Experiences of still birth or termination after 23 weeks? Please don't judge us!?

Hi hon. I have been following your story and feel for you a lot. As you may remember I had a termination at 24 weeks and 3 days and it was a very peaceful experience. I was induced, they gave me two pills to swallow on the Tuesday and then you have to have some more internally two days after. The hospital was great and I had my own private room with a double bed instead of a hospital bed. It was all very relaxed with soft lighting and really lovely midwives. The pills induce labour and you will feel proper labour pains. I opted for pethidine as it transfers to the baby and makes them drowsy and pass away peacefully. After a 4 hour labour he was born and we fell in love with him as soon as we saw him. He was only 10 ounces but 27cm long. At your gestation, your daughter will look like a perfect miniature.

The hospital let us have as much time as we wanted with him and visiting times and visitor numbers were not restricted for us. He was born at 00.36 and we didn't leave the hospital until 4pm so we were there with him for 16 hours. All the nurses came over to have a hold and each one rocked him as if he were alive. I had hand and footprints done twice as the first ones didn't look good. We also took over 100 photos of him and I treasure them now. I also have his blanket and little hat.

9 months on I can now look back on that day and smile as that was the day I got to meet my first child and he was beautiful. I still have ups and downs and depression but that is due to the fact that I haven't only lost my first baby, I have lost the life I had planned for him.

Physically it is better for you to give birth rather than have a c section. I bled for 10 days and then my periods went back to normal. The other thing they might not tell you is you may produce milk as I did. I spent 3 days in a tight fitting sports bra and couldn't even touch them. There are drugs they can give you but they have very bad side effects.

I am hoping you get the answers you need and have everything crossed that you get some good news from the specialists.

xxx

An "abortion" at 23 weeks is considered illegal in most places. I put abortion in quotations, because I'm pretty sure you would have to deliver the baby, and it would then be disposed of. It's disgusting that some one would even consider this, and it'll be hard to find some one with personal experience.

Stillbirth Experiences

While I have no experiance with either situation stillbirth or late termination I wanted to let you know of a website called nowilaymedowntosleep.com they do free infant photography for lil ones who pass at the hospital or are born still. If you should go the route that kitty did I would suggest you look into it. While you may not think of it now this is your child your very beautiful baby and one day the pictures they take will bring you comfort and peace.

I am truely sorry you have to go through this your family is in our prayers and whatever you decision make sure it is the right one for you and no one else.

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I have never been through this and just wanted to say that I am really distressed that I don't have words to help you. I will be thinking about you and praying that you have the strength to do what you have to.

Don't listen to anybody who judges you.

Sending you a big hug

I haven't personally been through anything like this, but i would feel exactly the same as you :-(

My friend had a still born, she didn't know that her baby had died.

Obviously it has changed her life forever.. I think you should do what you and your husband feel better about doing, no-body (meaning family and friends) will judge you if you chose an abortion.

I think your both extremely brave, and wish you both the best of luck with everything.. take care xx

I remember you from your last question and it does seem as things are worsening for you and your partner. I cannot express how sorry I am. We all want want is best for our kids. Only you can decide what you would like to do. Like I said before, if she makes it through the birth and surgery, this will require alot of time and patience with her. I cannot tell you what i would do in that situation, because I have never been in that situation. I've been through some pretty bad pregnancies but nothing that is equivalent to yours. I wish you all the best! Dont think just because you and your partner had some "bad luck" that you two shouldnt be together. God works in very werid ways sometimes and I believe everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for each of us. I was pregnant at a young age with my first child and had a miscarriage at 16 weeks and that personally was very hard for me, but time helped and now I have a 20month old and another baby to be born next thurs via csection and I tell my son now about the little sister he had.

You poor poor thing(s). I (very fortunately) have no personal experience of this, but I am a mum (as are you, and always will be), so my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you have thought very carefully about your options and what is best for your baby. I know that this will be a very difficult time for you and your partner, try to support each other (although make sure you have someone else to call on as well, as men are notriously bad at this kind of thing).

You will probably suffer mentally for some time after this, whatever your decision, so be prepared.

My thoughts are with you, all the very best, and I think you are very brave, it is not a decision that any parent should have to make.

*HUGS*

Soph xx

I hope everything turns out for the best don't let people make you feel guilty if you do decide a termination is right I think it's probably for the best if she can't be operated on. Good luck x