Jokes, Jokes and Jokes?

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to

get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to

kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the

cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily,

he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

once in a mens locker room of a golf course a mobile rang, every body stopped to listen. the man picked up the and on line was a lady "Darling i saw a very beautiful drees Its only for Rs 50,000 can i buy it?"

Man: sure darling

Lady: and i saw a very elegant gold set for a lakh...

Man: buy it sweetheart

Lady: and a decorative painting for our room how about that only

75,000?

Man: of course

Lady: thankyou, i love you!

Everyone in locker started staring at the man, after sometime the man

Shouted "Does anyone knows the owner of this phone?"

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.

Son : But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap!

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if I don't use an anesthetic, I can knock it

down to $60.00, but it would be very painful"

"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "I can save time if instead of using my normal

surgical procedure, I simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers. I

could get away with charging $20.00"

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I charge you just $10.00"

"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists

found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the

conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one

thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists

dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:

‘US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and

have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech

digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'

One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:

'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Chinese scientists have found

absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their

ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.

The Biggest Mystery of Maths

1000s of years passed,

Millions of theorems derived,

Thousands of formulas made,

But still.....

X is unknown!!

but

XXX is well known!

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, 'Children are a gift from God,' he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear raincoats.'

And the congregation said, 'Amen'

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little Boy says: "Dark in here."

The Man says: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "£250-00."

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have soccer boots."

The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"

The Boy says:"£750-00."

The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the Father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots, let's go outside a