Will you critique my?

Papaw .

I was feeling a wee bit down today & came across this .

I thank You

I needed to see joy & good & seeing YOU was best

The poem makes it a perfect 10

Hugs dear man D :)

Hi, I like it with suggestions.

First, not to beat up on John but I write every day of my life and free form is OK and doesn't have to have a specific, RIGID rhythm.

I can do Rhyme, but I don't care for it so much, as it's either too easy or too difficult to force.

I encourage you to keep at it though, if it fits you to do that.

Poetry, (Forget the "Rules") is or has to be a passion and almost an addiction and can be developed, just like learning how to play a musical instrument.

OK now some edit suggestions.

I agree with drop "and" - I might switch "The Voice of the Forest as the wind whispers through it"

The friends part and cheerful cries is kinda confusing.

I'd drop starry and say star filled, drop blissfiul

I'm sorry, and everybody has opinions and methods of expressing and since you say beginners, I say keep at it. I don't know if you posted this in the Poetry category, but there are some decent people over there, but ya kinda have to have tough skin too in being critiqued.

I'd be really happy to see/read more of yer work though and maybe we can share some.

Kudos to ya.

Dallas

Yikes, sorry I see you did post in Poetry

OMG PAPAW ASKED A QUESTION!

lol... well here:

it's very nice. The thing I would recommend is maybe making it different thank making there be a comma for it kind of sounds a little weird with the comma - but it also sounds nice in a good way... just if you want i would probably change it to make it two separate lines. Anyways I think it's a great poem! I wish I could write poems for when I try they are really bad.....

And look how many answers you got! and how many stars you got! A record!

You're a guy of many talents Couple of suggestions:

Line 4: change the word (night) to night time) and the word (voices) to (noises)since you used the word voice in the line above.

Last line, maybe eliminate the word (blissful)

Still, a great job

Sure. Good simple topic. Since this is a formal poem composed of three rhymed couplets, you might want to also apply a little technique to it like establishing a meter. One of the most common is is iambic pentameter (made famous by Shakespeare). An iamb is two syllables with stress on the second, like a heartbeat, ba-DUM. Five iambs make a line of ten syllables. So, for example:

Savor the music that all seasons sing!

Favor the songs with your ear as they ring!

The whisper of pines in soft Winter wind,

The roar of rivers when Spring comes again,

The riot of songbirds in Summer nest,

And crackle of Fall leaves when trees take rest.

So there's a little "four seasons" poem. I cheated a bit on the meter, and there's no rule you have to stick with one meter throughout. Just have fun.

Unusual to see a question from you, much less a poem. I gotta give you an A though. Good effort

Way better than my "beginners" poem:

LOVE

Love is wonderful,

Love is sweet.

Love will put you on the edge of your seat.

Love is kind,

Love is true.

Love is what makes me stick to you.

©Copyright 1998 by Danielle N. Calhoun

Awee! Will wonders never cease, Good job, Papaw. You never cease to surprise me! Good job1

A good poem...but I doubt that's your first effort

Very nice. Good job.