Who looks like the "CANCEL PERSON" in this "GIRLS TRIP TO THE BEACH" scenario? Am I the bad guy? What do I say?

Question

I am 26 and I have a friend who is 27. This girl we will call "JENNY" and I were best friends from the ages of 11-14. I moved and we lost touch for over 10 years. We found each other and I thought it was a great thing. Still do I guess :)

The first time we hung after all of those lost years, I introduced Jenny to my (very long term) boyfriend, (who is now my husband) and we took her to a casino to have a great time. We paid for the drinks, got a free hotel room for being part of their club etc etc. She was "a lot to handle" mainly b/c she had no money, and was very "hyper" the more alcohol she drank, and was kind of high strung, but was not on drugs it was just kind of like 'babysitting'.

So now a year has gone by, and I thought it would be nice to get together again so she didn't think I was purposely avoiding her. We live an hour apart and we made plans to go camping. Jenny, me, my husband, and two of my younger siblings. All and all due to certain circumstances we canceled and planned to camp the following weekend instead.

HERES WHERE THE PROBLEM KIND OF STARTS:
Camping is fun, however, Ive kind of been doing a lot of it lately, and so I thought, "why don't we make it a fun GIRLS TRIP to the BEACH instead? I called her Monday of this week and shared with her my idea. I told her we would take MY CAR, my sister (age16), Jenny, ALONG with Jennys sister who is about 30, and the 30 year olds daughter who is 9. The 9 y/o has never been to the beach and has been extremely excited since she found out about the "Girls Trip". So days have gone by, meanwhile, I am the one who paid for a the hotel ($150) its a 2 room suite, the gas, and suggested we all bring our own food/drinks. Friendly so far right?

So heres where it gets WEIRD.
She calls me today around 2PM and complains to me about her back hurting and how she needs to get bathing suits out of storage for the 3 of them, and how she has no gas $ to get there, and im just like..."Hey if you want to reschedule we can always go next weekend".

(I found out this past weekend that she is addicted to pain killers for a few 'conditions' she has. I gave her $20 dollars, bought her breakfast $6.00, and bought alcohol the night some friends/us hung out).

She goes "no no lets still go" I think she was just calling to complain and just visit/talk. She has plenty of time to talk cause she has no job, I have never asked why.)

So at 3PM TODAY, she calls and goes "Me and my sister were talking and we have no money for food so just cancel the trip, we cant go) So I immediately go, "OK LET ME CALL YOU RIGHT BACK I"LL SEE IF I CAN CANCEL THE RESERVATIONS" ) and kindly hung up. I have not talked to her since. She then called me back about 30 minutes later, and I told my 16 y/o sister, I go...."Watch she's going to say OH NOW THEY CAN MAKE IT" but however she left a msg and said, For sure just cancel the whoooooole trip cause everything just BLEW UP at my house" and that was it. She is currently staying at her moms b/c she just turned in the keys to her apt that she was staying in forever.

I AM CONFUSED. I Need to call her.

I feel bad about the little girl cause she was so excited I talked to her and everything, but however, I am paying for everything else and we were supposed to do kind of like an "Okie thing" like bringing cheap beer/left overs. I just cant handle this ADULT BABYSITTING.....

I am offering so much, should I just call her back and say, suck it up lets just go? I am keeping the reservations I just dont know if I should cancel HER and just go with my sister?

Its just not a good way to start out the trip with 'drama'..we're old already! come on you know...

