I don't like my father, does that make him?

Anybody, be he a knight in shining armor or the worst scoundrel can donate sperm, and be your genetic father. You'll pick up certain traits from him, some good and some bad. However, to be a dad is something special altogether. It takes time and effort to be somebody who can earn the title of 'Dad'. Be glad for what you have and stop worrying about it. Your dad will always be your dad and your father will always be your father. They are both a part of what you are.

I believe that each person has their definition of how their relationships are formed and developed, and it is up to each person what role genetics will ultimately play.

My best friend, raised by her biological parents, has "disowned" her mother. She has explained to me that after suffering through horrific (and I mean HORRIFIC) abuse at her hands, she really doesn't feel that a bond could exist unless she had some serious Stockholm Syndrome happening. However, the woman she calls, "Mom", is a mother of another friend of hers. She told me once that she feels a greater connection to this woman than she ever did her biological mother. Her words were, "I'd give my Mom my lung before I'd ever give L*** a stick of gum."

I don't feel a deep connection to my first mother. I like her very much, I respect her, and I could even enjoy her company on occasion, but I don't believe that there is a deep connection with her that supercedes my emotions, my brain or my life story.

I have a deep connection with my husband...he is my very best friend, and we are obviously not related.

I think biology is what a person makes of it. I know this goes against Adoptee required reading, but this is based on my feelings and experience in my own life, rather than something I read somewhere. I am not speaking to the experience of any other adoptees.

On a slightly similar note, I have heard much about the importance of "genetic mirroring", and yet, I know MANY, MANY people who look nothing like their biological families, and have entirely different personalities. I can honestly say, had myself, my first mother and my biological brother remained together, I would have been a black sheep. Ironically, I ended up with a family that was able to nurture a strong part of my personality that may have languished if my adoption had never occured.

You're talking biology and biologically, no he will always be related to you. As a parental figure, yes you can denounce him.

The reverse situation would be a father who denounces a child, they can refuse to parent the child, but DNA will make them legally responsible in the form of child support.

I disowned my dad who was abusive, 8 months ago. I know this is harsh but I see my dad sort of like a sperm donor because that is all he ever did that was even remotely father like. The rest is just getting yelled at, humiliated, and hit. He is my father whether I like it or not but I can still kick him out of my life.

Thank goodness I don't look anything like him... but I don't look like my mom either.

It could make him less of a father in my eyes. I believe a successful parent raises a successful child... and love goes both ways. If there is a disconnect in one, there could be a problem with the parents... yes.

As my adad told me, "Your friends you can choose; your family you're stuck with."

You need to talk to your mom about this. I would also recommend some counseling for you. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. It's always good to talk to a professional that can help you.