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Ruffin asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

wat do u think of this poem....10pts ????? wat should i call it?

as i struggle in the dark

these chains are bond to my back

i cant do this on my own

lord where are you at?

temptation closing in

as i cry a desperate plea

lord turn on the lights

and take these chains off of me!

for i am lost

and do not know where to go

i continue walking

hoping for a path to show

demons begin to creep

i drop down to my knees and weep

is this where i am supposed to be?

is there no place in heaven for me??

lord??!!!... speak to me!!!

a voice says

open your eyes my child and you shall see

as i open my eyes i am free

no more chains and

darkness is all a distant memory

thank you lord

for now i see

all a long my eyes were the key -

to my own destiney

9 Answers

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  • Favorite Answer

    your really good,right me a poem foo,but you should call it"a path from the darkness to the light

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    its really, very good.

    i hope you dont mind, but i tried tweaking it a bit. Its already great on its own. I just really liked it and tried experimenting with it a bit. Hopefully you dont take this offensively....although its understandable if you do.

    as i struggle in the darkness

    these chains bound to my back

    i fear i cant do this on my own

    and cry, "lord, where are you at?"

    for temptation is closing in

    as i cry a desperate plea

    "lord turn on the lights,

    and take these chains off me!"

    for i am truly lost

    and do not know where to go

    but i continue walking

    hoping for a path to show

    demons begin to creep

    i drop down to my knees and weep

    is this where i am supposed to be?

    is there no place in heaven for me??

    lord??!!!... speak to me!!!

    a voice then says

    open your eyes

    and all you seek shall be seen

    and as they open i see the light

    and find that i am free

    all of the chains and darkness

    are now distant memories

    thank you lord, for showing me

    that my eyes were the key -

    to my own liberty

    Source(s): im sorry if you dont appreciate my re-writing the poem....i just think its easier to do this as apposed to analyzing each line. Aso, feel free to delete my answer if you find it rude. I might not appreciate someone completely re-writing my work. I thought this might just help you put your poem into a different perspective, allowing you to see what you could possibly change in order to both enhance and improve. cheers, and good luck. you most definitely have talent. also, although im not religious, i find your writing to be very inspiring and moving. keep writing.
  • 1 decade ago

    It's Wonderful, If you wrote your a wonderful writer. 100% 10/10 ore like 20/10

    You should call either:

    Overcomed

    Overcomed Temptation

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That was really good! Maybe something like The Journey for Heaven. I'm not really sure.

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  • 1 decade ago

    its Beautiful. i love it! i wish i could give you a name but im bad with names. but i love the poem ur very good

  • Nelly
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I love it.. so powerful and yet so dark. I think a perfect name would be "Surrender".

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's beautiful!

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow that is amazing. You are so good.

    I don't know what to name it, sorry.

    G'luck!

  • 1 decade ago
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