99 year old grandma that needs a lot of care?

I took care of my Grandmother the last five years of her life. She died at the age of 96. She had dementia and the last couple of years of her life she did not even know who I was except I was the lady that took care of her. She actually called me lady. She was getting ready for bed one night when she fell and when I went into her room and found her on the floor I tried to get her up and saw that her leg was broken. I called for an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. Then the doctor showed me what happen. He said that she did not fall and break her leg that her leg broke and then she fell. Her bones were just so brittle that she twisted her leg and the bone just snapped like a chicken leg bone. She was on a blood thinner so they could not do surgery until her blood thickened which was about a week to 10 days. Then they did surgery and put a pin in her leg. After about another week in the hospital they had to move her to a nursing home. I could not bring her home because all or our bedrooms were on the second floor and I could not handle her. I hated putting her in a home but I had no choice. She lived one night in the home and died the next day. I to looked at my Grandma like a Mom because we lived next door to her while I was growing up and I was with her every day so I know how you must feel. It is very hard and I am so sorry that you have to experience this. I can only tell you that you can only do what you can do. Your Grandma has had a very long life and she can't live forever. It is time for you and your Mother to live your lives. You have just married and you need to give your marriage and your job your time now. Your Grandma would want it that way. Your Mother needs to take care of her health. You sound like such a caring man. Your wife and Mother are lucky women. Put your Grandma in a nice nursing home and visit when you can. You and your Mother can take turns. Her life is coming to an end and yes that is sad but you have your whole life ahead of you and you need to be concentrating on that. I don't mean to sound harsh but your Grandma would want you to have a nice long life like she has and for you Mother too. You have done all you can do. Now you need to turn it over to God. Don't be sad. Be happy that you got to spend so many years with your Grandma. Your not betraying her.

I commend you for loving your grandmother like you do. That does not happen all the time.

I am 78 years of age and my husband is 81. We are not suffering with dementia etc. and hopefully will never do so.

If your grandmother does not know who she is, does not know who is alive and who has passed on, doesn't know where she is - then realize that you will not be harming her either physically or mentally if you put her in the hospital. She will not feel sad, she will not feel abandoned, she will only feel a certain comfort because she is being looked after very diligently.

You have to consider, now, your own family. Your grandmother would want that. She would not want you to have the challenges that you have with her around. I bet she would be the first to say, go on with your life and leave me to walk my own path.

She must know how much you love her, by your past relationship with her. What would a person who loves you, say to you if she could. I will pretend I am she.

"My wonderful grandson. You have done everything you could for me, under dire circumstances sometimes. I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I will be safer and more at peace by being in a more controlled environment. Please, look after yourself and your family now, and let me live whatever time I have left, knowing that you are not spending your precious moments worrying about me. Come and see me as often as you can, and I will know that you are there. When I leave this earth, let me go with the knowledge that you did everything you possibly could do for me and remember, I will always love you."

I took care of my mother-in-law for several years but she was in an assisted living center until this past March. Due to dementia she could no longer stay in her apartment so we placed her in a nursing home.I made appointments and checked several out and was fortunate to find a nice one.It is to demanding to care for an elderly adult.Bathing and bathroom issues are especially hard. I can't say enough for the care she received that I would have never been able to give. I was able to continue with a norman life of babysitting our grandson and the stress was much less with her being in the nursing home.There are good ones out there. It may be time to consider a change and I would encourage you to look into a few nursing homes.She passed away in early August but I am still ok with the decision we made.We all need our sanity and some sense of a normal life. If not it becomes to demanding.My mother-in-law couldn't feed herself and that is an enormous strain on a person daily.I hope you are able to find the right solution for you.

I can relate to your situation and can only recommend that you do what's best for you. My wife and I take care of my Mother in Law, in home, and of course my wife does the lion share of care taking as I do have a job to go to. While we have had hundreds of conversations regarding what to do, it all boils down to one fact; what's right for my wife's mother?

Actually our situations sounds similar, although my Mother in Law is only 75, she has on and off Dementia, MS, recently broke her leg, and while she was mobile a few months ago she is now bed ridden and doesn't understand why. We have started a Palliative (hospice), in home because that's what works best for everyone. To be honest with you; I don't know what my wife would have done if we weren't together (married eight years), so I see this largely, as a real important social issue that needs serious consideration by our culture.

Because she has great awareness we are not comfortable in any kind of institutionalized care (can only afford nursing home under Medicaid), and can expect zero help from younger children (adults) as they really don't understand the gravity of elders near death who need care.

My wife and I made our decision on what direction to take based on what we would like to happen if we were the ones in need. While we are stopping our lives at the moment, we know it's a matter of time before Mom passes. It's our opinion to do the best we can do for her, remembering she did the best she could do for her daughter for many years. In the end I don't think any decision is wrong as long as it's moral and allows for dignity to the end... Good Luck:)

Hi Coast. Type into your search bar "area agency on aging" followed by your state or largest nearest city. This program is federally funded and it's purpose is to help navigate local resources. They will send a nurse or social worker to your mom's house to meet your grandmother. This is NOT to spy on your family, or judge your mom's house or anything like that. It is to ASSESS your grandmother so they can tell you what they recommend for her. In many cases they provide free home health care for several hours a week. They can also help you with the nursing home decision.

Also look into a Personal Alarm. One end is hooked on your grandmother's sweater, the other on her chair and it will alert the family when she is attempting to stand without assist.

Please don't be afraid of a nursing home for her. Your mom and you and your wife all together cannot be round the clock dietitians, cooks, housekeepers, nurses, doctors, nursing assistants, recreational therapists, hairdressers, laundry workers, psychologist, etc. It may be time that your dear grandma requires professional care for her physical safety and comfort.

There are many very good homes available if you have the cash. A medicare home will keep you just as busy doing all the things they don't and watching them. This is a major drama in the family's life I'm sure but it is also a rare opportunity to see it through to the end and hope for some surprises along the way.

You of course are going to do just as you know you should and do your best to be a part of it. Your best is all you can give.

When you can't keep them at home any more you find a good nursing home, and visit a lot. Their safety has to be your first concern. No one likes to have to put a love one in a home but sometimes you have to. So don't feel guilty.