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How to deal with runaways and twens?
My best friend's brother got kicked out of the house because he dropped out of school, worked at a menial job, smoked a lot of pot, and did nothing with his life. He spent 6 months or so with his friends at an apartment, but he ran out of money and wanted to come back home. So his father agreed to take him back, if he follows the conditions: no more pot, go to school and get a damn degree, and go to church every Sunday. Basically, he was in house arrest. But the problem now is that he has started to sneak out of the house (maybe not to smoke because his father tests him every month), but because he's bored and a kid in his early twens cannot stay in house arrest...it's hugely affecting my best friend, because she's freaking out and wants to keep her family together, but doesn't know how. So is there any real advice I can give her, or to her brother, or to her father? I need concrete guidelines on how to approach this, because my best friend is hurting when she really doesn't need to...it's not her problem, and it's sad.
1 Answer
- Bradley PLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
I don't think you can talk the fellow's father out of the "house arrest"--that seems to be the issue. The young man's father really does want to see his son straighten up, and the drug use has made it so that the son is "untrustworthy" in his eyes.
Maybe what you can do, though, is set it up so that you and your best friend can introduce yourselves to the father, let him get to know you and *establish* with him that you two are trustworthy. Then, once he gets that, help him come to the conclusion that it might be "safe" to let the son out of the cage once in a while on an *Innocent* social outing, if you two *both* are with him as escorts, or chaperones.
It might work. But it's still going to take some doing. Trust has been broken and it's going to take some effort to rebuild it.
I hope this helps. And please, don't encourage any further "sneaking out", this is exactly what the father, in his near-paranoia, would suspect--more breaking and violation of trust. He doesn't need that and neither do you. Rebuild some trust instead.
