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wat do u think of this poem....10pts ????? wat should i call it?
as i struggle in the dark
these chains are bond to my back
i cant do this on my own
lord where are you at?
temptation closing in
as i cry a desperate plea
lord turn on the lights
and take these chains off of me!
for i am lost
and do not know where to go
i continue walking
hoping for a path to show
demons begin to creep
i drop down to my knees and weep
is this where i am supposed to be?
is there no place in heaven for me??
lord??!!!... speak to me!!!
a voice says
open your eyes my child and you shall see
as i open my eyes i am free
no more chains and
darkness is all a distant memory
thank you lord
for now i see
all a long my eyes were the key -
to my own destiney
9 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
your really good,right me a poem foo,but you should call it"a path from the darkness to the light
- Anonymous1 decade ago
its really, very good.
i hope you dont mind, but i tried tweaking it a bit. Its already great on its own. I just really liked it and tried experimenting with it a bit. Hopefully you dont take this offensively....although its understandable if you do.
as i struggle in the darkness
these chains bound to my back
i fear i cant do this on my own
and cry, "lord, where are you at?"
for temptation is closing in
as i cry a desperate plea
"lord turn on the lights,
and take these chains off me!"
for i am truly lost
and do not know where to go
but i continue walking
hoping for a path to show
demons begin to creep
i drop down to my knees and weep
is this where i am supposed to be?
is there no place in heaven for me??
lord??!!!... speak to me!!!
a voice then says
open your eyes
and all you seek shall be seen
and as they open i see the light
and find that i am free
all of the chains and darkness
are now distant memories
thank you lord, for showing me
that my eyes were the key -
to my own liberty
Source(s): im sorry if you dont appreciate my re-writing the poem....i just think its easier to do this as apposed to analyzing each line. Aso, feel free to delete my answer if you find it rude. I might not appreciate someone completely re-writing my work. I thought this might just help you put your poem into a different perspective, allowing you to see what you could possibly change in order to both enhance and improve. cheers, and good luck. you most definitely have talent. also, although im not religious, i find your writing to be very inspiring and moving. keep writing. - 1 decade ago
It's Wonderful, If you wrote your a wonderful writer. 100% 10/10 ore like 20/10
You should call either:
Overcomed
Overcomed Temptation
- Anonymous1 decade ago
That was really good! Maybe something like The Journey for Heaven. I'm not really sure.
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- 1 decade ago
its Beautiful. i love it! i wish i could give you a name but im bad with names. but i love the poem ur very good
- NellyLv 51 decade ago
I love it.. so powerful and yet so dark. I think a perfect name would be "Surrender".
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It's beautiful!
