Extramarital affair, do you think? Or just friends?

The relationship would be inappropriate for a married person. Yes, I think we would all like to be able to have that kind of relationship, but just because it's not physical doesn't mean it's not very important to the people involved. We could be married to someone who is great in bed but who we can't relate to, who doesn't see the world the way we see it, and feel a very big void in our life because of it. Since everyone ages, and looks fade, sex can end up not being the big thing it is when we're younger, so what ends up being revealed as being very important in a relationship IS the emotional aspect. In other words, good sex won't keep you together if there's nothing else, but I think if you have a soul mate, you're more likely to stay with that person. That's why when Governor Sanford said that out loud that his mistress is his soul mate, and he had to 'TRY' to fall back in love with his wife, everyone thought he was an icky idiot; it was perceived as a cruel thing to say, even if it is true for him and his mistress. It's as if the world is only supposed to be 100% behind people finding their soul mate, at all costs, but if they're married to someone that they "just love" but isn't their soul mate, well, then, too bad for that person they're married to. BS!! We ALL want to be with our soul mate. But I think if you're married and have kids, then it's just too bad if you find a soul mate in someone else once you're married- a commitment is a commitment, and once kids are involved, it's not about you anymore. And I think, for example, Sanford, while his Argentinian mistress might be his soul mate, I think it's fair to say that, for his wife, HE has never been his wife's soul mate either. Also, if I found my soul mate, I can't imagine NOT wanting to also get physical with this person!! So, a person is only fooling themself, if they're married, if they become friends with someone they feel is their soul mate and keep the friendship engaged...it's only a matter of time before someone wants to hop in bed. I also think this happens a lot, and once the parties involved go to bed, suddenly they may not seem like soul mates, in other words, the fantasy of the other person, etc... fuels this idea that they are their soul mate. Not always but obviousy a lot. Hell, I bet Sanford thought his wife was his soul mate when he married her, but years of marriage, kids, and the dreamy whatever has faded away. Happens ALL the time.

Everyone needs friends, including married people, and some of these will be opposite sex friends with whom you have an emotional connection. Much of the interaction that takes place will be private, out of respect for the confidences shared between friends. That is not an affair, that is a friendship. It should never be secretive though - the spouse should be aware of the friendship if it's all innocent; secretive people generally have something to hide.

There is absolutely no justification, though, for making such a relationship "exclusive"! That would be very weird, and suggests some kind of territorial possessiveness that is way out of line in a friendship.

I would consider it inappropriate if the spouse did not know or had never even met this person. That's too secretive & it reaks of foul play & bad intentions. I have no problem with friends of the opposite sex. My best friend is a guy who I've known since I was 15 & my husband is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. But we've all met each other. We don't all hang out together or anything. He talks to his ex whenever he wants & that's fine with me & I talk to my best friend when I need advice & that's fine with my husband. But we never bad mouth each other to outside people as a rule or give too many intimate details.

I don't understand why it would have to be "private" and "exclusive" and I especially don't understand why the person would have to be of the opposite sex. Why? Anything secretive in a marriage does nothing but harm.

yes, sometimes you need another person's view than your partners especially if you have been together for a long time. Some people just do not understand they think your a cheating liar, home wrecker slut etc.... When that is not he case at all. But my advise to you is that if you want to keep this friend keep it to yourself, because some people especially friends of the spouse would be the first to tell, Like I was told by a so call friend When my wife....... so what, your a jackass and controller anyway... she divorced him and now he lives off of other stupid women.....look I am just saying that just be careful is all, I would rather have one friend I could truly count on, even it if I had to keep it my secret for years, than I would a bunch of friends that would be the first ones to stab you in the back to make them feel better in their relationships, and besides I would rather have a man as my best friend, they wont try to sleep with your husband like mine did.

A married person can have that same person you mentioned within

the marriage itself, as that is what makes the marriage whole and

complete. I being a husband over 22yrs have always been able to

turn to my wife when I am stressed, or need to talk to some one

or anything that would make me feel happy and whole, and I am

that way for her, so we do not have to turn very far to look for that

comfort and it going on over 22yrs, we know exactly who we can

turn to as that person is always right next to the other.

I call that relationship a marriage. Your husband should be the one you turn to. Youre talking about having an emotional affair. Think of it this way, if you wouldn't do something in front of your husband you probably shouldn't be doing it.

i think its inappropriate for a married person to have that kind of friendship with an outsider... sorry but you would be setting yourself up for a physical relationship in the future... every good relationship starts with friendship and thats how you come to love a person

i can see the appeal.

but yes i do think that is a bad idea. it's hard for me to see it not being hurtful. i think that it is important to retreat first to your spouse, not another person of the opposite sex.

honestly i think that is why my hubby is keeping in touch with his ex, bc their "besties"

i have no idea what they talk about, what kind of things she tells him

is this a secret from you wife?

maybe that makes a differance.

actually this is something that should be discussed between the husband and wife

from experience, i say that it leads to jealousy mistrust and resentment

It would be inappropriate the only person who should be your private support network should be your partner, it would cause issues in a marriage and leave the partner feeling isolated.

To me that level of closeness should only be with a partner, that's part of what makes them special in your life.

Unfortunately, a relationship of that type will not be acceptable unless the person is related to you. When in a marriage, outside relationships of that level always cause problems.