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Any tips for potty training a resistant/distracted boy?
My son is 3 years, 7 months old. He has been using the toilet for almost a year now, as he started showing interest in learning last October. He's not unable or unwilling. The problem is that either he does not know when he needs to go, or else he does know, but he ignores it. Because if we don't constantly push him to use the toilet, he will happily go in his underwear (both pee and poo) and just continue playing. Sometimes he'll even lie about having gone in his pants so that he can keep playing. He does this both at home and at daycare. He is unable or unwilling to discuss why he does not go to the toilet. When asked, his only response is "because I didn't." Pointing out that his logic is circular doesn't seem to help (I'm trying to keep my sense of humor about this).
We have had limited success with offering positive incentives for using the potty. It usually works for about a week, then he loses interest and goes back to his old habits unless we find some new incentive. For a couple weeks now, we've tried negative reinforcement, by putting one of his favorite toys in "time out" when he messes himself. He can't get it back unless he poops in the potty. He now has about six toys in time out, so we're looking for a new approach.
My wife and I are very frustrated, and now have a second baby due in February. We've tried to be laid back about the whole thing, but it has now become a major priority. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
We haven't had him checked by a neurologist. We did consult with an occupational therapist last year after his teacher expressed concern about some behaviors. She felt he has some mild sensory integration issues. That may be part of the problem.
We haven't been using diapers or pull-ups, except for overnight, for a couple months now. When we ask if he needs or wants to go, the answer is ALWAYS no. As I've said, positive reinforcement (prizes, games, treats) has given us some success, but it's very limited and inconsistent. And he actually prefers to go sitting down.
I think PurpleBlob is closest to the issue. The thing I think we're missing is motivation. He just doesn't see wet/soiled underwear as a problem. Apparently some of the kids at daycare have teased him about it, but it doesn't bother him enough to do something about it. I've been trying to convince him that the time wasted cleaning him up could be spent having fun, but it doesn't seem to get through.
3 Answers
- Roger CLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
I don't want to scare you but have you had him checked out by a neurologist to be sure there isn't an actual problem with his nervous system? Particularly the lower part of his spinal cord should be thoroughly examined. Conditions such as Spina Bifida Occulta can cause sensory and/or control problems.
- 1 decade ago
A 2 year old can't use a toilet, but most 5 year olds can. In between is that blurred time of learning, and practise. Even though physically your son may be capable of using the toilet, psychologically he may not quite be there yet. To 3 year olds, wet underwear is more of an inconvenience than anything else. Asking him 'why' is not going to get far either, as a 3 year old is not as self-aware and able to reason as you are.
Providing he has the tools (the opportunity to use the toilet, reminders, developing bowel and bladder control), and motivation (convenience and fun of using a toilet, not wanting to be uncomfortable, not wanting to lose friends due to smelling), he will get there but maybe not quite yet. Check that he is not in any pain and has a urinary infection, remind him at regular intervals, and be slightly irritated (but not too much) when he fails, and he will eventually learn.
if your wife is expecting, it is likely that he will for a time 'regress' and stop using a toilet anyway. This is an emotional reaction to change that children of his age show. He might therefore need extra reassurace and patience, although you might feel a bit short of that at the moment!
Source(s): Children - 1 decade ago
All those potty training things you can buy are a total waste of money. If you still have him in pampers try to go the days without pampers. Remind him every couple hours to use the potty even if he says he doesn't need to. With my sons, my husband and I taught them to make it a competition. So if they didn't want to go I'd tell them that I'd get to use the potty first. Of course it was more of a game for them instead of a duty, but when they realized we actually used the potty before them, they would try to beat us to the bathroom. Also allow him to use the bathroom standing up. Boys adore being "just like daddy."
