How do I confront my husband about flirting?

Why do you have to hide the fact that you have his passwords and check his email? My spouse and I share all our passwords with each other, and have an open policy that either can look.

Of course we don't have reason to bother looking, but accountability keeps our trust levels up. Neither of us want to accidentally say something to a "friend" that could in any way be misconstrued. Therefore, knowing each others' passwords makes us always think, "now how would my spouse feel about this if s/he saw this." It makes us stronger, not weaker.

You should tell your husband that you suspected something was just "not right," so you looked at his emails. Tell him what you found made you uncomfortable. If he refuses to address your concerns, and tries to redirect the conversation to your "snooping," then he is guilty as charged.

If he agrees that he was probably out of line, but was just being playful (and apologizes), then you have nothing to be concerned with.

I don't think you are over-reacting, I can see your point very well. However, I would be even more concerned if they were "new" people in his life, not people from 10 yrs ago that he associates with sexually and probably has no intentions of reuniting with. Myspace is a huge web of randomness and perhaps he's still friends with a few people from high school that still know these people. I doubt he actively sought these people out and requested them to be his myspace friends. If he did, then that's a reason for concern in itself. While it's not exactly a sin to be curious about the whereabouts of people you used to spend time with, it's completely another to continue to speak with them, while married, about sex or anything in that realm. Given that this is a new marriage and your key to survival is communication, I would say something instead of fester in anger. He's going to know that something is wrong and he won't know why. That's not exactly fair nor does it solve anything. I think the real wedge would be if you turn a blind eye to your feelings, get it out there and you'll be happy you did.

There shouldn't be secrets and lies of omission in a marriage. You shouldn't worry that he'll be offended by your snooping. If he didn't act shady you wouldn't have a reason to suspect him. All you did was validate your suspicions. Tell him as clearly and directly as you can that it is not acceptable and to stop. If he doesn't then you need to implement a consequence serious enough to get his attention that he's got something more to lose than some online romance.

Allowing him to deflect his responsibility for inappropriate behavior by casting dispersions on your actions is typical of guilty people. Don't let it offend you. Why should he be concerned about what some random woman thinks about him unless he is paving the way to a more emotional/physical relationship outside of his marriage?

You should really check out Mike Walden's (dating coach) report on how to make any guy, doesn't matter if is your boyfriend, husband or someone who you just met, feel so attracted to/in love with you, that he will get obsessive thoughts about you, all done through text messaging.

I know it sounds crazy but it works. I've tried it and I still can't believe how some simple text messages changed everything. Get the report here for free: http://www.threemagictexts.com/

I would agree that flirting is not necessarily correct however it is completely normal. All men and all women flirt weather they realize it or not. Spying however, on an adult by an adult is wrong no matter how you look at it. You have a major trust issue. You do not trust your husband to not step out of the relationship and then you justify it by going threw his personal stuff. Your husband is with you because he loves you not because he has to. Show him the same respect that you want him to show you.

Personally, if you and I were married and you came to me about flirting and said you feel it is wrong because you were looking through me personal emails I would go through the roof. Everyone needs person space and you need to respect his.

Okay,

The answer to this question is: When your husband comes home, do you give him space to wind down. If not, you are pushing him to flirt with other women. By getting his password and going on sites he visited, that is sorta invasion of privacy. Think of How you would feel if your husband did that. Hey, I been with my girlfriend for over 6 years, she allows me to flirt with other women. I am with her, she tells men, I love you, I did not mind now. I did before then. I had to sit down and think things over. you are going to have to take this in perspective. Your husband is wanting attention, and going on a witch hunt will not solve problems. It will make them worst. Why not sit him down at the table with some wine, and some food cooked, with candles burning as a romance evening. Then ask nice and slow, low toned why is he flirting with women. Ask him this, Is there something missing that needs to be filled. Majority of the failed relationships usually fall into husbands/wife needs not being met. For instance, sex , being intimate, and most of all, sensitive to ones needs.

Try this and most likely he will open up. One more thing, There is a site out there that can help you filter the content to save the marriage. Its called opendns.com . Just filter out pornography, portals, and everything that have to do with dating and looking at another person. Then time his arrival and his departure day by day. you can and will find irregularities in his arrivals. Please try this method instead of sabotaging the pc.

