Can you write a better "Top 10 List" of reasons David Letterman had sex with staffers?

Here's mine:

The Top 10 Reasons David Letterman had sex with staffers:

10. No one wanted to have sex with him when he was a weatherman.

9. It all started as a "stupid human trick"

8. It gets old doing a monologue if you know what I mean?

7. When you've got World Wide Pants somebody is bound to get into them.

6. All those Monica Lewinsky jokes left him wondering.

5. It was "Hide the Salami" Tuesday down at the "Hello Deli".

4. Bristol Palin was already taken.

3. Paul had already written a catchy song for the bit:

(Sung enthusiastically) "Hey how would you like to have sex with David Letterman, SEX WITH DAVID LETTERMAN!, Oh yeah"

2. It was just part of New York City's new stimulus package.

And the number one reason David Letterman had sex with his staffers:

1. It was "Sweeps Week" and he needed a rise in the poll.