapy for each of you as well as family counseling. Perhaps think about having the counseling where the counselor comes into the home.

It may help for you to come up with a way to honor your late husband as well as let the kids share how they feel. Are you a spiritual or religious family? Try to incorporate any beliefs you may have. Next, try something like putting a photo of your husband on the mantle with a candle. In the even the family should light the candle and sit down and share thoughts and feelings. Let them know that if they are scared sad or lonely all they need to do is light that candle and 'speak' to their father. Teach them that although he is not physically with them he is a part of each of them. They now need to pull strength from that part of themselves but remind them that you are all going through this. Its ok to let them see u cry.

Your youngest son especially I would b very concerned about being exposed to these drugs. Create some special time for just him (do this with all of your children as much as u can). Teach him to talk and cope with things not just take the easy way out. Teach him why drugs are not the answer what they can do to someone's health and life.

As far as your daughters, I would speak to them about sex and what it is they are feeling. next, take them to the dr. Let them speak w/ a professional (they will be more likely to ask their questions and speak openly with the dr instead of u) Explain to them the dangers of sex but also teach them how to be prepared. Explain that by preparing them for sex you are not condoning their partaking of such an adult activity. You may even want to consider birth control. Do not push it on them. But at the same time if one or both ask for it try not to get too upset. Remember to guide and be a parent but at the same time try to stay open minded so that your children r not afraid to come to u. Also, be sure all the children understand how drinking drugs partying etc can impair your judgment. Perhaps suggest they take the class at school where they get the doll baby to care for for a wkend (then do not help them with the project)

I would also consider limiting their money. Make them working harder for what they earn. Even get jobs (do this even if you are well to do).

You are taking an amazing step by offering the couseling so quickly to your childrne. I commend u for seeing that they need help and getting it for them. U are a good mother. Do not let their angry words eat away at u. They are angry at the moment not at u but at everything. Help them work thru it this will make ur family stronger. I am not a particularly religious person, but my great grandmother always said "God never gives u more than u can handle" whenever anything seemed overwhelming or scary or whatever I always remembered that saying. It is true.

This is a difficult situation for you - sit with your kids and talk to them they are not small children they are all grown up so make them understand that this is most difficult for you first you have lost your husband if they have lost their father and secondly you have to handle all their responsibility alone, now the least they can do is support you and behave themselves.

Your eldest needs some hard talking and the girls need supervision. grounding them for two months will only frustrate them more, try and spend some quality time with them.

Ask friends and relatives to spend time with you and your kids so they don't feel so lonely and get to talk to someone. all the best :)

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I think counseling is a good move. The only thing you can do is love them, support them and let them know that you too are hurting.

I hope everything works out.

You should have gave it to him to smoke. think about it. u give him a safe environment to try it out. that way u know what he did and he got his experience, if he likes it explain why its bad for you, which its not, but if he doesnt then problem would have been solved. parents distance themselves from their kids more by putting heavy penalties on things they did themselves. making them total hypocrites and since he was probably just experimenting with it then you realy should not have even gotten upset. i hope my opinion counts, but when do parents listen to kids anyway.