Why don't I have a personality?? What is wrong with me?

Question

I am in an extremely confusing and annoying situation. As long as I can remember I have felt like I can't relate to people, literally nobody. When I was young I was of course completely unaware of the deepness of the problem but when I look back I can remember thinking to myself..."why can't I be like them" or "I'm not as cool or fun as most people". And now when I look back on my youth and even at my present day life I find that I've never really had any genuine friends. It feels as though I can't earn respect from anyone, even myself. I don't like the way I am, and don't blame people for not respecting me but I don't know how to change. All I see in people when they look at me is disappointment, and it is probably the worst thing in the world to live with. I spend plenty of time with my friends, try to be social, but it is clear that when I talk that I don't really know what I'm talking about and simply forcing myself to contribute words to the conversation. I have a big circle of friends but they really aren't MY friends. I have discovered that they are merely the friends of the couple of my childhood friends. But even my best couple of friends seem to be drifting away from me. It seems like they can become better friends with someone in a day than I am after knowing them for 15 years or so. If they all weren't so nice I probably would've been forced out of the group long ago. In times when I find myself one on one with someone it is usually one of two situations: 1) They have so much personality and so much to talk about that they keep talking and I "listen", although I rarely have an opinion that actually means anything to them or 2) it is extremely awkward as they may say a couple of things and I either can't find anything to say back or the thing I say is stupid and honestly just noise (and I am fully aware of this when I say it). The thing is I don't want to be like this. I like the people I hang out with and want so badly to be able to have conversations with them that come naturally. So often I find myself thinking extremely hard of what to say and how to say it that it wears me out and I eventually just stop talking again. Again, I am an active person, in sports, school activities, and I am pretty smart, with good grades. But the way I go about things is so damn boring that I can't talk to people about it. I want to be myself and want to have fun but I feel like I can't and I don't know how to. 17 years of my life has passed and I am starting to freak out about whether or not I am ever going to change. I feel like nothing extraordinary has happened that I can talk about, nothing I feel proud of and I'm worried that when I leave high school and my "group of friends" that I am going to be unable to find new friends, or just the same thing is gonna happen. I want to have a future with a family but if I don't change there is really 0% chance of that happening. It is an extremely depressing situation to be in because I can't stand the way I am but I can't seem to change. And trust me, I've TRIED. For the past two years at least, when I started to realize the severity of the problem, I've tried to develop a personality, but it's all forced and never genuine, and sometimes seems to work, but in the end fails and leaves me worse off than before. Does anyone else feel like this, what can I do?? Am I as screwed as I think I am for life? I can't stand to face the disappointment of my life any longer.

Update:

Thank you all so much for your answers thus far.

I am taking them very seriously and they really do help.

New answers still very welcome!! :)

Neon Blue · Accepted Answer

No personality? HA.You are descriptive and you sound like a kind hearted person that really wants to be social and is very smart to ask for help. Don't you dare call yourself not interesting. You are optimistic even after 2 years on finding help so that tells me you are strong willed as well. I can see where you are coming from with your feelings. I used to feel a bit like that when I didn't have good friends. Kids in highschool aren't as social as they will be when they are older and know that you all are on the same page after all and that all of the stereotypes mean nothing in the real world.
You are not screwed as you think for life!!! Don't you dare believe that because you just need to get your spirits uplifted for now. Do something that puts you at an element that other people could respect you for. Maybe it's writing, or singing, or being silly, but focus on your strongest points to build up confidence in yourself in front of people. You are not alone and instead of waiting forever for something to magiacally pop out of no where to change you-do the honors yourself and just be that person you want to be.
And also when you said that your friends have more to talk about-that's because they are the ones TALKING. not because they have more to say to you or more opinions then you. You just have to feel more confident talking with people and know that you are just as worthy of getting your opinion said as any other person in the room
Good Luck! :D

Anonymous · Answer

From reading this I can see that you are an extremely articulate and deep thinking person. This is such a lovely attribute to have in such a shallow world. I can tell that you are intelligent and sensitive and as a result of this you probably analyze things and worry unnecessarily. This is what I think you are doing here and I feel it might be having a little bit of a detrimental effect on your relationships.

I think that a lot of pressure gets put on young people nowadays. We are constantly comparing ourselves to other people and imagining our own failings. We are confronted with so much rubbish on tv etc. We live in a society where we are constantly shown images of perfection but it is all just an image. You are still a teenager and have lots of wonderful things to look forward to and a lot of people to meet yet. The more you put pressure on yourself the more your insecurities will show and the less your lovely personality will come through. You need to focus on doing the things you enjoy and the things that make you feel happy. People naturally drift towards people that they see as confident.

I can assure you that those 'interesting' and 'vibrant' people you talk about are likely to have the same insecurities and may even be forcing themselves to behave like that too. Being a teenager  is hard as you are in a transitional stage and your still trying to find your feet. I was exactly the same at your age. I constantly worried what people thought of me and whether I was popular. It took moving to college for me to really become comfortable with who I was.  When that happens you really don't care what people think anymore as you don't need them to validate you.

INYOURFUTURE · Answer

At seventeen you are still morphing into an adult being.  This is a difficult age period except for the very popular personalities. The popular automatically "attract" others and friends. Their problem is they don't have to think or learn how to use their mind to make themselves attactive.  The popular pay a hefty price and get hurt in the long run.  You do have a bright future and a good mind.  By the way you write, it seems clear that you are observing things "attractive people" never thing about. It seems to me your thought life is on a deeper level and that's a good thing.
Your personality will begin to speak on these and many more issues that you see in yourself and in others.  In the mean time, give thanks in your heart for who you are and don't be afraid or react to ANYTHING.

Alion · Answer

Of course you have a personality,everybody does. Don't give up on yourself,your life has barely started. I'd give anything to be 17 again,that's when the future is filled with possibilities,countless choices. Maybe you could travel,or study something you want to learn about-find something you think is interesting and explore it.

kelipac · Answer

You are not alone. Many people feel like this, including myself. The first thing you have to realize is that you keep telling yourself that you are not better than anyone else. You are your OWN person & you need to realize that nobody's expectations can rule up to that. You need to find the happiness inside you. Also when you say people look to you in disappointment, it is not them looking at you in disappointment, it is you. It seems to me that you are shy & not so outgoing. You have your own personality. You are 17 years old, you have your whole life to figure out who you are. :)

mia2 · Answer

You really just need to be yourself and trust in yourself.  Don't concentrate on saying the right thing, if you don't feel like saying anything then don't.  Just be who you truly are.

Canookian · Answer

well, mate, I bet youll get far better answers from a professional than from people like me who have nothing better to do than to surf around yahoo answers 9yeah, im THAT bored)

show your question to your parents and ask to see a professional about it

Yuvraj · Answer

i like fish

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Why don't I have a personality?? What is wrong with me?

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