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What about this? Is it very very bad?.?
Raindrops falling on my head
i don't feel it, my soul is dead
with a single word
you flayed my soul
now it is cringing , i have no control
On and on i walk in the rain
People talking and laughing
all i feel is pain
A little child, pulling a face
a parent looking on in disgrace
the child looked at me and i looked back
a smile forming in my eyes
I am back on track.
5 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
More more more
For Gods sake who really cares about which category its in????????
- 1 decade ago
I think it would be better if you weren't trying to stick to a rigid pattern. It's a very emotional poem so it makes it sound trite and waters down the imagery.
Sounds like you're trying to get over a breakup. Just go nuts and see what you write. It will be more cathartic and your reader will be able to feel more of what you're trying to convey. Afterwards you can clean it up so that it has more order to it.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well, i'm quite sure this might be in the wrong section unless you could give us more details on what this has to do with relationships...
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
cute
