Caught my kids smoking pot?

Kick them out!

First, let me start off by saying i am 17 as well, and i believe you are a great mother. Coming home and seeing that, would also make me go crazy. I would highly punish them. No physical abuse or anything, but with you grounding them, i know you did the right thing. I can relate to your older son, i've never smoked pot or done drugs or drink or anything, but when he said that hates you and that you ruined his life, and that it's your fault his dad died, that's not true. He doesen't mean it. He is just really sad that he died and, i guess everything is going down the shitter for him. Like most people, they smoke pot, drink, and do drugs to escape reality, because they think drugs and alcohol will do that, but it only makes matters worse. As for your daughters, I'd keep a close eye on them if they are sexually active. Forcing to break your daughter up with her boyfriend may of not been the right thing to do (It will make them very depressed and possibly suicidal) But your daughter might realise that the drugs and alcohol were bad. And did you mention something about cocaine too? Cocaine+Alcohol together could kill someone in an instant! Good thing you caught them in time. Your kids are extremely hurt by the death of their father, hell, i would be too if my father died too. Just give it time, have a family discussion, and think of other things to do with coping with their pain. Counseling may be the best thing. It's not for everyone though. Going to counseling since i was 10 pissed me off a bit knowing alot of physicist's in California are idiots. But for the most part, you did nothing wrong but be a great mother to them. Being a working mother with no other income source coming in can be hard, but even if you have 1 day off, spend it with your children to show them that you do care about them, and that you love them, and you want to participate in their lives.

When the kids might not be in the room like if they are eating dinner, excuse yourself from the table and go into your son's room, look around to find if there are anymore drugs, and every once in awhile go into the kitchen to check on the kids, maybe do that every 5 minutes or so. If you find more (You might want to do this anyways), call the school's councilor, (s)he will tell you what to do and (s)he will talk to your son. Keep their phones away for as long as you think you should, but let them to the house phone, but supervise them while they are on the phone. And let your daughter be with her boyfriend really, he can help her maybe, too. Let your kid's and you all see a family councilor about their dad.

You should give them an advice and told them to quit smoking and tell them it is not good for your body. Also, you can buy them a gum and let them chew it and they might forgot to smoke the tobacco like 555 brand name of smoking box, or another name of the drug smoking pot.

However, they're your children and you can give them an advice tell them quit smoking and it gonna hurt you a lot like you will have a bad breath, cancer, pneumonia, and you can talk to them how to quit like the easy step is make them chewing a gum, walk the dog, go to the mall, and do fitness and I hope they will forgot about the smoke.

I believe you can buy a video game for them to play and buy a DVD movies let them watch and eat popcorn, taco, and ice cream and make them do the hard work like clean up the garage, basement, house, and wash the dishes, and I think that the better way to help them to get away from the bad smoking habit. If I have any mispelling, mistake, or anything and please forgive me and I do apology for everything and I just want to help you and your family in peace.

You can visit these website and it help you and your family a lot. Remember, after you visit these website and let your children take a look at it too and it can help them find out and learn more about the good informaiton and give them an advice too.

Take care and good luck!

I think the counseling was a great idea. I mean who knows why kids smoke pot. I know that I tried it and I never really liked it. I don't think that the smoking pot is a direct reflection of their father passing. (Sorry about your loss) I mean there are kids everywhere doing it. I think the counseling will help but as far as your son still doing the pot, he probably will continue to it no matter what you say to him. Just let him know that it's illegal and that there's nothing to gain from this. It also can be harmful and will allow you to make some stupid decisions.

I believe you took the right actions in setting them up with counseling and enforcing a form of punishment because their actions were in fact unacceptable. You are in no way shape or form not equipped for your role as a mother! You have successfully raised 5 beautiful children yet due to unfortunate events you have lost your direct support system as a parent. NEVER doubt yourself!?! Loosing a parent is hard on EVERYONE in the family and its important that you all talk about it because no matter what you may believe EVERYONE is feeling the loss on the inside. My blessing go out to you and your family as you all make it through this period in your lives.

Smoking pot isn't a big deal to teenagers anymore, even though it should be. I'd be more concerned about the 'white stuff' though, that sounds dangerous.

And were your daughters making out with eachother? That part wasn't really clear. But, these days, it's normal for girls to experiment with their sexual prefrences. Although, I would talk to them about kissing eachother, because that's usually not accepted.

I guess my only advice would be to talk to them. A lot. About drugs, and sex, and your experiences growing up. So that this doesn't happen again. But don't scream, and yell, and curse. Talk to them calmly, explain yourself, and hopefully they'll understand.

Good luck!

