Parents in R&S: A question for you?

Absolutely

Children's brains are still developing, clear past their teen years. The fact that you "lied" and disregarded your parents wishes is plenty of proof that you were not old enough or mature enough to make your own decisions.

God gave parents to the youth to train them up in the way they should go. Their job is to protect you, guide you, love you, and provide for your needs, as well as to teach and train you.

I do not feel that parents are taking a large enough roll in their kids life. This is one of the reasons that many of the youth today look like something straight out of hell itself. They are being left to their own decisions without having the mental capacity to make those kinds of decisions wisely.

Parents need to start taking responsibility for their kids, and their kids actions.

Parents can only do so much. In actuality, if I did use the cell phone to track them it is either because I am worried about their safety (I don't trust others well) or it's because my children have already shown me that I can't trust them (but they wouldn't be off on their own in that scenario). It probably wouldn't matter much. Each generation finds new ways around the usual rules. My kids will figure out some way to do what they want behind my back...it's a part of life. But I wouldn't stop "invading their privacy", just because of the inevitable. That would make me a worse parent.

Fireball - these days kids can't go out without a cellphone. When I was young my mom gave me "mad money". Enough for a cab and a quarter to call home from a payphone if I got stuck. That isn't an option anymore...where the hell can you find a payphone? We have NONE in our county let alone in the city. I am sure that you don't understand that since your children are grown, things have changed drastically in that time.

When I was a teenager, I was free to do what I wanted. I already lived in a capital city (Cardiff, Wales), so I didn't feel the need to get to another one, although I did sometimes, even places like London.

I've been to various types of bar and club, including gay ones because some of my friends were gay or lesbian (although I'm not gay myself).

My son is 20 and I'm happy he has a mobile phone (we don't call them cellular phones in Britain); not to keep tabs on him, but so that he can contact us - or anyone else - if he ever needed help.

We now live in a village close to a small town, but there are cities within reasonable travelling distance, just over the border in England; I'd like to think I'd be OK with him going wherever he felt he wanted to go, although parents still worry a bit about their kids.

No Linz, I do not. I am a mother of six grown children. I had an open and loving relationship with all of them. I trusted them. I trusted them with my life. I really and truly think to destroy that trust would have been the ultimate disappointment not only for me but for them too.

I counted on them to be honest and I gave them no reason to lie to me.

They could tell me anything, anything at all and they knew I would not come down on them. Plus, I didn't lie to them or their father either.

Oh, there were times when they lied. But nothing ever came of it and they felt so bad when they did. Because nothing is worth having to lie about. Nothing is worth losing your integrity, self esteem over.

My youngest two are 18 and 20. Cell phones are an appendage of their person. I am glad they have them. They are great in an emergency, like locking the keys in the car, or worse, but I would never, ever even think to do something like that just to find out where they were or what they were doing. Trust has always been best and I don't think that will ever change. :D

I think sometimes children make bad choices. I think some of them ought to be made since that's one of the ways we learn how to do things the right way. I think some of them OUGHTN'T be made since that's one of the ways children get themselves into dangerous situations they can't possibly handle.

It's a parent's job to do their best to supervise their children and make the call whether or not to intervene or let the child potentially make a mistake. I think a parent should be as informed as possible since a central concern in parenting is to keep their children safe.

If a child accepts a cell phone that their parents pay for then they pretty much have to accept whatever rules and conditions come along with it. If the child has to call periodically while they're out, well, if they want to keep the cell phone, they'd better call. Same goes for Y!A... we accept their TOS, we concede to their rules and conditions, we are playing in THEIR sandbox. We follow the TOS or we get kicked in the butt. Now... I'm not saying rules shouldn't be bent and twisted (which they frequently are here in R&S), but... like I said... sometimes children have to be protected from their own potentially harmful decisions.

I wouldn't mind if my kid wanted to hang out with a GLBT crowd. If he's gay, bisexual or transgendered, I'd HOPE that he could find a group of people with whom he could relate. But sneaking to a bar when he's still a teenager, that's not something I'd be happy about. There must be more age appropriate GLBT hangouts.

Mine will only have pay-as-you go phones for emergencies paid for by me. If they want to pay for non-emergency minutes, I think that's great. Side issue though :)

I believe and know that it is my job to teach, instill and build a love for responsibility and doing what is right at a young age. My children will mess up when they are older, and they will get themselves in trouble. I am perfectly fine allowing that to happen to allow them to learn valuable life choices.

The only time I believe I would "invade their privacy" is when I had knowledge of a pattern of very unsafe or destructive behavior (self- or otherwise).