The honest and best way to approach this type of issue in your marriage is by not putting him on the defensive.

Naturally, it will be ones desire to "attack" the other person. There has to be something more.

One way to do this is state how this is making you feel while letting him know you are aware of what he is saying online and how it is making you feel.

"I do not feel appreciated or loved when you are telling other women that they are cute,"

Another way to try and resolve this is by taking control of the computer. If you both share the same computer, it is very easy to go in and change the password. In fact, you can set the parental controls on him and limit his time on the computer so that you are home when he is home.

The reality is that this is a threat to you and your marriage and you are correct and entitled to be upset over his behavior. And, just because it may seem to be "harmless flirting" does not mean that it is okay. From what you are describing is something more.

In fact, I used to carry on with my online conversations with other ladies the same way I had always carried on. My wife caught me and doing this and each time she would ask "Why do you do that?" Of course, I would ask "Do what?" and then she would relate my conversation she say (looking over my shoulder as she walked by, getting on the computer, etc). She would relate to me how it made her feel, how she took it.

So, now, she knows who I talk to, what the conversation is about, and even participates in the conversation. I have two ex girlfriends on my Face-book. She has interacted with one of them.

It is all about open communication and being honest. If his behavior does not change and he feels you are being too "emotional about it" then the next thing would be to put it in perspective. "How would it make you feel if I told some guy that he is sexy," or "how would you feel if you read a message sent to some guy you don't know where I said, your last message really turned me on and I still can't stop thinking about it," Most likely, he will express how it would make him feel. Once he does, then it is where you should say "That is exactly how this is making me feel".

Another way to go about this is just sit down with him, take him out to dinner and have this kind of conversation:

"I am really concerned about a friend at work because she feels that her husband is possibly cheating on her with some other guy online. She does not know how to approach him, but she discovered this when she went online and he left one of his accounts opened. Apparently, there are messages where her husband is telling this other lady that she is sexy, that she is cute and that her last message was very steamy."

I applaude you in your ability to restrain your anger. I'm surprised you haven't yet confronted him. But I agree that this situation doesn't seem very promising. He's clearly not concerned about his behavior or showing any respect twoards you or your marriage. I wouldn't say divorce him just yet, but let him know that you know. And if he's not willing to delete those email accounts, and spend less time on that computer then he's not willing to work with you. Then I'd say dump him!

you need to sit down and state you are unhappy with him using internet but will allow some time on it providing he also allows you too to start spending the same amount of time on internet.

make a point of having PC or laptop in same room as your self after all if he has nothing to hide!

make sure you suddenly appear by his shoulder and be blunt by saying I don't fully trust you and want to see what you are doing on web.

if he clicks off a page when you get near him simply grab mouse and look back to site he has been on .scroll back arrow or history button'.

insist on going out more. if all else fails you may have to sabotage the PC. after all if it isnt working he cant use web.

sadly he may be feeling not enough attention and age creeping up on him. make sure he is busy, how about a new kitchen? holiday. etc

take up a combined activity with him and yourself, a busy man has no time to make mischief.

if all else fails suggest you started (and do so) using internet too and had a nasty surprise when somebody said they knew your husband but wouldnt give any details other than to say he can't be ttrusted 'ask what did she mean?

by putting pressure on him you keep him on back foot. if? he gets mad at you over internet use then you have to ask why? no smoke etc

do not back down ,he should be tghe one to accede, failing that you may have to look again at the marraige and what it means to you both. good luck. do remember it takes two to tango and that any relationship is only as good as the trust that supports it.

Don't. He'll not like you having checked up on him sneakily. If there's stuff you want to get more information on, like a particular ex-GF, you can do that in a more general way, like by asking him something like "do you ever hear from so-and-so?" (and think up some plausible reason for having thought of the subject, like "I thought I saw her in the mall in the distance" if you know what she looks like and she lives locally, and NOT "I hacked your Facebook/MySpace etc"). If there's something really going on (and not just relatively innocuous chit-chat), it'll be obvious. It may be nothing, but given that they have a history, it's more likely that there is than with some random girl he's met on the internet. Or you could start messing around on FB or whatever yourself ...