Why do I hate people?

From what you've told us, it's no wonder that you struggle to see any good in people. You're obviously quite jaded by life and so maybe a bit bitter about things (and I can't blame you in the slightest).

When you've been hurt and taken advantage of by someone you loved and raised, it can be difficult not to assume that strangers are going to hurt you as well.

Your negativity and thinking the worst of people is probably a defence mechanism - if you don't invest emotion or expect anything positive from people, you can't be let down by them.

It sounds as though you feel a lot of anger. You may not think of yourself as an angry person if you don't often show it but if you feel a lot of hatred for people, it's quite likely that you're internalising anger.

It's not uncommon for someone to feel a lot of anger if they have (or have had in the past) difficulty controlling their life or standing up for themselves. For example, your neice taking advantage of you and using her children as blackmail material to get what she wants from you. I think it would be well worth you learning to assert yourself better so that you don't get walked on. Think about it this way, you care for your neices children because she's too bone idle to care for them herself - do you think she'd really take them away? I doubt it because that would mean looking after them herself. She might even take them for a few days but I have no doubt they'd be back on your doorstep before you know it. Even if you don't express this anger outwardly, it isn't good for your health. It isn't good for the children either - they're very preceptive and pick up on these things.

It's worth bearing in mind here that many people who suffer from anger initially think they don't have problems being assertive - in fact they believe their problem is being too assertive to the point of being confrontational. In fact, the opposite is often true. Quite often people are confrontational or aggressive because they aren't able to calmly assert their feelings or needs in a situation. So they hold back from what they need to say until it's too late and they're hopping mad - then what they need to say comes out as aggressive or confrontational. It may be however that you don't think you're angry at all because you internalise these feelings too much. Either way, I think you may benefit from approaching your hatred as though it is anger and dealing with it in this way.

Here is a list of some tried and tested approaches:

1. Make a list of the things that 'trigger' you or that are constant in your life and make you feel down.

2. Out of that list, make a list of the things that you CAN change. Then put together a plan and timescale to change them - and do it!

3. Make a list of calming things you can do to bring relief when something 'triggers' your negativity or anger. These can be anything you like such as soaking in a hot bath, reading a book for half an hour, or taking a walk. Make sure there is a good variety and that some of them are things you can do when at work or on the move (could be as simple as visualising a nice memory or deep breathing). Every time something 'triggers' you, calmly remind yourself that you can't control what is happening but you CAN control how you respond to it.

4. When you start to feel 'triggered', do one of your calming things. This may take some work initially because when you're feeling angry or defensive you may feel inclined to be confrontational. Force yourself to get off the wheel of emotion you're on and calm yourself down before returning to the situation. Visualise that the anger or hate you're feeling is you running on a giant hamster wheel. Sounds funny but if you can visualise it as this, you can also visualise yourself stepping off that wheel and calming down. Slowing down and calming your emotions.

5. Think of past situations when you have felt angry towards someone when it was inappropriate. (Such as the example you cited with the pregnant lady). Play that back through in your mind calmly whilst taking deep breaths. Remind yourself that she didn't act in the way she did to offend or hurt you personally. Also bear this in mind in future scenarios. Often we get angry when we feel that people are trying to hurt us (fight or flight) and in some people where they have a low self-esteem, they can believe people are acting against them even if they aren't.

6. Keep telling yourself that there is no use in getting angry about things you have no control over. Find more positive ways to deal with the situation. If someone has caused you stress (such as the pregnant lady), remind yourself that feeling anger or hatred towards her is going to do more harm to you than her. Too much anger is extremely bad for your health and for your brain. You may not be able to control the things that are making you angry but you can control whether or not you choose to allow things to make you angry.

Finally, a really useful book is 'Overcoming Anger and Irritability'. It uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which unlike traditional psychiatry, it focuses on practical behaviour changes rather than just trying to diagnose and analyse you. CBT has been proven to be of huge benefit with many mood and personality disorders and I can definitely say it has immensely helped me in my life.

You can buy the book on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Anger-I%E2%80%A6

Good luck. And finally, remember that you deserve to be happy as much as anybody so take control of your life.

Take care

x

Why allow lazy people or people who aren t up to your standards so to speak take such a vital energy drain from you. If they suck, so what, everyone has an issue. I work too but don t feel it necessary to condemn others less fortunate or those who use the system to make ends meet. Don t worry about them. Why are you worried about what they do? Obviously using the system is a dead end job basically and just worry about doing yours and worrying less about who is doing what to get by. Chill out and worry about yourself, you need to focus inward and not external irritants. Recognize you can t control what others do and take care of your own health, meditate, use CBT, DBT, Buddah, Jesus, or Carl Sagan for all I give a ****, just let this trivial stuff go man, breathe...namaste

I hate everyone equally until they give me a reason not to. I m cynical and I always expect the worst out of human beings. Actually if I had my way the human species would be eradicated from the universe, myself included. I don t fully understand why I hate humans so much but I do. I can fake it most of the time but I always have this want inside of me to lash out. Maybe I m defective.

I creating a bank account under someone else's name and putting most of your money there, while using your own bank account as a front to show the government how "low income" you are. The American financial system is so flawed, actually "flawed" doesn't even begin to describe the heinous nature of the financial system, in which people are forced to hide their money or spend all of it in order to meet the quota for government welfare eligibility. I really hope your life gets better and more comfortable soon, you definitely deserve it.

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WELL i wouldn't say hate but i extremely dis-like Brenda Song, well since she is dating my cousin ( a 17 year old 11th grade geek) so she buys him anything hee wants, just last saturday after bowling she bought him a all gold Escalade with gold 42 inch spinners and 6 lambo style doors, and i like what she buys him, its just that i get sick and tired of them kissing all the time. i can't be in my room for 10 minutes with out that, and when she bought him that car, she gave me an old morgan. but i hate her but i like the gifts she buys us, but where does she get the stacks of money from.?

What I really hate is how much hatred and selfishness there is in this world. Not many people give a **** about anyone. I don't have much respect for people who say "I hate fat people" or "I hate immigrants". To me, they are part of the problem. If people would stop hating, hurting, judging and insulting each other and actually try to communicate, we might have a shot. But that's just dreaming. People don't even want to be that good.

I can't imagine bro, after two combat deployments I hate 90% of society. Your a stronger man than I. I'm pretty sure I would have made national news by then.

You guys and gals are not alone. After 4.5 yrs in the Marines and 3 yrs as an armed security guard in Section 8 housing complexes Ive pretty much given up on the human species.

No matter how much "cognitive therapy" you go through, eventually you realize that everyone sucks. It has gone on too long in my life for me not to look at things positively anymore. People just suck. They suck the life force out of you.

the best answer is a all out nuclear war.the one that would end all mankind forever.then there would be no using others.no more pain or sorrow.no more the rich using the poor.or women using men or men using women.then let the next life form take over the earth.all problems solved.

I never seene any Good in any person infact people have treated me so badly through out my life that people are the reasons for my wanting to die all the time