That being said, I believe a minor child does not really have a total right to privacy- they do when they are adults and responsible for their own health and safety.

THAT being said, I also believe that connection with your (my) children is much more important that what kind of spying you can do to catch them doing something wrong. Besides- as you said- it will only work once, and then they will turn off the GPS, leave it behind etc.

Building an open, honest connection is MUCH more important.

Be blessed.

Being a teenager is tough. As is being the parent of a teen. My kids are grown now, so all I can do is tell you what we did. I have little doubt that my kids sometimes lied to me, but actually not very often. The reason is that when they were seniors in high school, they were essentially on their own. The only real rule they had was to let us know if they weren't coming home or their plans had changed. We did not spy or question them. Our reasoning was that they would be leaving home in a few months and this was a time for them to spread their wings while the safety net was still in place. They didn't lie because they didn't need to. We expected them to use the judgement they had been taught and make their own choices. Some folks probably find our approach irresponsible. I'd be lying if I said they always did things I liked or approved of. But they did trust me. So when they got in trouble (and they did) they were able to come to me and try to figure out what to do.

peace

Disobedience and rebellion is a natural part of growing up. And at that time of your life, EVERY aspect of Parenting is a "gross intrusion into your personal life" It's not, as some Parents seem to think, a battle to be won. (Because as a Parent, you need to accept that's it's one you will, eventually lose)

I remember myself, lying about where I was going, and what I was up to, and thinking that I'd got away with it. (and when you're a kid, that's important!) Only realising, many years later, that in many cases, they knew exactly where I was, and pretty much what I was up to.

Which is a bit humbling.

Realising that even though you were doing what they had expressly forbidden, they were happy enough to see that you were artful enough to A/ Not get caught, and

B/ Avoid incurring the negative repercussions they were worried about in the first place.

Pretty much "Job done" if you're a Parent.

I wouldn't invade my child's privacy in this manner...

I have fostered a relationship of honesty and openness with my children, there is no need to keep tabs on where they are as we discuss their activities before hand making compromises so they feel freedom and I feel they are safe...

None of my children have ever felt the need to sneak out... When they want to engage in an activity we discuss it openly, I am able to express my concerns, they are able to express their point of view and we are able to come to a compromise together....

Children are like clay we mold them into the adults they will become, if we squeeze them too tightly they slip through our fingers....

Addition: Having an open relationship with my children and compromising has lead to me sitting through numerous concertsand other activities so I was there to assure their safety while they participated... Seeing a Beyonce concert or watching a monster truck pull would never be my first choice for a Saturday night activity but alas I have sat through both<My ears hurting> so my children could go and I could feel they were safe... I guess it's a bit weird to see someone in their mid 30's reading Shakespeare at a concert but my kids didn't mind....

AS a child my mom pretty much let me have my privacy

All she really wanted to know was who I was running with and where I was.

I did lots of things that I should not have done but I learned from them & in the end she knew all along what I was up to

As a Mom I found that I was pretty perceptive as well. I "knew" the things that I they were not telling..it kinda freaks kids out..LOL

I would never ever track my kids (even though they are grown now it applied back then as well) they turned out to be well rounded individuals who are making their place in society

Well, it's like this: I understand the child's point of view. They want to break away, discover, and become their own person. That's why they rebel against mother and dad: Those are the people who are always laying down rules and limitations at a time when they want no such thing.

But here's the problem I have, as a parent. I remember being a teenager. I also remember I was dumber than sh*t. I would actually say I was stupid clean up until my mid-twenties. As an adult, I look back on being someone who was trying to be himself... by trying to fit into a group? Trying to gain experiences... without even considering the consequences of my actions, and using that need to fit in as my motivator? Trying to figure out my own likes and dislikes... by doing only what I thought my friends would think of as cool?

Like I said, I was dumber than sh*t.

So there's the dilemma. Parents are educators first and foremost. If you're dealing with someone who is acting irrationally and for illogical reasons, are you going to let them be their own teachers? If so, why not start at the newborn stage? The answer is, of course, you know your child is going to wind up hurting one hell of a lot of people before going down, themselves, in flames. You'd be no parent at all if you're okay with allowing that to happen.

I don't want to answer my door some night, to see a police officer. I don't want that cop to tell me that my daughter was admitted into a Utah hospital (we live in Idaho) because she overdosed on some drug I've never heard of. I DON'T want to tell that officer that the reason I know nothing about what he's telling me is that "I don't want to invade her privacy." That's not parenting at all.

If she's shown me a history of being able to be trusted, then of course I'll loosten the leash. But never completely. At least, not until we celebrate her 18th birthday. That's because the eyes of the law still see me as responsible for her actions until that point.