My best friend is choosing her boyfriend over us, her close friends. What should we do?

Question

My friend used to be happy, carefree, enthusiastic and intelligent.

Then, she started dating this guy and things have changed. And not for the better.

My friend, we'll call her Tara, met this guy over a year ago. The two seemed perfect for each other- although the boyfriend was a bit of an oddball.

His last girlfriend had died in a car crash, and he had anger management issues. In public, he seemed like an okay guy, and when they first started dating we, as her friends, supported them both.

But then the break up came and Tara was devastated. Her boyfriend had cheated on her!

We had a girls' night in and brought ice cream and a movie over to her house and tried to get her mind off of the problem.

...except the following week they got back together.

And she began not eating very much.

And she began to spend every single moment of her life with him despite how he hurt her.

Her parents weren't happy. She was scared of losing him again.

And now she is ignoring us, her parents, and glaring at us in the halls because our support of her decisions had wavered.


She isn't talking to us. But Tara and I have been close friends for years now, and watching her fall apart and destroy her own life is painful and difficult.


What can we do to help Tara when she's choosing her boyfriend over her friends, family, schoolwork, and goals?

? · Accepted Answer

You single handily learned a life long lesson .  What am I talking about? Number one, girls are the quickest to turn on girls.  Second a true friend will never do that to you.  In light of that, true friends are hard to find so when you do find a true friend, you hold on to them.  You know, just saying I don't know you, but that was a sweet thing you did for her by coming to her house and bring her ice cream.  Sounds to me like you need to get to know more people like you :)

Natalia · Answer

I've been in Tara's place before, but the good thing is that Tara's parents know about this. In my experience, if this keeps going on, Tara might commit suicide. 
Also, when I was in her place, nothing, could take my mind off the guy, that guy just hurt me deeply. I'm really, truly sorry I can't really help, but I don't think shes going to forget about him.

Angel G · Answer

Tara needs to know as do you that dealing with men is and will be a roller coaster of emotions. They don't love the way women do its 60 (us) and  40 (them). Just let her know that you all still care for her and are still her friends so she doesn't have to give you mean glares while in the hall ways. When he dumps her again she's gonna need all of you to help her through it. Pray for her too. Ask God to help her see this guy for who he really is. Ask him to give her more self esteem for herself. Ask God not to allow her to lose herself in the guy.

Danny H · Answer

I say kidnap the boyfriend and mail him to Indonesia to work in a sweatshop making plastic toys for the rest of his life. Then she'll have no choice but to hang out with you....

knowitall · Answer

Her mind is closed to anything but him.  Just be there for her when she crashes after he dumps her again.  Try to find another (nice) guy to start showing attention to her just to let her be aware there are other guys out there.

Anonymous · Answer

one thing you guys can do as her friend is to be there for her no matter what! tell her that directly.
do not make her think like it's either her boyfriend or her friends. she's already under a lot of stress, don't add more!

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My best friend is choosing her boyfriend over us, her close friends. What should we do?

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