If I tell her its canceled, she'll want to go another time....and I CANNOT handle TRYING to make plans with this girl she is insane, putting me through all of this. Meanwhile I am working 40 hours per week! What do I tell her? She keeps calling but not leaving any msg other than "Call me back". We were originally supposed to leave tomorrow at 2:PM.
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Lovey · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you need a fun trip to make you feel better.  Keep the reservations, go with your sister.  Bond with her and blow off some steam.  Friends usually pass money back and forth, paying for each other when one has less than the other.  It usually balances out.  It may not be so balanced with this woman, which is why she mentioned it.  Perhaps she wanted you to reassure her that it's ok that you pay for gas, etc.  Perhaps she genuinely felt responsible for herself and guilty that she couldn't provide for her portion of the trip (minus the hotel room).  Either way, just go and enjoy yourself.  If you want to keep hanging out with her, do so in short daytime visits.  Although she's an hour away from you, spend no more than a few hours with her at a time:  lunch and a bike ride, shopping and bowling, ceramics and a walk down memory lane, etc.  People don't drink as much during daytime activities, if at all.  Don't trap yourself on a trip with her!  LOL  How are you supposed to have fun if you're stuck babysitting?  You probably care about her and still feel a connection because when you were kids, you knew intimate things about her and who she was at her core.  You can probably still see glimpses of the girl she was and are happy to be so familiar and to recognize something from your past.  A lot of time has gone by.  Your friend didn't grow up as much as you did.  It's ok, we're all on different "schedules," but you can't be as close as you were.  You can't pick up where you left off- not with this person.

Monica · Answer

well i definitely don't think you are the bad guy. it seems like you have done pretty much everything in your power to accommodate and put up with her. i would either cancel the reservations or just have you and your sister go. you could always offer to still take the 9 year old, if you or the child even want to do that (i just feel bad for her, because it's not her fault, it's her aunt's). however, if you don't think the trip will be very fun anymore and too much work/ too expensive, then just cancel it. i wouldn't worry too much about "jenny." if she called back again to say she definitely couldn't go, chances are that she cant go. don't feel bad, i know she's a longtime friend, but honestly, you shouldn't have to worry about her problems. good luck. hopefully whatever you decide works out well :)

Fay · Answer

This is so not your fault. She sounds like a mooch. It sounds like she was hinting around for you to buy them all bathing suits because she knows how nice you are, buying her stuff all the time. And THEN she says she cant afford food. hint hint.. she wanted you to offer to pay for everything. Pill heads never have money, they always buy pills. She sounds crazy, and she sounds like a lot of trouble. Just because you guys were best friends all those years ago doesnt mean you can be friends now. People change, and maybe all thats left of your friendship are the memories you have of when you guys got along in a different way. Shes changed, and so have you, and shes taking you for granted. Dont let her treat you this way, youve been too nice already. Go take a vacation without her.

lilmommy4u · Answer

Have a great beach trip with you and your sister and leave the moocher at home. You could not possibly be that desperate for friends that you would pay her way. You are not her mother, you shouldn't always have to foot the bill for her. It's unfortunate about the little girl, but again, not really your problem. Ditch her now before she does anything else. It was nice reconnecting with your childhood friend but you're not children anymore...well at least you're not, she's questionable.

? · Answer

If she's driving you his crazy just making plans with her, how crazy do you think she might make you when you are away from home and you are stuck with her. Take your sister and have a good time or even see if you can take her daughter. But I would NOT take her and PAY even more to be miserable with her. She's using you and you are too nice of a person to realize it.

Anais · Answer

Really? Wtf? Just don't call her again. This is a no brainer. Why do you feel the need to be her friend when she is just obviously trying to take advantage of you. I would not call her back at all. I would just go with my sis and have fun. Why ruin a good trip with drama. This is high school stuff!

Anonymous · Answer

i would just continue with the plans because if u don't she isn't going to stop bugging you about making new arrangements, who knows maybe things will go well and like u said that little girl has never been to the beach so at least its beneficial to someone.

best of luck:)

Anonymous · Answer

I got about 1/2 way through this.

penelope · Answer

just leave the drama at home, and take a nice trip to the beach with who ever is able to go. it's her loss.

bryan m · Answer

screw her shes a b i t c h

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Who looks like the "CANCEL PERSON" in this "GIRLS TRIP TO THE BEACH" scenario? Am I the bad guy? What do I say?

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