Well from what I see here is that you need to take things slow and if you guys are christians try to help your kids bring themselves closer to God because Jahovah has all the answers.

Buy all of them a bible and sit down with them in a peace and quite surrounding and speak the word of God and he will help your situation you and your kids must be willing to understand him and let him heal your souls.

Believe in him and his son jesus christ and that you understand that he died on the cross for all man sins if you guys are not christian I have no alternative you just might want to understand your kids believe me sending them to a sociologist is only going to make them think they are insane when really they aren't they are just going through hard times.

I lost my father 6 months ago It was hard for me but god healed my soul and even though we never spent that much time together I still loved him and it still hurt to see him layed in the casket either going to heaven or hell with all that said he was my father now take all the advice I have given you and use it to your advantage.

God bless you and your children I prayed for you all.

Stand firm on what you will and won't allow...and the counseling is a good idea for all. I'm sorry for their (and your) loss but drugs, booze, sex, etc won't change anything in a positive way and won't remove the hurt of their loss...they need to understand that working through their grief is the path to follow, not trying to mask it with chemicals or hide from it with unhealthy distractions.

You have my wishes that all turns out well and that your children end up on positive paths. Continue to guide them in the best way that you can, and dole out punishment as needed. They have to understand there are consequences for their actions...and anyway, having drugs in the house could get YOU in trouble. Your son wasn't using his head.

This would be heartbreaking for anyone to come home to. Raising 5 kids alone really makes me respect you that much more. (I thought two was tough).

We can't always control what our children do, but we can guide them the right way.

It sounds like they really are missing their father, however, I remember trying to use emotions to get out of MANY situations when I was little. I'm not saying your daughters are lying to you (because I am quite usre they do miss their father) but I knew that if I played m cards right I could get out of punishments easily.

In today's society I have observed many things. Mothers in a grocery store, for example, will say "You have until the count of 3 until I....." and they count to 3 and don't do anything. They DON'T follow through with the punishment so the children don't learn that there will be consequences.

I believe your removing of cell phones and grounding for 2 months was a good ammount. However, once you set a punishment you CANNOT revoke it or they will not learn that you are serious.

Yes, they will get angry, yes, they may try many things to get themselves free. I tried it many times with my parents. When I could actually get myself out of something I felt so sly and sneaky, however, now that I have the ability to look back and reflect upon the times I couldn't get myself free I learned the most.

I was once grounded for a month. Forced to stay in the house without electronics. At first I hated it and I let my parents know. They tolerated me and finally I broke down and accepted it realizing that I really had done something wrong. I guess I gained a respect for them. BEcause I didn't have my computer (I didn't have a cell phone back then) I was forced to do other thins to occupy my time. Sometimes it was homework, other times it was just writing. (That's actually what got me so interested in writing I now have 2 books published).

I'm not saying that they will become published authors or star children, but punishments are there to help chilren realize and learn what they should or should not do.

You are obviously a hard working mother and you can't be there all the time to stop them when they are doing something wrong. I might suggest getting your two oldest into jobs. When I turned 16 I started working at a greocery store. Not only was I making money, but I learned responsibility.

They won't take over your parental education, but they can be there to keep you child in line. And if they are working they ahve less time to get in trouble.

Who knows, if they are cooped up in the house for a month they may become closer as siblings.

If you are still concerned about the punishment, would sit them down and ask them what THEY think a fair punishment would be for what they did. you might want to do it in groups. If the younger children were really 'forced' into it then they might need a lesser punishment than the older children.

At first they may say a sentence of much less than you'd expect. They may just say 'only a week, mom.' But if you work out a punishment together, they may feel more obliged to follow through with it than to try and skip out.

For example, you say two months, but if you bring them in, tell them what they did wrong and how you see it, and then patiently listen to what they have to say then you can decide on a punishment. If the punishment ends up being less than 2 months then they will feel that they at least got out of it while still serving a sentence that they agree to. They will probably have more understanding of their wrongdoings instead of loking at you wih resentment.

I am in no way trying to tell you how to raise kids. I am just offering suggestions. I hope this helps you. I'd be happy to talk it out if you'd want from one mother to another.

please feel free to email me. theplushiemaker@yahoo.com

honestly.. im 19 years old and i dont know one person that hasnt smoked or smoke... its apart of todays society.. kids are curious to try and seeing other people doing it doesnt help, or hearing about it in music etc.. its always gonna be around

really think its just one of those things that you just gotta talk to your kids and hope they realize thats not something they want to get involved with... i mean counsiling is good to a point but when your out with your friends, at a party wherever n its right there n everyones doing it.. your put in a different position... really think the only thing u can do is talk to them and hope u raised them well enough where they can make good decisions for themselves..