How do I manage "the moms" when my baby is born?

Question

My parents live about a 12-hour drive away from me. They are coming to be with us when our baby is born in December. I'm a first-time (and reluctant) mother, and my mom has said she'll stay with us as long as I need her. (I am clueless about babies and will need all the help she's willing to give.)

My in-laws live about 5 hours away--too far to come for just a day.

Up until now, we've had enough room in the house for four guests (two sets of parents), but the baby is getting one of the two spare rooms, so there is only room for one set of parents at a time.

My mother-in-law will be eager to come and visit as soon as possible after the baby is born, and I want to honor that, but want to keep my own mom around for at least a couple weeks, I think, until I get everything more or less figured out. I also find my M-I-L somewhat intimidating and judging, so am not really eager for an extended visit, especially in the early stages. Still, I know she needs to meet her new grandbaby.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to give both sets of parents access to baby, but keep my own mom close until I'm comfortable? The only thing I can think of is sending one set to a hotel, but we don't really have many decent ones near us, and it seems inhospitable to me.

How did you work this out, if your families were both out of town?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You should have your mother stay with you as long as you need her to.  you will always have a stronger bond with your mother than with your mil.  when i had my first child my mom stayed with me for a month and it was incredible how much better she made me feel.  your mil can never replace that no matter how well intentioned she may or may not be.  having a baby is a very private experience and you should have near you what makes you comfortable and do not worry about other peoples feelings right now. you and the baby are the only ones who matter.  i felt like i was in navy seal boot camp the first few weeks and my mother gave me confidence like i never thought she could.  unfortunately, when you have a baby inlaws feel like they have the privilege to invade your life and privacy because they are excited about the baby.  when i had my first baby at 35 i threatened to have it in another state unless i was left alone.  it caused some problems but nothing that couldn't be resolved in time and my wishes about the birth and my privacy at home were respected.   DO NOT feel guilty about what makes you comfortable and happy.  there is always an affinity for the mothers parents over the fathers.  good luck

tamara k ♥ her family · Answer

It is actually strongly recommended that the baby sleep in the same room as the mother for at least the first six months of their life. Is your bedroom big enough for you to put some sort of bedding arrangement for the baby in? That way you could leave the planned nursery set up as a partial spare room and put your mother in law in there. That would give your mother in law the ego trip of being able to sleep in the same room as her grandson while sending the not so subtle message that you're not that eager for her to stay too long! And as your mother is definitely coming to stay and you don't have your mother in laws visiting intentions in concrete yet, your mother should get the room that is remaining a dedicated spare room.

Cecelia · Answer

If both of the parents are going to be there at the same time when the baby is first born, it shouldn't be a problem because the baby usually stays in the parents room for the first couple of months.

Anonymous · Answer

Is there a hotel nearby you could book them into? Or do you have other family nearby that could myabe house your in-laws or your parents for a while?

If not, then I don't know... 5 hours isn't that far for 1 day...

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How do I manage "the moms" when my baby is born?

4 Answers