do you know any long jokes that are funny?

A farmer, upset with his low yield of eggs, decided to go to town to buy a fresh rooster who could liven things up a bit with his hens. The man at the supply store told him he wished he could help, but all he had was this incredible randy rooster. "But that's just what I need!" the farmer said. The store owner said, "Not this rooster, he's trouble. I've never seen anything so horny." But the farmer insisted and eventually took the rooster home on the condition that he wouldn't ever return it. Once home, the rooster jumped into the hen house and nailed every hen repeatedly until they were all exhausted and nearly dead. Undaunted, the rooster hopped the fence and got in with the ducks, repeating the scene with the hens and wiping out all the ducks. He then leaped another fence and proceeding to nail all the geese. This continued for three days until all the farm birds that were left alive lay gasping. The farmer found the rooster prostrate in the middle the yard, with buzzards circling overhead. "Serves you right." said the farmer, at which point the rooster rose, pointed overhead, winked, and said, "Shhhhhhhhh."

sin of lying

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Today's Joke: The Joy Of Having Girls

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My mother taught me to read when I was four years Old (her first mistake).

One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of The cabinet doors was ajar, their was a box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom.

Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, She told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months....

It's Christmas evening, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for Dinner.

Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone... Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, My uncle came in first and Immediately burst into laughter.

Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.

Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when She saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, With the fork carefully arranged on top.

I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!

My mother asked me why I used these and of course, My response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

'But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!'

Pass this on to your girlfriends who need a good Laugh or anyone who has a daughter!

Life is too short for drama and petty things, So Laugh insanely, Love truly, And forgive quickly.... And for heavens sake, Use the good napkins whenever you can

The Devil's Lawsuit

There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death.

He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said "Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell."

The worker agreed - not like he could do anything else - and he was on his way.

When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, "Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits."

Then the worker replied, "That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward." So he fixed the wall.

Satan, intrigued, asked, "What else can you build?"

So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.

Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, "I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven."

Satan replied, "No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him."

God then said, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages."

Satan just laughed: "And where are you going to find a lawyer?"

The ant and grass hopper

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house .

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath ' .

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice ' .

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice ' .

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley .

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...

because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!