What do you think of my lyrics?

Question

Hey, guys. I posted this a couple of times, but I want more feedback. It's called BLACK RAIN. It's a dark, moody song, and I'm already playing guitar with it! Any advice, tips, critique, criticism. is kindly appreciated. 


Verse 1:
There is nothing but rain pouring down.
If I go out I'll only drown.
The sky is ebony black, 
if I leave now I'll never come back.
As the thunder kicks in, 
it only weakens,
doesn't get stronger.

Chorus:
It always comes back as depression.
The only confession, 
that keeps coming back to you.
Death will approach you.
But that won't be for a long long time.
I promise you, 
I guarantee you,
you'll be fine.

Verse 2: 
As the water from the sky turns to black rain
It's a far cry for us to blame.
I see tears
Running down your face. 
So let's get outta here.
go to a brand new place.

Chorus (2x)

I've got my bags packed.
I've got my six string on my back.
Never knew the difference
Between a lover and a fighter.
But I know the truth
I know the lyer. 

It's only black rain
Please don't cry 
Don't go insane.
Love the black rain
There's no one for us to blame.


That's it!! I write songs because I love music, but it's really cool to help people. If you wanna interpret it personally for yourself, that would be awesome!!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

BRUUUTAL &#92;m/

haha just kidding, I like these lyrics, what genre of music is it for? It's not a big deal, but I find rhyming to be kinda corny sounding, but that's up to you. What were you thinking about when you wrote this (Unless it's the obvious haha).
No real advice, tips, critique, criticism for you, I can't do that because that takes away the beauty of your originality and whatever. You may want to read over it a week later and see if you still like it, but that's all.

The person who asked where you got the lyrics is a retard hahaha.

Good job!

Katie · Answer

Hmmm.... reminds me of something my friend wrote once...

This darkest black fills my empty soul
My emptiest of empty souls white is just a big black hole
My soul holds the darkness in itself like a broken bowl
I'm the darkest most tortured soul in the whole wide world

I hate the entire world and I hate my life
Why did my life have to be to be filled with so much strife
I wish I could fly away freely like a free flying kite
But I can't so I'll just end my strife filled life with a white knife
Because I can't live anyway I would like

Today I was so hurt because my dog died
Why did my dog have to die
God is just a lie
Why god why
Why did Roscoe have to die?
Why?
I thought God would be there for me
Whenever I had to cry?

I wish I was never born and I hate my parents
Becuase I live in my basement out of their way and they make me pay rent
Why would they make me pay rent I just like in their basement
If they had their way they'd make me like outside in a tent

I wish someone loved me for just being me
Because my world is so dark cold and lonely
Just like my basement, you see?
My life is like a whole bunch a parallels
And I feel as if I'm living in hell

U could never understand
How it feels to be cold
I'm the darkest most tortured soul
In the hole wide world

I wrote this poem from my heart
from my life a distraction
Because I want to kill myself I can't stand all this action
A poem that basically broke all of the ******* rules
But to be honest
This one was only penned in light of April Fools'


HAHAHA yeah an april fools joke by my Christopher Lawrence Smith

Jesus on the Dashboard · Answer

It's okay, on a purely lyrical basis. I'd need to listen to it sung and with music to really judge how well it works, though.

I am the zebra · Answer

Really good! A little depressing for my taste, but, I guess that's kinda the point.

Truth or dare? · Answer

Wow! It's so nice!
From where did you get this?

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What do you think of my lyrics?

5 Answers